“Sir.” She was keeping it formal, yet her tension vibrated through him. He deliberately nudged at it, determined to clear the air between them. “I believe I just gave you permission. Something is troubling you. What is it?” At her continued silence, he found his own temper rising. “Speak!” he snapped at her.

“Very well, sir.” She bit off the words, her black eyes flashing. “I find it difficult to perform my duties when my captain obviously has no respect for me. You humiliate me in front of the crew, and then expect me to keep my watch in order. It isn’t right and it isn’t fair.”

“What?” he demanded, outraged. How could she say such things, after he had taken her on as a working mate, entrusted his private plans to her, even consulted with her on what was best for the vessel? “When have I ever ‘humiliated you in front of the crew’?”

“During the battle,” she grated out. “I was doing my best to repel boarders. You not only stepped in and took the task from me, but also said to me, ‘Get back. Stay safe.’ ” Her voice was rising with her anger. “As if I were a child you must shelter. As if I were less competent than Clef, who you kept by your side.”

“I did not!” he defended himself. Then he halted his words at the flare of fury on her face. “Did I?”

“You did,” she said coldly. “Ask Clef. I’m sure he remembers.”

He was silent. He could not recall saying such words, but he did recall the lurch of fear in his heart at the sight of Althea in the midst of the fighting. Had he said such a thing? His heart sank with guilt. In the heat of battle and the chill of fear… probably, he had. He imagined the affront to her pride, and her confidence. How could he say such a thing to her in the midst of a fight, and expect her to keep her self-respect? He deserved her anger. He moistened his lips. “I suppose I did. If you say I did, I know I did. It was wrong. I’m sorry.”

He looked up at her. His apology had shocked her. Her eyes were very wide. He could have fallen into their depths. He gave a small shake of his head and a smaller shrug. She continued simply to look at him, silently. The simple sincerity of his apology had cracked his restraint with her. He struggled desperately to retain his control. “I have great faith in you, Althea. You’ve stood beside me and we’ve faced crimpers and serpents…. We put this damn ship back in the water together. But during the battle, I just…” His voice tightened in his throat. “I can’t do this,” he said suddenly. He lay his hands, palms up, on the table and studied them. “I can’t go on like this anymore.”

“What?” She spoke slowly, as if she hadn’t heard him correctly.

He surged to his feet and leaned over the table. “I can’t go on pretending I don’t love you. I can’t pretend it doesn’t scare me spitless to see you in danger.”

She shot to her feet as if he had threatened her. She turned from him but two strides carried him to stand between her and the door. She stood like a doe at bay. “At least hear me out,” he begged. The words rushed out of him. He wouldn’t consider how stupid they would sound to her, or that he could never call them back again. “You say you can’t perform your duties without my respect. Don’t you know the same is true for me? Damn it, a man has to see himself reflected somewhere to be sure he is real. I see myself in your face, in how your eyes follow me when I’m handling something well, in how you grin at me when I’ve done something stupid but managed to make it come out all right anyway. When you take that away from me, when…”

She just stood there, shocked and staring. His heart sank. His words came out as a plea. “Althea, I am so damn lonely. Worst is to know that whether we fail or succeed, I still lose you. Knowing that you are, every day, here on the same ship with me, and I cannot so much as share a meal with you, let alone touch your hand, is torment enough. When you will not look at me or speak to me… I can’t go on with this coldness between us. I can’t.”

Althea’s cheeks were very pink. Her rain-soaked hair was just beginning to dry, pulling out of her queue in curling tendrils that framed her face. For an instant, he had to close his eyes against the sweet pain of wanting her. Her words, broke through to him. “One of us has to be sensible.” Her voice was very tight. She was standing right in front of him, not even an arm’s length away. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself as if she feared she might fly apart. “Let me pass, Brashen.” Her voice was a whisper.