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Page 2
This guy always surprises me. There's a sharp mind behind the rocker façade. I wonder how many people know how intelligent he is, how he's always thinking. "Maybe, but I wouldn't know because I only seem to have bad luck. Dead parents, no house, shitty boss, crazy ex-boyfriend…" My voice trails off as I stare at the office door.
Trystan doesn't look. He sighs deeply and slips his hand over mine. It's a gesture meant to comfort. "I could say the same thing. My mother ran away, it was my fault, my dad beat the shit out of me, half the time I slept outside, and I'm totally alone. The thing I want most, I don't have and I never will." He shrugs as though he's accepted it.
I glance at the office door, wishing for a version of Sean that is more mirage than real. "Same here."
"Yeah, but I was an as**ole and let it happen. You have a choice. The guy that has your heart is in the same building. He hasn't left you." Trystan looks over at me and then at his hand. He goes to pull it away, but I stop him and look at his hand. The tips of his fingers are calloused from playing his guitar.
I run my fingers over the hardened pads and ask, "So what's stopping you? Fate? I thought that was bullshit. Call her."
Trystan offers a crooked grin as his gaze falls to the floor. He seems so much younger than Sean, more innocent, but equally battered. He still wears his heart on his sleeve occasionally and I can see it now, shattered into a million pieces. "It's not that simple." His voice has a lost sound and I know his mind is a million miles away, remembering something—someone.
"It never is." I lean into him and we tip our heads together. "We seem the same, sometimes."
"I noticed," I feel him smile softly and then he looks down at me. Trystan moves slowly and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. Watching me closely, he speaks so softly, so sincerely, that his voice feels like a caress, "Some people think that each soul was torn in two and that you'll know when you find it, that true happiness can only be found when the two souls are reunited." His blue gaze flicks between my eyes, but I know he isn't talking about me.
"Do you believe that?"
"I did, once."
"And now?" My voice is nearly a whisper. Trystan is way too close and somehow both his hands have made their way to my cheeks. His touch is so gentle, so careful, as he wipes away tears that I didn't feel rolling down my face.
"Now?" He smiles for a second and then it fades. "I'm willing to admit that I don't know anything, not anymore. Sometimes life takes a wrong turn and it goes unnoticed 'til a certain point. Now, I wonder, and I can't help it." He leans in and presses his lips to mine. The action catches me off guard, but I don't slap him or pull away. Trystan feels like an old blanket, warm and familiar. The small touch means so much and nothing at all. It's almost as if it were a test, as if he wanted to see if my lips felt like hers—like the woman he's lost.
Trystan doesn't taste like Sean or hold me the same way. He's gentle, seeking, asking if he should be there, waiting for me rather than forcing himself on me. It's different and I can't help but wonder if Sean's kisses were like this years ago before Amanda shattered his soul.
It's so unexpected and so gentle. I need comfort. I'm scared to death and haven't had someone to hug, or hold me tight. Sometimes those silent gestures mean the most. They're the glue that holds our fragile lives together.
My lips linger, tingling from the contact. It's at that moment that Sean speaks. "Wow, you didn't even wait until the bed was cold. Or did he hire you from Black?"
CHAPTER 4
Trystan pulls his face back, but holds onto me, breathing in slowly before he stands. I want to fight with Sean, but Trystan is between us. He's too calm, too unintimidated, which makes Sean irate. Trystan runs his fingers through his long hair, pushing it out of his eyes. "If you treated her just a little bit better, just a little bit kinder, she'd still be yours. You're too blind to see what she is if you think she's just a call girl."
I was ready to scream at Sean, but the way Trystan speaks deflates me, as it does Sean. Sean's still mad, prickled like a cactus, but he doesn't speak. He allows Trystan to walk away, leaving the two of us staring at one another. That kiss was nothing like Sean's. I could feel Trystan's anguish, the need to forget, to be lost in someone else. He's mourning, deeply.
So is Sean, but his grief comes across differently, and if he's not in control he feels weak. It's a result of losing Amanda, I know it is, but sometimes I crave that soft touch. I glance at Trystan for a second, watching him tuck his hands into his pockets and disappear around the corner. His shoulders are hunched and his head is hung. He looks nothing like the arrogant singer that struts around on stage.
