“You could only be so lucky bro.”

I snorted and waved him off as I headed toward my room. The door was closed and everything was dark when I pushed it open. Shaw was curled up in the fetal position in the center of the bed and it didn’t take a genius to tell she was wide awake and had been crying. She had her hands tucked up under her cheek and was staring sightlessly at the blank TV.

“What did you do to him?” Her voice was raw and even more husky than normal from crying. I sat on the edge of the bed reached out to run a hand over her thigh.

“I told him to back off and that it wasn’t smart to piss off someone that had me as a boyfriend. I don’t know what his deal is Shaw, I think the dude is certifiable he just doesn’t relate on any kind of logical level.”

“I thought you were going to hurt him.”

“Well I might have but it was broad daylight and there was an entire college of students walking around. I pushed him around a little and we tossed some crap at each other but I just mostly wanted him to know you aren’t alone, that if he hurts you there are plenty of people waiting in the wings to hurt him back.”

Silent tears ran down her face and I had to lean all the way over her prone form to wipe them away with my thumbs.

“I just want him to go away. I never did anything to deserve this. All I ever do is what everyone else wants why I am being punished for doing the one thing in life I want for myself.”

“I don’t know Casper, I just don’t know.” I didn’t know how to make her feel better so I just scooted up on the bed behind her and gathered her up in my arms while she cried. I didn’t consider myself an empathetic or even a compassionate guy. I was usually so wrapped up in my own head and my own spiral of emotional nonsense to pay much attention to anyone else’s, but holding Shaw while she cried changed something in me on a fundamental level. I felt like there was nothing on earth I wouldn’t do or wouldn’t give to make this better for her. I felt like a failure for not stopping it from happening to her and I knew that from this point on keeping an eye on her and keeping her relatively safe from just Davenport wasn’t enough. Suddenly with blinding clarity I knew that I wanted to keep her safe and protected from anything that was ever going to hurt her forever and ever and that just sucked because I had a sneaky suspicion that somewhere along the line I had probably been the cause of just as much distress as polo shirt was proving create and that just made me want to break things all over again.

Chapter 14

Shaw

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Ayden sounded nervous and she wasn’t thrilled I had dragged her to Marked so early in the morning. We were sitting in a little room at the shop I had never seen before even though I was spending more and more time at the shop waiting for Rule to get off or dropping him off dinner if he had to work late. The room had clearly been decorated by a female, Cora’s funky sense of style was all over the place and it smelled a little less antiseptic than the rest of the shop. I was sitting on a chair that looked an awful lot like the one you would find in a gynecologist’s office and nervously fidgeting with everything in sight.

“I’m sure.”

“I just don’t understand why you want to do something that’s going to hurt.”

“It’ll only hurt for a minute and I trust Cora.” I did. Whenever I was at the shop we inevitably ended up spending hours talking and had even taken our budding friendship out of the building. When Rule or Rome were unable to pull ‘eyes on Shaw duty’ Cora didn’t seem to mind hanging out with me until one of my many watch dogs was free. I really liked her and since the idea had taken root I was happy that having someone I knew and was comfortable with pierce me was the only way I was going to go through with it. Cora had even agreed to come in when the shop was closed while Rule and Nash were at the gym so that I could keep it a surprise.

“I just want to make sure you’re doing it for you and not for Rule. What if you guys break up and the next guy you date is all straight laced and proper? Pierced nipples might not work for your next boyfriend.”

I gave her a bored look and tried to calm my nerves. The truth was doing it had nothing to do with Rule. I was back to feeling like I had no control over my life again. The thing with my car and the way Gabe was still influencing my day to day life, the pressure from my parents about everything from my hair to Rule, the way Rule disappeared inside himself when I started to get too close it was all closing in on me and I needed something that was just for me. I wanted this little something that was my choice, a decision to alter my body that no one else had any say in. I was having migraines more frequently, three in the last two weeks and if I didn’t do something I was going to shatter apart in too many pieces to put back together.

“If I Rule and I break up you really think the next guy in my life is going to be all clean cut and preppy?”

“I don’t see why not. You dated Gabe for six months and he’s about as opposite physically from Rule as one can get. I bet pierced nipples would send him into cardiac arrest.”

