“PTSD?”

“Sounds like it. But don’t worry, it’s going to be all right.”

“This is harder than I expected. I wasn’t prepared for this. I was a young father the last time I was in a hospital for a serious reason. Too many unpleasant memories. Too much thinking I don’t want Finn to have to go through something like that. I think it’s making my blood itch. I have a low-grade headache and I’m sweating. I’m not really worried about Maia—she’s in good hands. But I can’t stay in there long.”

“Anxiety?” she asked.

“Big-time. When Julienne was in the hospital, I didn’t want to leave her side. I never panicked when it was actually happening,” he said. “Maybe something is wrong with me.”

“Do you have chest pains or shortness of breath?”

“No pain but I get near the hospital doors and my heart pounds. I can feel my blood pressure go up. I guess I never thought about what it would be like to go back to a hospital...”

“Here’s what you should do. Find a comfortable place to sit. Breathe in through your nose to the count of three, breathe out slowly to the count of twelve through pursed lips. It will help you relax very quickly. Then you should be calm for a while, long enough to check on Finn. I wasn’t thinking of this possibility, but it fits. Your last experience was traumatic. You suffered a great loss. And I think you might’ve had a panic attack in my clinic when Finn cut his hand.”

“I can’t wait until the hospital part of this is over,” he said.

“I bet you need one of those head massages right about now.”

“I’m going to get through this and try to never do it again. Is it a phobia?”

“It’s just a panic episode, Rob. It’s related to trauma and is going to pass. Are you okay when you’re outside?”

“Except for the part that dreads going back in there.”

“Maybe you don’t have to. Maybe you can text Finn and tell him where to find you after he sees Maia.”

“My son is in there. I have to be sure he’s all right. He might be feeling worse than I do.”

“I want you to do the breathing I suggested, relax if you can. And I want you to call me when the surgery is done and you know how Maia is doing. Will you do that?”

“Yeah, sure. Sure.”

“Before you start the drive home, please call me.”

“Sure,” he said. “Thanks.”

“I miss you,” she said. “It’s going to be all right.”

He hung up without realizing he didn’t even say goodbye. Then a few seconds later he texted her. Sorry, I didn’t say goodbye. Thanks for everything. I’ll call later.

What a mess, he thought. He was so grateful to have a woman like Leigh in his life and so terrified of having a woman like Leigh in his life. She had awakened such strong, desperate feelings in him. What would become of him if something happened to her? Or to one of his boys? He couldn’t even go in the fucking hospital without nearly passing out!

He felt weak. Not his body, his spirit. And he thought, I might be falling in love with her and I can’t. I can’t do it again.

* * *

It was four o’clock before a nurse came to the waiting room and said that Maia was out of surgery but it would be at least an hour before she was conscious enough to see anyone, possibly two hours or even longer. “Did you call Mr. and Mrs. MacElroy?” Finn asked.

“Yes, they’re speaking with the doctor.”

“Is she okay?” Finn asked.

“She seems to have come through nicely. Dr. Sullivan said it went very well.”

“Thank you, God,” he whispered.

Then he took his seat again, waiting patiently. He spotted the MacElroys through the swinging doors to the surgery complex but he waited to be told he could come in.

His father stepped off the elevator and walked over to him. “You okay?” Rob asked.

“I’m fine,” he said. “She’s out of surgery. I’ll see her in an hour or two. I’m a little nervous. I hope she’s not in too much pain.”

“Want me to go downstairs and get you a soda or something?”

“A water, maybe? That would be good. Thanks.”

The MacElroys didn’t come back out and he had no idea where they were. An hour later Maggie came to the waiting area and Finn shot to his feet.

“It was a very positive surgery, Finn. Very clean, very contained, nothing out of the ordinary. The initial pathology report is that it’s benign, not malignant, but they will take a closer look. I think we got every little sliver of it but her next MRI will tell the whole story.”

“God,” Finn said weakly. The idea of surgery for a brain tumor was so traumatic and intense he hadn’t even thought about the possibility of cancer.

“Her recovery the next few days is going to be difficult. She’s going to have a bad headache. She’ll have 24/7 nursing coverage. But she’s young, healthy, strong—she’s going to recover just fine.”

