Adam cleared his throat.

I cleared my throat, removed my hands from Adam’s waist, and brushed imaginary dust off his bare shoulders, setting straight any oafish damage I might have done. From now on, whenever I got the idea that maybe he liked me a little, I would remember that he did not like me a little. I didn’t need to read his mind.

“Heeeeeeey,” Tammy squealed. She must have seen Holly or Beige or a super-cute boy—but no, it was only McGillicuddy. They disappeared into the living room with their heads close together, shouting over the music. If she got rid of my approaching brother for me because she thought I needed some alone time with Adam to talk out our problems, she was wrong-o about me. Again. I started to follow her.

“Dinner’s ready,” Adam said behind me.

I looked toward the table in the kitchen. He’d set two of the places with knives, forks, spoons, and napkins. He’d placed a sandwich on each plate and sprinkled parsley flakes in a circle around it. Bam! He’d stacked the potato chips artfully in dessert bowls. He’d even lit one of his leftover birthday candles between our places. It all would have been really cute if he’d meant it. It was still pretty cute as a farce to make Rachel jealous, I supposed, but I wasn’t in the mood.

“Let me help you,” he said, pulling out a chair for me, as if I were a girl or something. Vivid imagination, this boy. I sat, and he scooted me up to the table.

He took a bottle of soda from the fridge and held it in front of me, like he was a wine steward. I nodded that the year was okay. He unscrewed the cap and handed it to me. I sniffed it like a wine cork, nodded my approval again, and handed it back to him. He poured soda into wine glasses for both of us, then sat down with me.

He took a gargantuan bite of his sandwich, chewed, swallowed, and looked at me. “What’s wrong?”

Oh, nothing. That’s what a girl would say, and she’d sulk for the rest of the night. But I wasn’t capable of keeping my mouth shut. “I’m confused.”

“It’s not really wine,” he said. “It’s Diet Coke. And if anyone ever serves you brown wine with a foamy head, send it back.”

“Thank you, Dr. Science.” I took a dainty bite of my sandwich. Adam was a real gourmet. Peanut butter and strawberry jam. “I’m confused because I thought you said I was flaunting, and now I’m not even a girl? I thought you said I was a good flaunter.”

“You are a good flaunter.” He swirled the Diet Coke in his glass and sniffed the bouquet.

“Then why am I not a girl?”

“You—Shit, I knew that’s what you were mad about. I didn’t mean it that way.” He leaned his head to one side and popped his neck. “You know as well as I do that you don’t act like other girls.”

“I’m working on it, though.” I was working so hard! I felt like crying into my salt and vinegar chips, which was a step in the right direction.

“But it’s good you don’t act like other girls. Of course, I don’t have any say in it, because you’re not after me. You’re after Sean.”

“You wouldn’t have any say in it anyway, you patriarchal freak.” I chomped a chip and said with my mouth full, “Thanks for cooking dinner. I love it when the little missus makes a house a home.”

He glared at me. “Eat up. We have work to do.”

“What kind of work? Devious kissing work? May I point out that we both have peanut butter breath?”

“Eat up,” he said again. Sean’s jovial voice escalated over the music in the living room, which made me want to speed up eating to get out of there, but also made the sandwich sit on my stomach like a rock.

We went upstairs. Adam shared his bathroom with Sean and Cameron, and the bathroom looked it. He brushed his teeth, then sipped straight from a bottle of mouthwash. As he swished it around in his mouth, he nudged my bare tummy with his toothbrush and prompted, “Hm.”

“You want me to use your toothbrush?”

He spit in the sink. “You might as well. You’re about to do a lot worse.”

14

At this point, I realized what I’d thought was stress and peanut butter indigestion was actually butterflies, which began dogfighting in my stomach at the idea that Adam and I were about to kiss some more. As I brushed my teeth with his toothbrush, I watched him watching me in the mirror. His muscled arms were folded on his strong, tanned chest. The bruise Sean had given him under his eye had almost faded, but the skull-and-crossbones pendant glinted dangerously.

