“They’ve found me.” I sob.

“Who’s found you?”

“The Elders.”

“Who?”

“My family. They’re taking me home.”

“No.” He reaches for me as I do him but our hands pass right through one another’s. “No Luce! I can’t lose you!” The fear as evident in his voice as it is on his face.

“I’m so sorry.”

His hands are in his hair. “You can’t go. I don’t want you to go.” His voice breaks. “It’s too soon. I can’t say goodbye to you.”

“So don’t say goodbye.”

“Say what, then?”

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too. I’ll find a way back to you, I promise.”

I keep my eyes on his face, ensuring he’s the last thing I see.

Suddenly I’m in a meadow, the grass green and lush beneath my old sparkly feet. But it’s not home.

“Hello, Lucyna.” I hear a voice I know so well come from behind me.

I spin around, startled. “Arlo?”

Chapter 16

No Going Back

Arlo stands before me, looking just as glorious as the last time I remember seeing him.

“Arlo,” I repeat, this time more insistently. “What’s going on? Where are we? Where are the Elders?”

“Lucyna,” he says voice cold, detached. “The Elders sent me to retrieve you from Earth to inform you that you are no longer allowed back home.”

“Oh.”

His words sting me. He sounds so cold. So . . . inhuman. I know this is just his way but that knowledge doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Then I realise this is how I used to sound, how I used to come across to all those suffering humans, all of those who were drowning in their grief and loss. And I instantly feel glad that I’ve changed to who I now am. But then the reality of his words hit me, pulling me right back down with them.

“I’m banished?” I stare at him, troubled.

“Yes.” He nods formally, setting his golden hair shimmering around his face.

Banished.

I never even considered the possibility. Obviously I knew there would be consequences to my actions, but I was expecting an eternity stuck in Pure Land being kept away from all humans, being kept away from James. But never for a moment did I think they would banish me.

And suddenly I feel very alone.

I look into is bright green eyes. “Why are you here telling me this? Why not one of the Elders?”

“They did not wish to see you,” he says holding my stare. “They requested I come to inform you. You are advised that you will still exist as you are, but you are no longer a Bringer or granted access to Pure Land. The privilege has been taken from you. It was taken the moment you chose to save the humans life.”

Suddenly I feel very angry. I straighten myself up. “Why did you bring me here to tell me this?” I gesture around, wondering just exactly where it is I am. “Why not tell me on earth?”

“I was told not to leave you on earth in your prior state. I had to bring you back to your true form so you could see me.” He holds his hands together in front of him. “It has taken us some time to find you, Lucyna. There was no trace of your essence once you’d changed.”

Then I ask him the question I have pained over since it happened. “How did I change?”

He shakes his head. “We are not sure.”

It’s a long moment before either of us speaks. Then I say in a small voice, “So I can never again go home.”

“No.”

And that’s it – final. The end of everything I know.

I’m panicked. I feel like I’m freefalling into a giant black hole. I have no home. What am I going to do? It’s one thing to not want to go back, but another thing entirely to have the choice taken from me.

And then it hits me. Why am I even concerned with this? I can finally have what I want; I can return to earth and be with James. Of course I will miss Pure Land, miss being a Bringer. But really what did that hold for me anyway? Just a sterile, cold, empty existence.

I think of James at home stood there in the kitchen and the sense of urgency I now feel for him relinquishes any other thoughts I could have, and there’s only one thing left for me to say.

“I want to go back to earth, Arlo,” I state boldly. “Change me back to whatever I was before and send me back.”

Surprisingly to me, his brow furrows and a look of unease sweeps his face. His action not tying in with who he is – what he is.

“Arlo?” I look at him confused.

He presses his lips together and smiles gently. “Lucyna,” he says voice suddenly sounding harmonious and caressing, like a melodic song, no longer cold and hard. “I had always hoped it wouldn’t come to this.” He spreads his palms out. “I had hoped to somehow spare you all of this.”

“What – what are you talking about?” I’m well aware of how shaky my voice sounds but I’m not currently in a position to be able to disguise it.

He closes his eyes briefly whilst drumming his fingertips on his forehead. “There are some things you need to know before you make any decisions about where you want to be . . . and who you want to be with.”

My head is swimming with thoughts, questions. Disquiet bathes me and I instantly feel the need to get out of here because one thing I am absolutely certain of is that something is very wrong.

I take a step back, increasing the distance between us.

He smiles gently. “Lucyna, I’m only here to help you –”

“I don’t need any help,” I cut him off, trying to project sternness into my weak voice, attempting to make my intentions clear, even though all I feel is edgy and worried. “I just want to go to earth and be with James.”

