Author: Nicolette Day

They melted together until she couldn’t tell where one feeling began and the other ended. There was no keeping this separate anymore. No keeping her emotions out of it.

She loved him.

She loved him so much it hurt.

She arched up, needing him deeper. Needing him to tattoo her soul with this experience. He buried his face in her neck and moaned as he brought her closer and closer to the edge. Grunting. Thrusting. Driving.

“Nate…I need you,” she whimpered, wishing he knew just how much.

“Oh, God, baby,” he breathed, panting, pounding. “I need you, too. So much.”

She wrapped her legs around his waist and he rolled his hips, grinding against her. She tensed, and her orgasm ripped through her in a hot, wet flash of intense pleasure. She cried out, and he pressed his forehead to hers, groaning as he pulsed and throbbed, finding his own release.

Afterward, he collapsed on top of her, his heart pounding against hers. The sound of their labored breathing echoed through the room. She smoothed her fingers through his hair and he buried his face against her neck.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Lil,” he whispered against her sweat-slicked skin.

Her fingers paused and her heart nearly stopped. “Why do you think you’re going to hurt me?”

It took him a long time to answer, but at length he said, “Because I hurt everything I touch.”

Chapter Fourteen

Tell her.

Nate pushed away the thought and watched Lilly lie back across the picnic table at the scenic overlook where they’d decided to stop and stretch their legs. Her blond hair spilled over the edge of the table. Late-morning sunlight kissed her skin. She was so fucking beautiful it hurt to look at her.

And he was a total bastard for standing there enjoying the view when he still hadn’t had the balls to tell her the truth. That he was leaving.

How the hell was he supposed to tell her when happiness and hope shone from her eyes every time she looked at him? How was he supposed to tell her he was going to abandon her just as her shitty parents had done?

He shook his head once and blinked away the exhaustion threatening to take over. He wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer. The past two nights were catching up with him. He needed sleep. Last night he’d lain in the darkness for what seemed like an hour waiting for Lilly to drift off. When he’d finally heard her deep, even breathing, he’d slipped out from under her arm and made his way across the room to drop into a chair, then sat awake until the sun lit the window. As tired as he’d been, he couldn’t allow her to see him like that again, caught in the throes of his terrible nightmares. Couldn’t take the risk that he might somehow lose control and hurt her.

She’d seen him at his worst, and still…

She wanted him. Had cried for him. Had done everything she could to help heal him.

And he didn’t deserve any of it.

He scrubbed his hand over his face and fought the urge to throw something just to see it break…the way he was breaking inside.

What was this woman doing to him?

He felt…overwhelmed. The thought of leaving her, of saying good-bye… God, he felt like he was spinning out of control. It was too fucking much.

He wanted her so damn much. No, he more than wanted her…he cared about her. Really, soul-deep cared. And for a moment last night, he’d actually let himself believe they could work. It was so easy to see how she could fit into his life, how she actually wanted to be there. Even knowing how fucked up he was, she loved him anyway. She hadn’t said it, but he could see it in her eyes. Feel it in the way she touched him.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to hate him. She was supposed to see who he really was, and run like hell in the other direction. Not this.

For a moment he let himself imagine what it could be like with her if they made a relationship work. The letters she might send him when he was away overseas. Her smart mouth taunting him from thousands of miles away, making him laugh. Pictures tucked between the pages, making him want. How complete and perfect those homecomings would be. Having her in his bed, his home, in his heart. He’d never had that. Never had someone he felt so desperate for. But, fuck…he wanted it. He wanted it all.

He wasn’t supposed to want it. He was supposed to want escape.

He slashed a hand through his hair. Who the hell was he trying to fool? He couldn’t even sleep in the same room with her without worrying he’d hurt her. Not when every dream was plagued with the horrific images of the seven men he’d left behind. He’d never be able to give her what she needed. What she deserved. And what if he didn’t make it back this time? What if that homecoming ended with him in a pine box? What would that do to her? He couldn’t take that chance. Not with Lilly.

Once again, he’d selfishly chosen to live out a fantasy…and now she was going to get hurt all over again.

He thought about the look in her eyes last night, so much understanding and compassion. How would she look at him after she found out he was leaving? He knew how she would look. She’d look betrayed, that’s how.

“I think I’m in love with Pennsylvania,” she said, holding her camera up to her eye and snapping a picture of the puffs of white clouds meandering across the sky.

Nate took a moment to mask his emotions and walked over to brace his hands on the table on either side of her head, blocking her view. “You’ve barely seen it. After spending the last two days in the pouring rain, I think you’re more infatuated with the sun.”

She clicked a picture of his face and grinned. “Maybe I’m just infatuated with you.”

The smiled dropped off his face and he stepped back out of her line of sight, dread settling in his gut.

Now. Now was the time to say it.

“Hey…what’s wrong?” Lilly was suddenly in front of him, concern shining from her eyes, camera slung around her neck.

“I…”

She frowned. “Did you get any sleep at all after I went back to bed last night?”

“Yeah,” he lied. “I’m fine. We should probably get back on the road. Hayden will kick my ass if we miss the rehearsal dinner tonight.”

