Not only did he constantly have to uproot himself for me and spend every minute worrying about me, but I was manipulating and controlling him, and I couldn’t say for sure how long that had been going on. I didn’t know the long-term effects of it either.

Maybe it would’ve been better if she had killed me when I was six. Or better yet, when I was still a baby. Then I wouldn’t have been able to hurt anybody.

When the staff finally led me back to the waiting room, Matt rushed over to hug me. I stood there, but I didn’t hug him back. He inspected me to make sure I was all right. He had heard there was some kind of scuffle and was petrified that something had happened to me. I just nodded and got out of there as fast as I could.

FIVE

insanity

So . . .” Matt began on the drive home. I rested my forehead against the cold glass of the car window and refused to look at him. I had barely spoken since we’d left. “What did you say to her?”

“Things,” I replied vaguely.

“No, really,” he pressed. “What happened?”

“I tried talking to her, she got upset.” I sighed. “She said I was a monster. You know, the usual.”

“I don’t know why you even wanted to see her. She’s a terrible person.”

“Oh, she’s not that bad.” My breath fogged up the window, and I started drawing stars in the mist. “She’s really worried about you. She’s afraid I’m going to hurt you.”

“That woman is insane,” Matt scoffed. “Literally, since she lives there, but . . . you can’t listen to her, Wendy. You aren’t letting anything she said get to you, are you?”

“No,” I lied. Pulling my sleeve up over my hand, I erased my drawings on the window and sat up straighter. “How do you know?”

“What?”

“That she’s insane. That . . . I’m not a monster.” I twisted my thumb ring nervously and stared at Matt, who just shook his head. “I’m being serious. What if I am bad?”

Matt suddenly put on his turn signal and pulled the car over to the shoulder. Rain pounded down on the windows as other cars sped by us on the freeway. He turned to face me completely, putting an arm across the back of my seat.

“Wendy Luella Everly, there is nothing bad about you. Nothing,” Matt emphasized solemnly. “That woman is completely insane. I don’t know why, but she was never a mother to you. You can’t listen to her. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

“Be serious, Matt.” I shook my head. “I’ve gotten expelled from every school I’ve ever gone to. I’m unruly and whiny and stubborn and so picky. I know that you and Maggie struggle with me all the time.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re bad. You’ve had a really traumatic childhood, and yeah, you’re still working through some things, but you are not bad,” Matt insisted. “You are a strong-willed teenager who isn’t afraid of anything. That’s all.”

“At some point that has to stop being an excuse. Sure she tried to kill me, but I have to take responsibility for who I am as a person.”

“You are!” Matt said with a smile. “Since we’ve moved here, you have shown so much promise. Your grades are going up, and you’re making friends. And even if that makes me a little uncomfortable, I know it’s a good thing for you. You’re growing up, Wendy, and you’re going to be okay.”

I nodded, unable to think of an argument for that.

“I know I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you, and I love you.” Matt bent over so he could kiss the top of my head. He hadn’t done that since I was little, and it stirred something inside me. I closed my eyes and refused to cry. He straightened back up in his seat and looked at me seriously. “Okay? Are you okay now?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I forced a smile.

“Good.” He pulled back into traffic, continuing the drive home.

As much as I inconvenienced Matt and Maggie, it would break their hearts if I left. Even if going with Finn would be more promising, it would hurt them too much. Leaving would put my needs in front of theirs. So if I stayed, I put them before me.

Staying would be my only proof that I wasn’t evil.

When we got home, I went up to my room before Maggie could try to talk to me. My room felt too quiet, so I went over to my iPod and started scrolling through songs. A light tapping sound startled me from my search, and my heart skipped a beat.

I walked over to my window, and when I pulled back the curtain, the rain had stopped, and there was Finn, crouched on the roof outside. I considered closing the curtain and ignoring him, but his dark eyes were too much. Besides, this would give me a chance to say a proper good-bye.

“What are you doing?” Finn asked as soon as I opened the window. He stayed out on the roof, but I hadn’t moved back so he could come in.

“What are you doing?” I countered, crossing my arms.

“I came to make sure you’re all right,” he said, concern in his eyes.

“Why wouldn’t I be all right?” I asked.

“It was just a feeling I had.” He avoided my gaze, glancing behind him at a man walking his dog on the sidewalk before turning back to me. “Mind if I come in so we can finish this conversation?”

“Whatever.”

I took a step back and tried to seem as indifferent as possible, but when he slid through the window past me, my heartbeat sped up. He stood in front of me, his dark eyes burning into mine, and he made the rest of the world disappear. I shook my head and stepped away from him, so I wouldn’t let myself get mesmerized by him anymore.