“I do understand how you’re feeling,” he says softly, fingering the lapel on his black jacket.

My eyes narrow onto him. “And just exactly how would you understand what I’m feeling, Arlo?”

He brushes his hair back, and stares at me with eyes full of regret. “I’m not who you think I am.”

I’m having a weirdly vivid sense of déjà vu here, this being not too dissimilar to my conversation with James, except now it’s me on the receiving end.

I can feel nerves creeping over me, so I steel myself. “And just who exactly are you?”

He doesn’t speak for what seems like a long time but, in reality, it’s probably only a matter of seconds. Anxiety quickly fills me up, and just when I don’t think I stand the silence anymore, he speaks.

“I’m not a Bringer,” he says voice firm, sure. “I’m an angel.”

My eyes widen with disbelief.“What? You’re an – angel?” I feel totally blind-sided. “But I don’t understand. You can’t be. We don’t mix, angels and Bringers don’t mix. We never cross paths, never . . . and you’ve always been with me in Pure Land, with me . . .” My weak voice peters off.

Arlo sweeps his hand behind him, manifesting a bench. He sits down on it and motions for me to join him.

I shake my head. “No. I’ll stay where I am.”

His eyes fill with sorrow and I feel a huge twinge of guilt, obviously not enough to encourage me to move because I stay right where I am.

“I don’t know where to begin,” he says dolefully.

I cross my arms over my chest. “The beginning is usually a good place.”

“That could take me a while,” he chuckles softly, quickly drying up when he sees the unrelenting look of impatience on my face.

He leans forward, arms on thighs and gazes up at me. “I’ve never been a Bringer. I just made myself appear as one. I did it so I could be with you. I needed to be there to watch over you and that was the only way.”

Instinctively, I tense up. “And why did you need to watch over me?”

He presses his hands together, palm to palm. “Lucyna, you have what you could call . . . a complicated past and I don’t really know how to tell you all of it without –”

“Just get to the point, Arlo” I hiss, surprising myself at how incredibly harsh I sound. And I can tell he’s surprised too, by the look on his face.

“Are you sure?” he asks calmly. “Are you sure want to know everything?”

His green eyes are fixed onto mine and I don’t look away, can’t look away. It’s like we’re locked in a game of truth or dare, and the first to look away is the loser.

I hold myself firm. “Of course I do.”

“Even though there may be things you would rather not hear?”

“Yes.” I gesticulate, impatiently. “Just tell me.”

“As you wish.” He spreads his hands out and rests back against the bench. “You used be an angel.”

If I thought I’d been blind-sided before, this definitely champions it.

“I was an angel?” I can barely get the words out.

He nods. “Yes. We were close friends. And for a very long time we resided together in Heaven, with all the other angels, of course.” He glances at me knowingly before continuing, “And there are many of us, Lucyna. Mainly we are of God's initial creation, but sometimes a lower being will have served for the greater good and be given the privilege to rise up and be anointed as one of us. It does not happen often and when it does it is truly an honour of the highest degree.” He leans forward. “And that’s where Arran comes in.”

“Who’s Arran?” I manage to ask, even though my mind is such a jumble of thoughts I can barely focus.

“He’s the angel you were in love with – and he loved you too, for a time,” he adds, seemingly oblivious to my internal affliction. “Or so we believed, but unfortunately, unbeknown to the rest of us – to you – Arran was unlawfully revealing himself to humans whilst on earth, well only one actually, a human woman –” His eyes flick to meet mine. “It happens, immortals falling in love with mortals. It’s rare but not impossible, as Arran proved – and as you well know.” He gives me a pointed look.

I instantly feel ashamed and very uncomfortable. I look down, away from his enervating stare.

“Then one day, without warning, Arran told you he was leaving you, leaving Heaven. That he had fallen in love with this human and he was leaving to be with her.” I look up, instantly meeting his solemn green eyes.

“You were devastated, Lucyna,” he adds.

I sink to the floor, suddenly feeling very weighed down. When I look up, Arlo is sitting there in front of me.

“You tried to talk him out of leaving,” he continues, his voice speeding up, “but nothing could change his mind. And to place cruelty upon cruel, he made the wish on you, forcing you to make him mortal and send him to earth so he could be with his human. As angels, Lucyna, when a wish is placed upon us we have no choice other than to fulfil it – and you fulfilled his wish. It destroyed you to do so . . . and he knew that.” His eyes seek mine, locking onto them. He holds my gaze, projecting as much warmth as he can until I feel like I’m literally coated in it. “You weren’t the same after that day. It was almost as if something inside you had died.”