If his parents hadn’t been in the next room with the ten o’clock news turned way up over the music downstairs, I might have made a move on him right there in the bathroom. Yes, I know, odds were I would have tripped and knocked him down and made him hit his head on the toilet. I was so turned on, I was almost willing to take this chance.

Instead, he took my hand again and led me down through the party, indoors and outdoors, to the end of the dock. The football team had run out of bottle rockets. The party had reached the stage where boys played quarters. The drinking game was run very professionally by experienced people. If Mr. Vader had found out, he would have shut down the party—because kids were drinking underage at his house, or because he would have known one of his sons had stolen beer from the marina. In any case, as a precaution, a wall of people stood across the dock, talking and flirting, shielding the boys playing quarters from the prying eyes of the Vaders in their bedroom.

The wall of people included Sean and Rachel, facing each other and holding both hands like they were about to dance a polka. Rachel hadn’t taken the precaution of kicking her shoes off before she stepped onto the dock. She was likely to catch her heel between the boards and fall flat. (Shrug.) Rachel obviously valued beauty before balance.

As Adam and I approached the wall of people, Adam aimed straight for Sean. He brushed against Sean harder than necessary as we edged through. I felt Sean and Rachel watching us, but I didn’t look back as we stepped over the boys sprawled in a circle around a cup of beer.

We sat on the edge of the dock. The wood was still damp and cold from the rain. We slipped our feet into the lake, which felt like a warm bath compared with the cool air.

“Do you want a beer?” Adam asked.

“I don’t think I could handle it. I feel so high already.” The warm lake, the cool air, and Adam had my body going in a thousand different directions.

Maybe he knew. He grinned at me and whispered, “I’m going to kiss you now. It’ll be a big one, so don’t hit me.” He leaned in.

“Wait a minute,” I said, putting my hand on his chest to stop him. I wasn’t quite ready to kiss him with boys playing quarters right behind us, and with Sean and Rachel staring at us. We’d kissed before where people could see us if they wanted to look, but we’d never been this blatant about it. Besides, I had another concern. “I want to be prepared. Are you going to kiss me, or really kiss me?”

He cocked his head at me, perplexed, with those little frown lines between his eyebrows. “What would be the point of kissing you if I didn’t do it right?”

“Ohhhhhh!” said the boys behind us. There was nowhere in my life I could get away from boys saying, “Ohhhhhh!” I glanced behind us to make sure the boys were talking about beer, not us. Indeed, when the boys’ quarters hit the cup and they chose someone to drink, all of them seemed to be ganging up on Scooter Ledbetter. I hadn’t seen his monster truck in the Vaders’ driveway, so at least he wouldn’t be driving home.

Sean had moved Rachel in front of him and held her with his arms crossed over her boobs. So he could watch us over her head without her knowing. Of course, she was staring at Adam, too. I rolled my eyes at both of them, like I was so tired of them watching us. I almost burst into laughter at the thought, but managed to turn back to Adam in time.

I told him through my teeth, “We’ve been kissing all week without, you know. Really kissing.”

“That was before Sean gave up a wakeboard for Rachel. Step up your game.”

I was running out of excuses. “Look,” I whispered, “when we do this stuff, we’re trying to make them jealous, but it’s also my first time for real. You know?”

His blue eyes focused on me. We were almost nose to nose, and our shoulders moved quickly in time with our breathing, in time with each other. “I know.”

“And when I fantasize about kissing”—kissing Sean, I meant, but I wasn’t going to say this—“our mouths are closed.”

“This isn’t your fantasy.”

I wasn’t so sure about that. True, I’d never fantasized about this particular scenario, but maybe that was because I’d never imagined it. I had to remember that this was Adam Adam Adam, and if I could replace him with Sean from my fantasies, the warm pricklies I was feeling would make a perfect dream. Except I would probably wake up.

Adam moved in again. One more time my brain knew this would make Sean jealous, but my body sounded the alarm. I put my hand on Adam’s chest and whispered, “Give me a break. I had a bad experience with this.”

He looked hurt, which didn’t make sense if we were only friends. He was putting on a good act. “With who?”

“The only person I’ve ever kissed, besides you, is Cameron.”

