Hank parked across the street from my duplex and we all walked up to the house. Everyone stared at Tex, for, even without the night vision goggles, he was a sight to see.

Then Marianne’s attention focused on me.

“Well?” Marianne asked.

“Well, what?” I retorted.

Marianne threw up her hands. “Does Lee have the bow off your panties?”

Grr.

Tod and Stevie came up, saving me from having to answer.

“Kitty Sue told us you were kidnapped last night,” Stevie noted with concern.

“Again,” Tod put in.

Before I could say anything, Kitty Sue called from her chair, “Why didn’t you tell me Tod was performing tonight? You know I like to see Burgundy do her thang.”

“What’s this about panties?” Tex broke in.

“Do you think we could turn the hose on the kids? It’s so hot and they’d love it,” Andrea shouted from across the lawn, struggling to get a pair of shorts on the streaker.

“Oh, by the way,” Kitty Sue said, getting up from the butterfly chair, “we’ve decided to go out for pizza before Tod’s show, all of us. Won’t that be fun?”

Everyone was staring at me and I was at a momentary loss. Okay, it wasn’t as if I’d lived an uneventful life. My life was pretty active and kind of exciting but all of it had been controlled. This was out of hand.

Ally, as she had many a time, saved my bacon.

“Marianne, it’s none of your business so quit asking and go get yourself laid, for God’s sake. Hank, get the hose and turn it on those monsters before they tear up the yard. Tex, go upstairs and lay down for awhile. Mom, help me make everyone a sandwich.” Then she shoved forward, taking our shopping bags, opened my house with her key and went in.

“I love your sister,” I said to Hank.

He threw his arm around my shoulders, pulled me into his body and gave me a sideways hug.

Tod and Stevie had gone back to yard work and I felt the guilt pull. Their side of the lawn was lush, green and manicured, the edges that butted our brick walkways were cut precisely. Colorful flowers grew healthy along the front, black wrought iron fence, down the wooden fence at the side and in the beds in front of their porch. They had a basket on the porch overhang that happily dripped fuchsias and terracotta pots on each step of the stoop trailing ivy and bursting with flowers.

My side of the lawn was also mowed and had clean and cut borders but only because Stevie did it. I’d planted flowers in my flower beds but they were being choked by weeds, had not been watered in days, looked dry and close to death. The fuchsia basket that Tod bought me to balance the look of the duplex was bedraggled and only in slightly better shape than the flower beds because it didn’t have weeds attacking it.

Their side looked like Martha Stewart. My side looked like Sanford and Son.

I needed to help with the yard work. It was my neighborly duty.

I went into the house and up to my bedroom. I was running out of clothes at Lee’s place so I dumped the contents of my ever-ready, rarely-used workout bag and shoved items in just in case my stay there lasted longer. I took off my clothes, slathered myself with factor 8, put on a pair of cutoff jeans shorts and a kelly green camisole with a shelf bra. I gathered my hair in a messy knot on top of my head, grabbed my phone and called Lee.

“Yeah?” he answered.

“How’s it going?”

“Not good.”

He didn’t sound happy.

Yikes.

“If you get finished in time, we’re going out for pizza before Tod’s show tonight.”

“Who’s ‘we’?”

“Your Mom says ‘all of us’ so I’m guessing that means Marianne Meyer, Andrea Moran and her kids, probably Ally and Hank, likely Dad and Malcolm and select players from the Colorado Rockies,” I paused, “oh, and Tex.”

“Marianne Meyer and Andrea Moran?”

“They’re on a Lee and Indy Sex Watch.”

“Come again?”

“They want to know when we’ve done it.”

Silence.

I went on. “If we don’t do it soon, they might force us to at gunpoint.”

“Christ.”

“I know. No pressure though. I told them we’re taking it slow.”

“You have to report in?”

“I kind of feel obliged.”

“How’s that?”

I didn’t want to tell him I’d recruited them both for Lee Maneuvers in the past, so I said, “Never mind.”

“If something doesn’t happen soon, it’s gonna be bad. I can’t keep focused, all I can think of is what’s on your Victoria’s Secret credit statement.”

“You need to keep focused,” I told him, “bad guys are after me.”

“Tell me about it.”

He hung up and I went into the other bedroom. Tex was lying on the couch, a sandwich on a plate and an open bag of chips both balanced on his sling, my remote in his hand, the TV on and a ball game was blaring.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Peachy,” he flipped through channels, acting for all the world as if he was a regular houseguest.

I got a sandwich from Ally and Kitty Sue, ate it standing up and then went outside. Hank was alternately hosing down Andrea’s monsters and watering my fuchsia and lawn. I hunkered down to weed my front flower bed, got into it about three feet and decided to take a break.

I laid down on my back in the grass and fell into an impromptu Disco Nap. What could I say? Yard work did that to me.

Something soft trailed down my temple and across my cheek. I opened my eyes and saw Lee crouched beside me, blocking the sun.

“I don’t like yard work,” I told him.

“My condo doesn’t have a yard,” he replied.

Hmm.

I sat up. He grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet. Someone (probably Kitty Sue and Marianne) had weeded the side and front beds, the one I was working on was still only half done. The yard was quiet. I took in a happy breath at the sweet bliss of aloneness.

“Don’t get too excited, we have an audience watching us from three different windows,” Lee told me.

Lee was close, looking down into my face, forcing me to tilt my head to look up at him. He always looked handsome but now I could see the tiredness around his eyes and mouth. It occurred to me he’d been at this for days, non-stop. I’d been lucky enough to squeeze in a couple of Disco Naps.