“Oh?” Jackson said.

“She’s a good person,” Tom said. “I found out a couple of years ago because she got in a little trouble. She might call herself an escort but the police called her something else. Cal was her lawyer—that’s what his experience is, criminal defense. I don’t think of your mom as a bad person and I don’t want you to, either. But I also don’t want you to find out like I did and—”

“Dad, I know.”

“Know what?” Tom said.

“I know what she does. I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s safe and I can’t let myself think about it, but I already know and she’s always going to be my mother.”

“How do you know?” Tom asked.

“She told us, me and Nikki. She was afraid you were going to tell us and she said your version would make her sound dirty, like some cheap hooker. And she’s not.”

“Apparently she’s not in any way cheap,” Tom muttered.

“They could make a movie out of her,” Jackson said. “She’s like the happy housewife with this sideline. She said she was dating a few men, just a few, and they weren’t local. Businessmen, she said. Then, when she kept explaining, she described it as ‘seeing’ a few men. Nikki was a little nuts at first.”

“I never noticed anything,” Tom said.

“I know. Mom is single and beautiful and she’s really like the nicest person I know. One of these days she’s going to settle on one rich old bastard with a big bank account and a bad cough because if there’s one thing my mother likes it’s to live like she’s got money. And that’s what she’s doing. If she wasn’t getting paid for it, she’d be just your regular independent woman, doing as she pleases.”

Tom stared at Jackson in amazement. “So you’re okay with it?”

“Oh, hell, no, I hate it,” Jackson said. “But Nikki was ready to go nuts so I had to think fast before the whole town knew. So I asked a lot of questions to calm Nikki down—I asked her if she was safe, if she was hanging out with bad people, if she was out on the street, if there was any chance of her going to jail or getting hurt. That kind of stuff. Mom tried saying she’s given up that activity but I called bullshit on that. I just wanted to know what kind of people she’s hanging out with. I think she’s got clients she calls friends and she’s known them all a long time.” Jackson shook his head. “She’s grown up, not hurting anyone and she’s gonna live like she wants. But Nikki and Mom aren’t close now. Nikki can’t help it—it makes her angry and embarrassed. But I convinced her she doesn’t have to broadcast it, especially because of the younger kids. Face it—nothing we can do about it.”

“Is she okay? Nikki?” Tom asked.

“She’s okay,” Jackson said. “We’re not traumatized. It’s pretty obvious why she left us, isn’t it? This kind of life wasn’t going to be enough. And you know what? That makes me feel really sorry for her.”

“Are you sure you’re only twenty-one?” Tom said.

Jackson didn’t answer. “That’s why I’m taking things slow with Shelly,” he said. “I love her like mad, but I want both of us sure, going forward, what kind of life we can commit to. I don’t want to end up alone with four little kids.”

“Jackson, regardless of your mom changing her mind and going her own way, you four kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t regret one thing. I wouldn’t give one of you up.” He took a slug of his beer. “Except maybe Zach,” he said. “He’s kind of a pain in the ass.”

Jackson laughed. “Yeah, you could’ve done better on that one.”

* * *

Dakota and Sid drove to Colorado Springs together on the Saturday nights they worked at the soup kitchen and it had quickly become one of his favorite parts of the week. He was indebted to the group of volunteers who had come to Denver to help him look for Sedona and he was a great admirer of Sister Mary Jacob.

But the ride alone with Sid was a pleasure. That was where they did much of their talking, learning about each other. He told her all about Hasnaa, how they met, how fast they fell in love, how they ignored the differences in their cultures, how she died. “How ironic that a Muslim woman whose life’s work was about peace should die at the hands of terrorists,” he said. “I was a long time getting beyond that.”

“Are you beyond it?” she asked.

“It was a process. I did a little acting out.”

“Ah,” she said. “Acting out?”

