That made me feel good. “If she likes him, you think that’s a bad thing?”

He sat next to me, straddling so one knee was touching mine and his other knee was behind me. He was sweaty and smelly, but neither mattered. I felt myself calming, just having him this close, and I was startled to realize I hadn’t even known I wasn’t calm until he touched me.

I relaxed into him, and he pulled me close. “I don’t know. Kirk always had a thing for Cora growing up.”

“He did? When did that stop?”

He didn’t answer right away, and I turned to look at him more fully. He was suppressing a grin.

“When she started liking me.”

I swatted his knee. “And you pretended to play dumb, didn’t you?”

He shrugged, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. “I never liked Cora like that, but she never said anything. I would have been an asshole if I’d told her straight up not to like me.”

“There were little ways you could’ve set her straight.”

“I did. I dated other girls. I emphasized that she and I were friends, but that’s all over.” He hugged me close. His chin rested on my shoulder, and I felt his voice through his chest to me as he spoke, “Who knows? Maybe that’ll be a good thing. I think Kirk actually does like her.”

I was starting not to care, being in his arms.

“Ryan!”

And I was back to caring.

I looked down. Erin was waving at us—at him—wildly enough that her shirt rode up, showing off her midriff. I felt a growl forming, and Ryan bit back a laugh.

He nipped my shoulder. “Easy now.”

“Right.” I locked eyes with him. “Imagine me saying that to you about Wachowitz two hours ago.”

He winced. “Sorry.” Lifting his head, he called out, “What, Erin?”

She stiffened. That hadn’t been the inviting tone she wanted, but she pushed out her chest anyway. “A bunch of us are going for pizza. You want to come?”

I waited to be included in the invite, but it didn’t happen.

A full growl erupted, and I surged to my feet. “You did not do that, did you?”

I wasn’t waiting. I started down where she was, and Erin squeaked, backing up.

I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I wasn’t going to let the insult stand.

“Hey.” One of her friends backed up in front of her like she was going to block me. She waved her hands in the air. “Come on, Mackenzie.”

I ignored her. I ignored everyone watching us, and I really ignored how I knew I was overreacting. But this was a personal affront.

How could I not react?

I went right up to Erin, and I kept going until she was backed against the gym wall. I slammed my hands against the wall beside her, trapping her.

My eyes were dead. I couldn’t see myself, but I knew they were. I was channeling all the anger, grief, and sadness inside me, everything I’d started to suppress. I let it all up to the surface and turned every ounce of it on her.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

She gulped, not daring to look away. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“You ask your ex out for pizza while he’s sitting right next to his girlfriend? When I’m right in front of you. What’d you think I was going to do?”

I felt Willow snort beside me. It’s because you’ve been nice. She’s forgetting the crazy in you.

Fine. I’d let her see how crazy I was, and I pulled back the last remaining wall. I let her see the girl who cyberstalked her dad’s mistress (well, who I thought was his mistress) and showed up at her house. I let her see the girl who’d been talking, seeing, feeling, smelling her dead sister, and I let her see the girl who had yet to talk about what it was like to find her sister in her own pile of blood. That girl had never been let out, yet.

I let her see the darkness in me.

Erin had almost shrunk in half, starting to ball up, but I wasn’t letting her go.

This was an insane scene. I was causing it, and I knew people were recording it on their phones. They’d talk about what a lunatic I was, probably talk about how Ryan deserved better, but I didn’t give a shit. I meant what I’d said to Cora—you couldn’t care. Once you did, they had you.

Are you really fighting them? It wasn’t only Willow’s voice in my head. It was Robbie’s. It was my dad’s. It was my mom’s. It was mine.

Maybe not. Maybe I was fighting myself.

Maybe I was fighting something else entirely.

“I don’t know, okay?” Erin yelled, throwing her hands wide and shoving me back.

I gave a step, but I didn’t flinch. I didn’t even feel it. I knew it happened because I heard the crowd gasp behind me.