“You kissed Ca—”

I hadn’t expected his reaction to be that LOUD. I reached out and grabbed the back of his hair, which turned his head away from the crowd and also shut him up right quick.

I put my forehead to his forehead and whispered like a lover, “I was eleven. We were in the warehouse and he grabbed me. Very sloppy. Don’t tell McGillicuddy.”

Adam blinked. I felt his eyelashes on my eyelids.

“Very, very sloppy,” I said. “We still can’t look each other in the eye.”

I let go of his hair so he could look me in the eye. “Let me shrug that off.” He shook violently like he’d caught a sudden chill. “Okay. I’m going to really kiss you, but it’ll be subtle.” He moved toward me one more time. “And don’t tell me to back off. It’s starting to look like we’re not really in love.”

I closed my eyes automatically as he kissed me, and the word love blinked red and then black on the insides of my eyelids. His lips were warm. Was that all? I opened my eyes.

His eyes were still closed, and he came in again.

I closed my eyes. He kissed me like before, only I felt his tongue between my lips, opening them. His tongue was inside my mouth (ADAM VADER’S TONGUE WAS INSIDE MY MOUTH) not very far, and then out again.

I thought that was it, and opened my eyes. And closed them as he kissed me once more. Now I was getting it. You didn’t just sit there with your lips locked with the boy’s lips and the boy’s tongue turning flips at the back of your throat (cough Cameron cough). There was constant movement and change. It was an activity, and probably one the girl could participate in, too. As Adam pulled away, I said, “Let me try.”

He kissed me and whispered against my lips, “Be my guest.” His low voice made me shiver.

I kissed him. Strange that the lips were so soft in such an edgy boy. I kissed him again and very gently pressed my tongue into his mouth.

He gasped. I mean, I wasn’t sure, because it was in the middle of the kiss. But he seemed startled. He inhaled sharply through his nose. Then he was kissing me, deeper this time.

I pulled away, laughing. “It was supposed to be my turn.”

He half-smiled. His lips stayed close to my lips.

I didn’t suggest this, and he didn’t agree to this, but somehow we telepathically agreed to give up on the witty conversation and make out. His tongue played with my lips. My tongue swept across his teeth. I drowned in it, and completely lost the people playing quarters behind us on the dock until someone said, “Is anybody filming Adam and Lori? You might be able to sell it.” Sean laughed and said something I couldn’t catch that made the people around him burst into laughter too.

Adam pulled back. He was embarrassed and saw our plan wasn’t working. He would escape to his room, humiliated. He would leave me na**d, or nearly so, in my bikini and his sweatshirt in the midst of these fully clothed people.

Wrong. He kissed me again and whispered, “There’s something else you can do if you get bored with this.”

Get bored with this???

“You kind of do the same thing, but move around. Here.” He kissed my jaw. His tongue touched my skin just as he pulled his lips away. “Or up here.” Good Lord, his teeth were on my earlobe. Very gently he slid them off. His tongue played outside my ear. His breath was loud and hot.

It felt so good, and at the same time, I could hardly stand it. I needed something to hang onto. My fingers patted the edge of the dock, finding a firm hold—but this seemed potentially splintery. My other hand felt for Adam’s hand.

Strangely, he must have needed something to hang onto, too. He took my hand and squeezed.

The guys playing quarters may have made another comment about us, but it was hard to hear with a boy’s tongue in my ear. Also it was hard to care.

I pulled away, shoulders shaking. Adam seemed to have a hard time focusing his eyes on me, like he was in a dream. I moved in and gave him the jaw treatment. Then the ear treatment.

“Ah,” he said. He giggled and then cleared his throat before the boys heard him. “Lori.”

“Mm?” I hummed in his ear.

He shuddered. And then—oh, no! He stood up. I’d done something wrong! The tongue was indeed el grosso as I’d originally thought!

“I’ll be right back,” he told me. He picked his way across the quarters game and pushed through the wall of people watching. He had sense enough not to push through Sean and Rachel again, or they’d know the ear was for them. At least, they’d think the ear was for them. I was beginning to wonder who the ear was for. It felt like it was for me.