I hated them in that second.

I hated what they stood for.

I hated what they did.

But it wasn’t really them I hated, not even a tiny bit.

Erin wouldn’t step up to the plate. Cora backed down right away. Even Peach had expressed her sympathy, but these girls—they were worth the fight.

I wanted this fight. I could breathe it in. It could be my purpose for living. But none of them replied, and I glimpsed Ryan in the back corner. I locked eyes with him, and just like that, the rage drained from me.

It left me weak, and shame bloomed in my chest.

I felt tears coming to my eyes, and I turned away.

It wasn’t them I wanted to fight.

“Mom?”

My phone began ringing not long after my standoff with whatever-her-name-was, so I didn’t have much time to dwell on how embarrassed I should be. Grabbing it, I moved out to the hallway and huddled against a locker with my finger in my ear so I could hear her.

“Yeah! Hey, honey. How was your day at school?” She didn’t wait for my answer. “Listen, something’s come up. Nothing bad, but your father and I are staying in the city tonight. We’ll go to work like normal tomorrow, and then pick Robbie up for the weekend. We’ll be home tomorrow afternoon.”

Oh.

I felt someone standing behind me, and I knew it was Ryan before I looked. I was attuned to his presence.

I turned to face him, still leaning against the locker, and put my other finger in my ear. “You aren’t coming home at all tonight?”

His eyes lit up.

I rolled mine, knowing what he had on his mind.

“Yes. I mean, no, and Mackenzie, please be good. Please, please, please, no Ryan in your bed tonight.”

Wait—what was she saying? I leaned forward. “But he can stay over?”

I heard a long sigh from her end. “I really wish you’d make some female friends, but yes. Ryan can stay over as long as he doesn’t sleep with you and there’s no sex. Got it?”

I gave him a thumbs-up. “Yes. We got it. No sex, and he won’t sleep in my bed.”

Ryan was grinning when I hung up. “We’re sleeping in the basement then?”

“Hell yeah.”

He tugged me in for a kiss.

I let myself get lost for a few seconds before pulling away. My anger was still raw from the gym confrontation, but his touch helped calm the edges. I didn’t feel so much like a combustible balloon—one prick and I’d explode.

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

For making me feel sane again. “For not looking at me like I have two heads.” I started to pull away, not wanting to see his response, but he tugged me back.

A fierce look filled his eyes. “Hey,” he said softly. “I get it. Okay? You’ve only had words with a few girls. Kirk and I trolled for actual fights some weekends. It was stupid, and bad—really bad.”

A slice of fear went through me at the thought of Ryan in a fight. “Were you hurt?”

His grin turned lopsided. “That was kinda the point.”

“Did your parents know?”

He nodded. “I couldn’t hide the evidence, but I stopped. Peach looked traumatized every time she saw me afterward. I couldn’t do it after a while.”

I was shaken by the thought, but I remembered how it had felt to square off against the girls in the gym. Flames started flickering, warming me. It was almost addictive, and so simple. Hurt or be hurt. Those were the options, and both were an escape from what I didn’t want to feel.

I shuddered, feeling it starting to burn again. “Let’s go.” Before I go in search of another fight.

I didn’t feel Willow beside me, but I heard her. And you always thought I was stupid for fighting. You get the appeal now? You can forget yourself . . .

They were her parting words as I walked away.

We went through a drive-thru for a couple of burgers. Ryan pulled up to the window and started fishing for his wallet to pay, but an older guy replaced the food attendant at the window. He shook his head, holding out the bag of food. “Not for you. Your food is always free during basketball season.”

Ryan grimaced. “No. Thank you, but I’d rather pay, sir.”

“I won’t hear of it.” He held the bag out and shook it a little. “I know you’re going to take us to the championships again. This is an easy payoff. Take the food, Jensen.”

I could tell Ryan was reluctant, but he took the bag. “Thank you.”

The man nodded before pulling his arm back inside and letting the window close behind him.

Ryan didn’t move forward, not at first. His head bent forward, the bag in one hand and his money in his other. “Fuck it,” he growled.

There was a donation box for a children’s hospital past the window, and Ryan stuffed the entire wad of cash inside before heading out.