PROLOGUE

Bear

I WAS MAD at the world, at the whiskey for not being strong enough, at the drugs for not lasting long enough, at the fucking whores I banged for not getting me off when it was my fault my dick was fucking useless after a bucket of fucking blow. I went so far as to be pissed at random people on the street for laughing or smiling when I felt like I’d never be able to smile or laugh again.

How dare they?

How fucking dare they move on with their lives like my friend hadn’t just died.

I was on the verge of losing what little sanity I had left when I rode out of Logan’s Beach and set off to find a place, or places, where I could numb myself against the feelings that followed me from town to town, cheap motel to cheap motel, girl to girl, high to fucking high.

Then, this pink haired girl from the past came barreling into my life and it was like for the first time, I’d found a purpose. A real genuine purpose and not just some shit Chop spewed out as orders, that I and every other member of the Beach Bastards took as bible, but a true reason to live again.

To WANT to live again.

Someone to live for.

Ti was my chance at some sort of real happiness when Lord fucking knows I had no idea what that really was before her. The only glimpses of real genuine happiness I’d ever had came courtesy of Preppy, King, and of course Grace. Like when King tattooed us for the first time and we loved them¸ even though they were crooked and downright fucking awful. Like when Grace made me my very first birthday cake. Like the time King, Prep, and I sat at the top of the water tower and thought the world was ours to take.

Because at that time, it was.

Then there was Ti, and my new happiness became the first time I saw her smile. The first time I kissed her. The first time I tasted her pussy by the fire. The first time she let me inside of her, shamelessly pushing through her virginity in a frantic need to make her mine.

Because that’s what she was.

That’s what she would always be.

And I will kill every motherfucker who dares to try and take her from me.

Mine.

CHAPTER ONE

Bear

Thirteen years old…

I WENT INTO my old man’s office to let him know that the shipment he’d been asking about for the last month was finally at the gate. The second I opened the door, I instantly regretted forgetting to knock. Chop was leaning back on the faded green chair in the corner of the room with his jeans down around his ankles, a beer in his hand. A redhead BBB named Millie, or Mallie, or Jennie, was on her knees between his legs, her head bobbing up and down on his dick. “Shit,” I muttered, remembering how much shit he gave me the last time I interrupted him with a chick. The black eye took two months to go away, and after that, he’d put me on gate duty for an entire fucking month.

Grabbing the door handle, I slowly retreated backwards, hoping he hadn’t noticed me.

I wasn’t that lucky.

“What the fuck have I told you, boy?” he bellowed. I froze. “You fucking stupid or something? You remember what happened last time you showed me disrespect? I tell you to fucking knock and you just walk in like you own the fucking place?” The girl lifted her mouth off his dick with an audible pop and I cringed. “Don’t fucking stop, bitch. Did I tell you that you could fucking stop?” Chop grabbed the back of her head and shoved her back down on his dick, holding her there.

“Sorry, Pop,” I said, a slip of the tongue and something else that was sure to set him off.

“Pop? Pop!” This time he yanked the girl’s head off his lap and threw her to the side, she landed on her hip and winced. He stood, tucking himself inside his jeans, zipping up as Jodi ran past us out the door. “What are you supposed to call me, son?” Chop spat, getting in my face. I could smell the beer on his breath.

“Prez,” I answered, looking to the floor as I’d been instructed.

“That’s right. Prez. The Daddy and Pop shit was for when you were a kid, and you ain’t no fucking kid no more,” he said. “Why do I want you to call me Prez?” he asked, poking me in the chest.

“Because you are the Prez,” I said, reciting the words he’d made me say ever since I’d officially turned prospect, and he’d decided that Pop was somehow a term of disrespect.

“That’s right, prospect. Me. I’m your fucking Prez. I’m not your dad, or your pop, or your fucking old man.” Chop grabbed me by my blank cut and tugged me down the hall and then down the stairs into the common room. A few of the brothers were sitting on stools at the bar. Most of the others were playing pool, their bets stacked up in high piles on the rim of the table, indicating the high stakes of the game.

Although it didn’t really matter how high the stakes were because the second Chop entered the room they put down their cues and turned their attention to us. He stood behind me and pushed me forward. I braced myself on one of the tables to keep from falling, sending a stack of bills scattering to the floor.

“Tell them. Tell your future brothers who I am, prospect,” Chop ordered, taunting me like he was waiting for me to snap. I was pissed but I wasn’t fucking stupid. All I had to do was bide my time as a prospect because once I was a patched member he’d have to show me some respect.

I hoped.

“He’s…” I started but faltered under the gaze of the brothers.

“I’m what, BOY!?” Chop leaned down and shouted in my ear. “And stand up fucking straight. I know whores who spend all day on their knees and on their backs who stand straighter than you.” He grabbed a fistful of my hair and tugged me upright.

“The Prez,” I said a little louder this time, wincing as he continued to pull on my hair like I was a fucking puppet and he was holding the strings.

“Who?” he barked like a drill sergeant.

“You are the Prez!” I screamed, hoping it would be good enough for him to let me go and for all of this to be over, which was all I wanted when Chop went off the deep end, which was more and more often.

“And who are you?”

“I’m nobody. I am a prospect.”

“What about the rest?” Chop prompted and my hands shook, my fear slowly turning to anger. I took a couple of deep breaths to try and suppress it. No good would come of me lashing out.

Just remember last time. Stay calm. A few more minutes. I told myself.

“Tell them what I have you tell me, you little twat. Tell them what you should already know, but seem to keep forgetting over and fucking over again when you show me disrespect.”