"You like him." Sean speaks and brings my gaze back to his.
I'm silent for a moment and then say, "Does it matter? I'm not asking to be mean, but does it honestly matter? You promised your mother that you're through with me."
"You're not wearing my ring, so there's nothing more to talk about." Sean ends the conversation and I feel the hole in my chest heaving with a weight that I cannot bear.
So I just nod, and tuck my chin so he can't see my eyes, and let my hair fall forward. I don't tuck it behind my ear this time, I let it dangle and shield me. I steady my voice even though I want to cry. "So, what now?"
"Now we hide you until we find out where Henry Thomas has been."
"Sean, I'm tired of hiding." I'm tired of hiding, of fighting, of trying to love someone who doesn't want to be loved. I'm so weary that I feel my seams are coming undone and I can't hold it together any longer. There's blood on my hands—I killed someone. The guilt from that lingers, never truly leaving me even though I had to do it. Rationality doesn't erase guilt or the worry that someone will find his body.
Sean crouches in front of me, lowering his toned body until he's in my face, and speaks so softly that it scares me. Between his tone and the look in his eye, I know he's desperate. This person, the murderer, is a step ahead of him and he can't stand it. His nose just barely brushes mine. His lips curl as he articulates each sound, so that I know there's no room for debate. "Your roommate had a bullet in her brain. I will not let that happen to you. You don't have a choice in the matter. We're hiding you until this situation is resolved and I know you're not in danger."
Sean stands and yells, "Scott!" He calls out once, then again. Trystan emerges from the back of the building, standing in the shadows of the dark hallway. "Take her away from here and hide her until I can resolve a few things." The two men stare at each other. There's an understanding between them that I can't fathom. Sean hates Trystan, why is he handing me off to him?
Before I can speak, Trystan nods. "Done."
They glare at each other for a long moment, then Sean adds, "And Scott, if I can find her, you're a dead man."
CHAPTER 5
When did I lose control over my life? I'm a college drop-out and that's the least of my problems. My dreams shattered one by one, like glass balls falling from a dead Christmas tree. I made one bad decision after another and I can't stand it anymore.
Trystan's been quiet since the confrontation with Sean. I have no idea what's going through his mind. One moment he's spewing philosophy and the next he's looking at me like I'm a mirage. I don't know if he's attracted to me. That kiss is messing with my mind. Is that what it'd be like? Are normal guys doting and sweet? Trystan hasn't demanded a thing from me. He's nothing like Sean, but one thing is the same. I don't think he sees it, but I do.
Broken hearts don't mend.
We're in Trystan's apartment, well, a condo, I guess. It's the hellhole where he grew up. The place is worn and hasn't been lived in for years. A thick layer of dust covers every inch, every surface. A ratty couch and chair are in the small living room, set in front of an old TV that probably doesn't work. It's the fat kind that looks more like a piece of furniture than electronics.
Trystan pulls open a drawer and tosses me a towel. "I don't come here anymore."
"I can imagine why." I say the comment without giving it much thought. Mistake.
He turns and glares at me. "No, you can't." His azure gaze goes back to wiping down the dining table and chairs, before he hurls the cloth at the wall and sits down hard. Sucking in air, he leans forward and plants his elbows on the table, grabbing fists full of hair. "I shouldn't have come back here."
I stand there like an idiot, not knowing what to do. This place is like poison to him. I can see it soaking into his veins and choking him to death. He's withering before my eyes. I pad toward him and place a hand on his shoulder. "Trystan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to put you through this. I'm sorry you're here. I'm sorry you crossed my path and I sucked you into this." My jaw hangs open, but the only sound that pours out is silent regret.
After a moment, my hand slips away and his breathing slows. Still looking down, he tells me, "The last time I was here my old man tried to kill me. Then they found out who I was. It was like a line of dominos. One fell right after the other, good and bad, stirring together until I was so turned around that I didn't know what to do. I had people then, people who helped me. You have no one, except Sean, and in case you didn't notice, the Ferro's are like acid." Trystan sits up and turns. His face is blank, eerily expressionless.
"But Jon's your best friend. So is Bryan." Shaking my head, I ask, "I don't get it. Then, why are you always with them?"