“Is she conscious now?”

“She’s in and out. I’ll take you to see her in recovery, before they move her to ICU, which is going to happen within the hour. Keep it brief. Then I suggest you guys go back to Timberlake. By tomorrow afternoon she might be able to text you, but the nurses aren’t going to let her spend a lot of time doing that. And she’s not only going to be very tired, she’s also going to take advantage of pain medication and sleep a lot. They’ll have her up walking tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Not a lot of walking. She’ll start with a few steps, with assistance. Come with me, let’s go in.”

“Maggie, is she scary looking?” he asked. “I mean, I can take it, but should you prepare me?”

Maggie shook her head. “Nah, it’s not scary. There’s an IV, bandage, heart monitor, the usual gear. It’s all precautionary—she’s in good shape. Let’s do this.”

“Maggie, why do you look so good? You were in there ten hours!”

Maggie smiled and shook her head. “I think I could use a little work, but thank you for being so sweet. I got some fresh scrubs and brushed my teeth. I’m going to be staying here most of the night. I want to check on her until she’s several hours post-op. I have a couple of much shorter procedures tomorrow.”

She turned and Finn followed her. They passed a lot of beds behind drawn curtains and the action back here was even more interesting to Finn. There were doctors and nurses flowing through the large suite, a big curved counter in the center of a work area. Maggie pulled back a curtain and stepped close to the bed. “Maia, are you awake?” Maggie asked. “Finn is here.”

She opened her eyes. She tried to smile but her lips looked dry and chapped. There was an intimidating bandage, a fat section on the left side, gauze wrapped around her head to hold it in place.

He touched her hand and leaned down toward her, speaking softly. “Maggie said you did great.”

“Were you here all day?” she whispered.

“Yeah. Me and my dad. I wanted to see you after surgery but Maggie said we shouldn’t stay. You’re going to need all your strength to get better. If they don’t cut you loose in a few days, I’ll come back. You can text me when you feel up to it.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “If you need me, have someone call me and I’ll come.”

“I wish this was over,” she said.

“Pretty soon,” he said. “Does it hurt a lot?”

“Six,” she said.

Finn looked at Maggie. Maggie smiled. “On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst.”

“Almost seven,” Maia said, her voice soft and scratchy. “My throat...”

“From the intubation tube,” Maggie said. “That will pass soon.”

“I need water,” she said.

“We’ll swab out your mouth,” Maggie said. “For now you’re getting your fluids by IV.”

“Finn,” she said. Her eyes were clouded with tears. “Were you here all day?”

She was groggy, he decided. Maybe a little confused. “I told you I’d be here. I promised. And if you need me to come back, I will.”

“Maggie told me it took all day. I closed my eyes and woke up with a huge bandage and a headache. It seemed like five minutes.”

“We’re getting it behind us,” he said. “One hour at a time.”

“I’m going to have to do something about my hair. It’s shaved on one side...”

“Maia, that’s not important. If you shaved your whole head you would still be the most beautiful girl in town.”

“I’m keeping you forever...”

“Good.” He kissed her cheek again. “I’m going to go. Get some sleep. Everything is going to be okay now. That fucker is out of your head now.” His cheeks grew pink and he looked up at Maggie. “Sorry, Maggie.”

“My sentiments exactly,” she said with a slight smile.

He kissed Maia’s cheek one more time. “Sleep. Remember I love you.”

“I love you,” she whispered back.

“I’ll walk you out,” Maggie said.

“Where are the MacElroys?” he asked.

“They were in a small office behind the nurses’ station talking with the surgeon who scrubbed in with me about post-surgical instructions and things to watch for. They’re going to be hard to get rid of tonight even though they can only see her for a few minutes an hour. Visitors take their toll. She’ll be released in five to seven days, probably. That’s on the whim of the doctor.”

“She looks great but her lips are too dry,” he said.

“She hasn’t been able to lick them in ten hours,” Maggie said. “They’ll be back to their beautiful softness in two days.”

“She doesn’t have to be beautiful for me. I just can’t stand to think of her uncomfortable.”