She didn’t look like she believed him, but she didn’t push any more, either. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed back to the truck.

Get to the wedding. That’s all he needed to focus on right now. He’d tell her tomorrow night after the reception. Somehow, he’d find a way to say good-bye.

Chapter Fifteen

“Oh, my God…I thought they were having this wedding at a bed-and-breakfast,” Lilly said in awe as she leaned forward to get a good look at the sprawling property and towering nineteenth-century mansion in front of them. “This is amazing. I can’t even imagine what it’s going to look like in the daylight.”

A catering truck was parked around the side of the estate house and music drifted up on a breeze from the back veranda. She checked the clock. They’d actually made it in time for the rehearsal dinner. Thank God.

Nate turned off the ignition, his gaze fixed on the steering wheel. Silent. The same way he’d been for the past eight hours. At one point in their relationship she would have welcomed that silence, but now it was unnerving. She’d thought that after the way they connected last night they’d be on solid ground, but she’d never felt more uncertain.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and her heart hammered out a nervous rhythm. Suddenly, she didn’t want to get out of the truck. She wasn’t ready for the fragile bond between them to break. Something wasn’t right.

“Nate…”

“We’re going to be late,” he said abruptly.

Before she could respond, he was out of the truck and pulling their bags from the back. She blinked back tears, focusing on the beautiful garden lanterns that blinked from the trees surrounding the Summer Valley Bed and Breakfast. It had been a hard trip and he hadn’t gotten much sleep. That’s all this was. Right?

She chanced a glance at him in the rearview mirror. The hard, distant look in his eyes held none of the tenderness from the day before. He’d put the wall back up. She wanted to scream and rail and break it back down. But he wouldn’t even look at her.

She shut her eyes, hating the desperate feeling constricting her chest. It was too familiar. And she refused to succumb to it.

Unable to sit still another moment, she grabbed her camera from the seat and slung it around her neck, thankful they’d stopped at a fast-food place to change before arriving. She couldn’t look at him right now. Not when she didn’t know where they stood.

She climbed out of the truck and took a moment to smooth her hands over the simple black pencil skirt and silky white button-down blouse she’d chosen for the rehearsal. It was simple and professional, without being too overdressed. She slipped on her black pumps, took a deep breath to calm herself, and rounded the truck.

Nate grabbed the last of the bags and hesitated, his gaze wandering over every dip and curve of her body. Just when she thought he’d walk way without a word, he dropped the bags in his hands and backed her up against the side of the truck.

“You look good, Princess,” he said, voice gruff.

She blinked up at him. “Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

She smoothed her hands over his dress shirt and rested them on his abdomen. He lowered his face and pressed his lips to hers in a hard, hungry kiss that ended too soon. When she started to pull at his buttons, he removed her hands and backed away, a sad smile on his face.

“Good luck tonight.” With that, he grabbed their bags and disappeared inside the inn, leaving her alone and confused in the dark.

Focus, Lilly. Just focus on the job. You don’t have time for this. Hayden needs you.

She adjusted her camera strap around her neck and followed the lights and music into the picture-perfect white barn that stood tall and beautiful behind the bed-and-breakfast. Twinkle lights were strewn from the rafters and soft candlelight glowed from the picnic tables and the rustic bar. About twenty-five of Hayden’s and Jace’s closest friends and family were scattered about, chatting and clinking glasses of champagne, looking just as polished as the venue. It was all too perfect for words.

A server passed by with a platter of mini crab cakes and she followed after him to snap a pic.

“You do know the food is for eating, right?”

Lilly smiled at the sound of Hayden’s voice behind her, and spun around to embrace her friend in a big hug. She pulled away to inspect the photo-perfect bride-to-be. In a summery blue-and-white floral dress and yellow pumps, Hayden looked every bit as bright and beautiful as the fairy-tale wedding she’d created here. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” Lilly said.

“I’ve missed you too.” Hayden smiled, checking over Lilly’s shoulder, searching. “So…where is my future brother-in-law? Should we be checking the back roads of New York for his body?”

Lilly rolled her eyes, but she also wondered when Nate was going to join the party. The insecure part of her brain said he was avoiding her. Or possibly jumped ship and hightailed it back to North Carolina to escape her. But she quickly bitch-slapped the negativity back into the dark hole it had crawled out of. This was his brother’s wedding. He wouldn’t do that. Besides, she and Nate had been together nonstop for the past two days. She just needed to give him some space. He’d get there when he got there.

“No. I spared him. You can tell Jace he owes me a drink for that. On second thought, make that five drinks.”

Hayden grinned and grabbed her arm. “Well, now that we know we don’t need to file a missing persons report, come on. I want to show you something.”

Lilly followed her out across the damp grass behind the inn to a path that took them through a densely wooded area. Somewhere close by she could hear water rushing through the dark. Finally she spotted an old wooden bridge that stretched across white water crashing over stones. Even in the dark she could see its charm. The potential that hid between every board and every shadow that the willow trees on either side provided. Twinkle lights that matched the kind in the barn were woven between the rails of the bridge, casting a sparkling glow out onto the flowing creek below. Hayden spun a circle in the middle of the bridge and held her hands out.