“That’s how I got in some trouble in the Army. I was pretty angry. But I had some time to think about things, then I went to Australia, where I had even more time to think, and then I came here. By the time I got here I realized Hasnaa had changed me in a very short time. I’d always been determined to have no real ties, and after Hasnaa, I wanted real ties. I came to my family. For the first time. I met you. I have a niece and, I think, a nephew. Domestic matters like family struggles used to bore me, used to seem so pointless to me. Now I look at my brother and sister and admire them. Sedona used to irritate me. Now that I know how fallible and vulnerable she is, I’d like to see her get whatever help she needs.” He paused. “I used to want to be alone. Now I want to be connected.”

“All that came out of tragedy?” Sid asked.

“Only sort of. Remember, for as much as Hasnaa meant to me and as hard as it was to lose her, we were together barely a few months. For just a little while I had a view of what life could be like. And it can be so good.”

Sid laughed uncomfortably. “I’m not here to fulfill your fantasies.”

“But you do, just the same. I’ve been wanting to ask you about your husband.”

“Ex,” she clarified. “What about him?”

“Tell me about him. Whatever you think is important. Like, how’d you end up with him?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” she said. “I suspect he handpicked me as someone who would work hard for him. On my part? Probably lack of experience. I never dated much. I was dorky and clumsy and introverted, very comfortable with nerds and computers. He was handsome and funny and all the girls wanted him. I didn’t even bother taking him seriously when he hit on me. He was a student—a medical student—and I had a good job at UCLA. But I didn’t have much social confidence. I was awkward.”

“You’re sure not awkward anymore,” he said, squeezing her hand.

“A lot has changed since nine or ten years ago. But when I was a kid that car accident drove me inside and I turned to books and science. I didn’t have a lot of self-confidence.”

“You’re certainly at full function now,” he said.

“That scar does nothing for my bathing suit look.”

He chuckled. “Remember, I’ve seen you naked. Believe me, that scar does not detract. You’re beautiful.”

“You have to say that,” she said.

“No, I don’t have to say anything,” he said. “I have a few scars of my own, and don’t pretend you haven’t noticed. The Army hands ’em out.”

“Scars on a handsome guy don’t—”

“Tell me about the accident,” he said.

That took her mind temporarily off scars and feeling awkward. “It was entirely my fault and I’m lucky to be alive at all. I was on my bike, shot out into the street from between two parked cars without looking and bam! Got hit by a nice lady who was driving the carpool. If I hadn’t been wearing that ugly God-awful helmet...”

“Aw, man. That must be a parent’s worst nightmare.”

“It changed my life. I don’t know what I’d be like if that hadn’t happened, you know? It made me self-conscious and kind of shy. So I was not exactly savvy when this good-looking guy came around. I dated him, married him in less than a year and worked while he went through med school and surgical residency. He was tied up so much—if he had time off, he was studying, so I worked a lot of overtime. It wasn’t long before we didn’t have much of a relationship. Then he left me.”

“I bet there was a lot more to it than that,” Dakota said. “You must have been so lonely.”

“I enjoyed my work. It might’ve been boring to most people but to me... Well, it was very important. I wasn’t just some techie. I was writing code.”

“Programming?” he asked.

“Sometimes. Analyzing. My work was with software.”

“Do you miss it?” he asked, giving her hand a squeeze.

“Sometimes,” she said. “But it was consuming and isolating and then when David... I suddenly realized I was much too alone. And I collapsed from within.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if my work ruined my marriage or my marriage ruined my work. I had such a terrible identity crisis. I’m never going to let myself get in that place again. From a shy and awkward girl to an abandoned wife with no one, with nothing. I had to start over.”

“You run that bar like a drill sergeant. And you’re animated. Outgoing. You have lots of family and friends now.”

“That was a really smart move for me, staying with my brother, helping with the bar and the boys. The bar is a social place—if I’m happy, the customers are happy, they look forward to coming in, they leave tips, they bring friends. And I’m getting that empty bubble inside filled with good people. My life has changed so many times—with the accident, with a marriage I couldn’t have been prepared for, to coming here. Thanks to Rob needing my help and pushing me, I became a much more confident person. But I’m not confident about making another marriage, Dakota. You’re going to have to understand.” She bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry if I misled you into thinking I was some techie. It was more than that.”