I changed that day.

Everything I had been before June twenty-ninth was wiped clean. When I lay down beside Willow, it was as if she took my pain; she took my burdens.

I felt it pressing on me. I knew I would share, but before I did, I needed to make sure Naomi understood.

I murmured again, “She never said anything. Not about that.”

She scooted even closer. “But you are talking. You are saying something.”

Yeah . . .

“I’m fine,” I told her.

“No, I know—”

She didn’t. I had to make sure she did. “Willow died, and I lived. I laugh. I love. I feel happiness, but this year was so hard. I wanted to be with her at times, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I had Robbie depending on me. My parents needed me. And I have Ryan. I love him, and I know we’ll be fine. We’ll be happy. I mean, yeah, we’ll have problems, and we’ll struggle. Everyone does. Every relationship has ups and down, but we’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.”

“I know.” But she still frowned, struggling to figure out what I was telling her.

“I’m not arguing with you about what Willow felt. I know she was hurting. I just didn’t know how much she was hurting, and I wish—”

My voice broke. It went back to not working, and I had to wait a moment. One breath, two, three, and then I could speak again. “I wish I had seen more than I had. I wish I had talked to her, but I was wrapped up in myself. I could only see what I was dealing with, and I never thought—”

My voice stopped again. I had to wait longer this time. Thirty seconds, and then, I tried again. “It wasn’t supposed to be her. I wasn’t supposed to be the one to go on and shine. That was always her role.” I repeated again, “She never talked. I am talking now.”

Naomi sat up, a look of horror on her face, but I grabbed her hands before she could sit back in her seat, and I finally told her what I’d been hiding from everyone else.

“I don’t know how she found it. I don’t know why she had it with her, but she didn’t write that note. I didn’t read Willow’s suicide note because it wasn’t hers.” I let go of Naomi’s hands and sat back, finally, finally feeling some peace as I shared my last secret.

“It was mine.”