Angelica was staring at the floor. Not moving. Just staring.

Right.

I went in search of Jaymeson, but he was nowhere to be found.

Finally, I took the steps two at a time in search of Alec.

Jaymeson was in Alec’s room. With the rest of the camera crew.

“You slept with my mother!” Jaymeson punched Alec across the jaw. Alec was a big dude, no lie. I was already trying to grow balls enough to attack him, let alone pick a fight. Jaymeson wasn’t small, but he was British. I didn’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just… well, he was a bit more wiry than Alec. Built differently. Alec had at least twenty pounds of muscle on Jaymeson.

“Sorry,” Alec said, his face already starting to swell. “But before you go blaming me for everything, you should talk to your mom, Jaymeson. You’ve got a pretty screwed up family.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Jaymeson yelled, pushing Alec away from him. “I hate them! I hate them both and you’ve just made it worse.” His voice cracked. “Because of them, I hate one of my best friends too.”

I walked in the room, hands up. I wanted no more punches thrown. I just wanted the truth.

And then I saw the suitcase.

Oh, hell no. “What are you doing?” I pointed at the suitcase in utter disbelief. “Are we all going somewhere?

I looked at Ruben, but he refused to make eye contact.

“I’m leaving.” Alec pushed Jaymeson out of the way and grabbed some more shirts, tossing them into the suitcase.

“Do I have to go too?” I asked, still confused. Why the hell would he leave?

“Nope.” The sound of Alec zipping up the suitcase may as well have been fingernails on a chalkboard.

“What the hell is going on?”

Alec turned to me. A look of pure desperation mixed with guilt clouded his features. “I can’t do it anymore. It’s not fair to her. It’s not fair to you. I was using—” He licked his lips. “It doesn’t matter. Congrats, Demetri, you finally won. You should be proud.”

“Proud?” I spat. “My best friend and brother is leaving me to rot in this hell hole. Not to mention he just broke one of my best friend’s hearts, and you want me to be proud? I want to freaking murder you right now!”

“Get in line,” Jaymeson said from behind me.

“Do it. Maybe I’ll feel better.” Alec stood in front of me. “Or you could move.”

“Why would I do that?” I met his gaze.

“Because I need this.” His voice cracked, and his nostrils flared and there it was. The same desperation I had seen in the mirror for the better part of two years. “I need this so damn bad. And I can’t… I can’t keep hurting people I love.”

“When will you be back?”

He walked past me and paused in the doorway. “I don’t know.”

“She may not ever forgive you, Alec. Don’t walk away from her. Battle your demons with her.”

“They’ll consume us both,” he whispered. “I can’t… I just can’t.”

“Then you’re a coward,” I whispered under my breath, hoping he wouldn’t hear me.

In an instant Alec was in front of me. He lifted me and pushed me against the wall, holding onto my favorite shirt like it was a noose around my neck. “Don’t you dare say I’m a coward! Do you know how damn hard it is to walk away? You don’t. Because you’ve always faced things head on, and wonder-of-all-wonders, it all worked out for you. It just took near death to get your head screwed on straight.” The man had a point.

“Not everyone is like you, Demetri. Not everyone is willing to jump off that cliff and have faith that everything’s going to be okay.”

He released his hold and cursed. “A coward would stay, man. A coward would crawl into his shell and pretend that the damn sun was still shining. A coward would use every excuse in the book to lie to himself, to lie to the person he loved while he slowly destroyed the light in her eyes. I’m not a coward. I’m walking away before I hurt her more. I’m walking away before I destroy the most important person in my existence.”

“And what about you?” I called after him as he grabbed his large suitcase. “What will you do?”

“Be the man she deserves without using her to block away my past.”

I let him go.

I walked slowly out of the room with the camera crew. I knew I wasn’t the only one sweating after that little exchange. Jaymeson muttered a curse next to me and ran down the stairs. After tonight he really was going to need plastic surgery to fix some of the cuts on his face, not to mention veneers for the missing teeth.

Alec slammed the door behind him.

The SUV started.

And I have to admit I waited for him to get over it and come back. I waited for two hours before I finally gave up and went into my room for some sleep.

Alyssa was quietly sitting on my bed, her hands folded in her lap.

Crap, something was up.

“Spill.” I lay down next to her and patted the spot beside me. She lay down next to me and sighed.

“I swore I wouldn’t say anything.”

“Well, now you have to tell me.” I yawned. “But please let it be soon because I’ve had probably the worst night of my life.”

“Even worse than that time you dreamt seagulls broke through your window and were swarming your room?” she joked.

“Hilarious. And yes, even worse than that. Though, no lie, that possibility still creeps me out.”

“We have a problem.”

