Of course not…

I googled “cheap whirlwind date,” and pretended as if I’d planned to take her on one all along. I took her to a free art gallery and to Zapas—a restaurant a step above fast food fare. Then, because I was such a “nice guy,” I took her to a private park.

When we returned to the parking lot, her true intentions began to surface. As soon as we got into my car, her arms went around my neck and her lips were against mine.

I reclined my seat and pulled her into my lap, rolling my windows all the way up.

She straddled me, kissing me harder as I ran my fingers through her hair. I slipped my hand underneath her sweater, running my fingers along the clasp of her bra. Before I could take things any further, my phone rang.

I ignored it, letting it continue to sound off in my pocket.

Monica moaned against my mouth, and my phone rang again, but I ignored it once more. Surely it was a misdial, and it couldn’t have been anyone important; the people closest to me knew I was on a date.

Unsnapping Monica’s bra, I palmed her breasts in my hands.

My phone rang louder, again and again.

Groaning, I gently lifted Monica out of my lap and placed her in the passenger seat. “Give me one second.” I kissed her lips again before taking out the phone to see who it was.


“This better be a goddamn national emergency…” I held the phone up to my ear.

“It is…” She was crying. Hard. “It fucking is…”

“Whoa. Hold up.” I changed my tone. “What’s going on? Why are you crying?”

“I’m sorry for calling instead of texting during your date, but…”

“But what?”

“After you take Monica home—whatever time that may be, could you please come get me?”

“Where are you?”

“Waldman Theater…”

“The one near the bookstore?”

“No…”she said. “The one by the airport…”

What? “Where is Elliott?”

“Gone…He left me here.” She sniffled. “I’m perfectly fine…Just wanted to get a ride since the buses don’t come out here. Oh, and before you ask, yes, I’ll definitely give you gas money for driving all the way out here.”

“I wasn’t going to ask you for gas money.”

“It was a joke…” She sniffled again. “Will you be able to get me?”


“Thanks. See you later.” She hung up, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to give Monica my full attention right now, even if I tried.

I buckled my pants and cranked the engine. “Something important just came up. We’ll have to finish this later…”

“Aww!” She blushed as she readjusted her bra. “You really are a gentleman! You want to wait until the second date until we have sex! I was so going to sleep with you today, but it’s cute that you want to hold off for a bit!”

Fuckkkk, Ari…

I dropped Monica off in record time, with her promising a “more satisfying night” next weekend, and began the long drive to the airport area. I passed exit after exit, wondering what type of argument must have transpired between Ari and Elliott for him to leave her in the middle of nowhere.

Why the hell would anyone do that?

When I pulled up to the theater, Ari was sitting on a bench with a bucket of popcorn in her lap—looking at her phone. I pulled up to the curb and got out of the car.

“Hey…” I said.

“Hey…” She didn’t look up as I sat next to her. “I hope you didn’t cut your date short because of this.”

“There were a few other reasons…”

“Oh?” She looked at me and I noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, that there were tears falling down her face.

“Yeah…” I untied the silk headband she was wearing and pressed it against her cheeks. “Turns out she wanted a whirlwind date, too. She also thought I was a complete gentleman, so she wore a sweater.”

“Bahahaha!” She burst into laughter and I caught the popcorn bucket before it could fall to the concrete. “Oh god! I am…I am…Bahahahaha! That’s what you get for trying to sleep with every girl possible.”

“Glad my night of epic failure could make you laugh...” I waited for her to stop. “What happened to yours?”

“Turns out, you were right…”


“Guys our age are really only interested in sex…” She paused, looking at me.

“Okay…” I said. “Are you going to tell me the rest of the story, or are you waiting for something?”

“I’m waiting for you to say what you’re supposed to say. You know, that’s not true, Ari. All guys our age aren’t only interested in sex.”

I blinked.

“Ugh...” She shook her head. “He tried to put a move on me in the theater and I mean…I went along with it at first because he’s a really good kisser. I mean a really, really good kisser. He does this thing with his tongue where he kind of—”

“Can we bypass all the flattery parts for the asshole who left you in the middle of nowhere, please?”

“Right…” She snapped out of it. “As we were kissing, he started slipping his hands under my dress and you know…”