He smiles like he's the stupidest man alive. It's the humble grin of a man that realizes his own naiveté. Sighing deeply, he runs a hand through his hair and looks up at me. "The same reason you're with Sean. I thought they were a little battered—hell, who's not—but they're not like that. Are they?"
When I don't answer, he stands and walks along the tiny kitchen, trailing his finger in the dust. "From the moment I met Jon, I saw what they did to him, the way his family dug in their fangs and sucked him dry. The way they use each other, like they aren't even people, as if they don't matter. Every bite is venomous, every breath taken in that house is poison. They both know it, but there's no way out. I stick around and pick up the pieces, and they do the same for me. Once in a while, I flame out. They can hide things, make it so it never happened, so she never sees." His gaze cuts over to me, before lowering to his dusty finger.
Wiping it on his jeans, he smiles that fake grin of his and tips his head to the side. "Like I said, they're acid—every single one of them. They can clean up a mess so that there are no marks left at all, but they poison everything they touch."
I defend him before I have time to even think. "Sean's not like that."
"Oh?" Trystan folds his arms over his chest. "Elaborate. Enlighten me, Call Girl. Tell me how he's kind and compassionate, about how he takes care of you and puts you first. Tell me about the height of the pedestal he's placed you on, and that you worry about falling off…that he thinks too highly of you. That you're just a girl, but this man thinks you're more stunning than a star hung in the heavens." As he speaks, he steps toward me, one slow step at a time. My heart races as he talks and strings those words together so effortlessly, describing a vivid scene from a life that I don't know. My spine straightens and it's as if I'm being slapped, but he doesn't stop, not until we're nose to nose. "Say it, Call Girl. Tell me."
His breath mingles with mine. I can barely speak without our lips brushing together, but I don't step back. "Just because he's not like that doesn't mean he doesn't care."
Trystan's eyes narrow to slits and his tongue becomes sharp. "Oh, I know. He cares about controlling you, using you, and what else am I forgetting? Oh yeah, claiming you. You're an object to him, something to be won." He lifts a lock of my hair and then drops it as if I wasn't a prize worth fighting for.
I puff up, snapping, "You don't know him the way I do. He's not like that. A broken heart manifests differently in different people. Don't pretend to know how he feels or what he thinks."
Trystan smiles sadly. "That man has no heart. Maybe he did once, but it's gone now."
"How do you know?" I shove a finger into his chest and scold him. "How can you tell me, so definitively, that Sean's a heartless monster?" This entire conversation is touching a nerve that runs deep. It scares me beyond comprehension, because sometimes I see it in Sean's eyes--that he's fallen too far—and he's out of reach.
I'd once thought love could save anyone, but I'm not so certain now. The box, what he did to me, the way he seemed to come back to life, as if he were repressing something dark within him that fights for freedom—is that all that's left of Sean Ferro?
And this man, this rock star, thinks he knows without a doubt. I make a face. He doesn't know Sean better than I do—no one does.
But, Trystan doesn't react the way I expect. Instead, he gently wraps his fingers around mine and pushes my hand away. The corner of his mouth tips up in a look that's pure and somber. Looking me straight in the eye, he whispers, "Because we're the same man." The way he says it sends a chill down my spine. This smiling, carefree guy is not the same as Sean. How can he say that?
It's as if Trystan can read my mind. His dark lashes lower, as does his voice, "Give it a few years and you'll see. The difference between us is wire-thin and time is the enemy. His wife died and he blamed himself, he always has, no matter what the papers say. I suffered heartache that was caused by my own hand as well. The aftermath wasn't as gruesome, but the soul can't tell. It just knows she's gone and it's my fault. My heart dies within me, day by day, beat by beat. I hide it with a smile and wiseass comments, but my pain and suffering is mine and nothing will free me from it. I'm in a cage and there is no key. Sean's been imprisoned for too long. Nothing will set him free. No—not even you."
Trystan's words slice through me like a blade. The air is pulled from my lungs and my response is instant. I slap him across the face and am shocked to feel the sting of his skin against my palm. Sean would have stopped me. Trystan let me strike him. He doesn't grab my wrist or try to force me to do anything.