“We? What’s this we business?” I pulled her over me so she was straddling me, her hair cascaded over her me like a waterfall, tickling my jaw.

Taking a deep breath she blurted, “Nat’s pregnant.”

Shit.

Chapter Twenty-seven

Alec

I drove for hours. Basically I went in circles. I had intentions of going to the airport and flying home.

Instead I went where I should have gone the minute I fell for Nat. The minute I saw myself falling into old habits and pushing everything away.

She was my last hope. I knocked twice and waited.

“Alec?” The door opened. Mrs. Murray stepped out. “What are you doing? It’s late. Where’s Nat?”

My mouth opened. I tried to speak but nothing came out except for a cross between a curse and a whimper.

“Come on.” Mrs. Murray, my old shrink and the original reason for AD2 settling in Seaside for a year, and of course, as luck would have it, Nat’s mom, let me into her small office off the living room.

I sat on the couch, suddenly exhausted.

“Am I Nat’s mom or your shrink?” Mrs. Murray asked softly.

“If you were Nat’s mom you’d castrate me,” I muttered. “So please be the shrink. Put on the professional hat, sit back, pull out your notepad, and fix this.”

“Fix what?”

I shuddered. “Me. Fix me.”

“I can’t fix you.”

“You fixed Demetri.”

“Demetri fixed himself.” Mrs. Murray’s pen clicked in the background. “I just gave him the steps toward that.”

“I need more than steps. I need a freaking map with stickers that say, Go This Way.”

“Alec…” Mrs. Murray cleared her throat. “Let’s start at the beginning.”

“The beginning?” I repeated, clenching my eyes shut as I fought to keep all of the memories tightly sealed. “I—I can’t.”

“You can.”

I thought of Nat, of her smile, and why I couldn’t be with her. I thought of all the different ways I had failed her. I couldn’t fail her now. There were so many secrets, so many lies, so many things I had kept to myself and never told Demetri because I knew it would destroy him. I had thought him too weak to deal with it, so I did it for him. In my own ridiculous way, I handled things. I just ignored them and ignored how they ate at my soul every single day.

I took a few deep breaths and answered, “My dad. It starts with my dad.”

“When he died of cancer?”

“No…” My hands shook as tears streamed down my face. “When he adopted my brother.”

“Your brother?” she asked, breathless.

“Demetri. We adopted Demetri.”

I heard the pen drop to the floor. And I could have sworn Mrs. Murray muttered a swear word before she cleared her throat. “I take it he doesn’t know.”

“You think?” I snapped. “Sorry, that was rude.”

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

“I kept it from him.” I sighed. “When our dad was dying he said he didn’t want Demetri to go on without knowing the truth. I promised my dad I would tell Demetri when he was older, when he was ready. I mean, I’m only a year and a half older than him. It’s not like I was super mature at the time anyways. But I gave him my word.”

“What happened?”

I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling. “My family was always involved in the music industry, so when we got famous I hid the truth. We had no family left. And honestly, I was selfish. Technically, Demetri had family left and I didn’t. The story was that a girl from our town had gotten pregnant at sixteen. My parents had always wanted another kid and for some reason they couldn’t have any more after me. So they adopted him. Didn’t say a word. The girl finished high school and got married. But my dad lied. She wasn’t just a girl. She was one of his boss’s daughters, a record exec to be exact. So for years Demetri has basically known his mother, but never really known her. I didn’t even know who she was until it was too late. Guess where she lives?”

“I’m not sure I want to.”

“L.A.,” I finished. “She lives in L.A. Once we really made it, I told myself I wasn’t being selfish keeping Demetri to myself. I mean, he was all I had, and I was jealous he had something I didn’t. He was the favorite you know.”

I sounded seriously ridiculous but I just kept talking. “My parents loved him. They called him sunshine. I may as well have been rain.”

“I’m sure both your parents loved you equally.”

“They did.” I bit my lower lip. “I know that now. And I regret doing what I did. The funny thing? I still have her contact information in my pocket. Dad wrote it on a sticky note at the hospital. You have no idea how many times I’ve wished I could go back and call that damn number.”

Mrs. Murray cleared her throat. “Who is she?”

I didn’t want to say. I mean I really didn’t want to say. I would rather rip off my fingernails one by one than admit who his mom was — admit that she still cared for Demetri and that she was basically off her rocker in more ways than one.

So many lies.

Too many lies.

I swallowed. “Jayemson’s step-mom is Demetri’s real mom.”

Silence.

“Yeah.”

“How?” Mrs. Murray dragged out the H in how. I would have totally asked the same thing.

“Who knows? God hates us? We never worked with her. She was more of a trophy-wife type of gal. Soon after she moved to L.A. fate intervened, and she met British producer David Cartwright. The rest is history.”