“I’m never dating anyone just because I’m supposed to again, and I’m not planning on dating anyone besides Rule for the foreseeable future anyway so let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

The truth was things had been strained between Rule and I for the last week. I didn’t know what it was but he was treating me like I was spun sugar and going to break apart at any moment. When he didn’t think I was paying attention I would catch him staring at me with a confused look in his gaze like he was trying to figure out what I was still doing there, or why he was still around. He was obsessively concerned about my safety and making sure I was never ever alone and even though we still spent every night together at alternating homes the time we spent in bed had morphed from passionate and out of control, to moments that felt tender and fleeting and while it was nice and hard to complain about it didn’t feel like him and it was starting to really concern me. I didn’t know how to address it because it wasn’t like there was anything actually wrong, he was still emotionally present, still attentive and clearly willing to try like I asked him but something was off I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

“If your father finds out he really will make good on pulling his tuition check for next year.”

My dad had finally gotten tired of me ignoring his calls and had ambushed me at the apartment last weekend. I had tried to explain the situation with the car, tried to make him understand about Gabe and his threats but none of it did any good. All my dad was concerned about was how things looked for him and mom the requisite threat about tuition had been lobbied about but it held no weight with me. I told him if he pulled my tuition I would gladly get a job as a striper to pay my way through med school and he hadn’t liked it one bit. I knew the threat would only keep him off my case for a brief minute but for now that was all I needed if he wasn’t going to take my back against what was going on with Gabe.

I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him but I don’t think Rule pushing him around had really sent him to ground. Ayden mentioned she had heard some girls in one of her classes talking about me and from the sounds of it his new mission was to trash my reputation on campus with a series of foul lies and outrageous stories. Luckily I was pretty immune to hearing awful stuff about myself from growing up in such a judgmental and hatful household or else I would have been freaking out even more and contemplating changing schools to just get away from it all.

“Yeah he would, good thing that’s not something he ever has any opportunity to see.”

Cora opened the door with a little metal tray in her hand that looked sterilized and smelled like hospital grade antiseptic.

“You ready?”

I swung my legs up and around so I was lying back in the chair and tried to control my rapid breathing.

“As I’ll ever be.”

“I’m fast so it’ll be over quick. Just remember you have to keep them clean so for the first three to four weeks don’t play with or let you know who play with them even though he should know the rules by now.”

I laughed as she told me to strip out of my tight V-neck Henley and bra. I shivered involuntarily at being so exposed but Cora was reassuring and even though I knew she wasn’t really into it Ayden held my hand and watched what was happening with rapt attention.

“First I gotta mark you to make sure they’re even and straight on both sides.” It was weird to have someone even though that someone was a friend handle my body in such a way. The tip of the marker was cold and it made me shiver but not nearly as much when she put the metal clamp on the first light pink tip. Her two toned eyes stared into mine and I felt my nails dig into Ayden’s palm. “Okay babe take a really deep breath and when I tell you let it out slow and even. You’re going to feel a lot of pressure from the needle pressing through and then the jewelry being put in place just keep your eyes on me and keep breathing.”

I did what she said and after the initial pain that admittedly had a couple of surprised tears welling in my eyes it was just more uncomfortable than painful. She repeated the process on the other side and just like that it was over and I was pierced. She asked me if I wanted a mirror. I took it and admired her handy work.

I had pretty nice breasts already, they weren’t huge or anything outrageous but they were firm and high and my nipples were always a nice, pretty pink. The silver hoops were similar to the ones in Rule’s eyebrow and the one in his lip but the ball at the center of mine was a bright aquamarine globe. They were sexy and feminine and I freaking loved the way it looked. I took the aftercare instructions and climbed back into my clothes. I felt the little piece of me that had been flailing over the last weeks lock back down and I smiled at Cora and gave her a hug.

“I love it.”

“You should. It’s over the top hot.”

Ayden nodded as she pulled on her coat. “I didn’t think it would suit you but I was wrong they look really girly and sexy. I can see now why you wanted to get it done.”

Cora lifted her super blond eyebrows as I shoved money into her hands. “I know you said you would do it for free but I want to pay you.”

She shook her head and tried to hand it back but I refused to take it. “I would like to consider us friends now and I don’t take advantage of friends so please just take it.”

She frowned at me and moved around to pick up all her equipment. “If you wanted a tattoo and Rule or Nash offered to do it for free would you let them?”

“Rule yes, Nash no.”

She sighed in defeat then. “Well fine then. Let me know what lover boy thinks, not that I think he’ll be able to hide his shit eating grin. I swear his mood entirely revolves around how the two of you are going at it.”

I pulled my long hair out of the collar of my coat and tried not to wince as the movement caused my new addition to move uncomfortably against my bra. “So how’s he been lately?” I was curious but I also really wanted to know.