unbelievably clueless.”

I straightened in my chair. “That’s not nice.”

“This is good,” he said.

“What’s good?”

“Us.”

I did a head jerk.

He was right. It was good. That was the point.

I stood up. “I think I should go.”

I started to walk to the bedroom, rethinking stealing his shirt. He was a little harder to break up with than Oscar, or Luis and Luis had asked me to marry him. At that juncture, I didn’t think Eddie would appreciate me stealing his clothes.

I got about three steps before my arm was grabbed and Eddie swung me around.

I started talking immediately, I didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

“I’m going to go, I’l cal Lottie, she can pick me up.”

“You’re not goin’ anywhere, we’re gonna talk this shit out.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“You f**kin’ better believe there is.”

“Eddie, please. Don’t.”

“Chiquita, you’re a pain in the ass, but you aren’t boring, you aren’t normal and you aren’t average. That’s the point. It would be cute that you don’t realize how f**kin’ pretty you are, except you get yourself kissed and end up with your head in other guy’s laps. You bein’ shy is sweet, but the attitude is better…”

“The attitude was al about Slick and Vince and now that they’re gone…”

“The attitude was latent, Slick and Vince and likely Indy and Al y brought it out.”

“Real y, I don’t think…”

His arms came around me and he pul ed me, hard, up against his body and his head tilted down to mine as I looked up.

“Eddie…”

“You aren’t breakin’ up with me and you aren’t leavin’.

We’re gonna finish our toast and coffee and then I’m takin’

you into the bedroom and f**kin’ you so hard that idiot brain of yours won’t think of anything but me movin’ inside you. Then after that, we’re gonna have a normal, average day doing some normal, average shit before some other crisis blows us back into pandemonium.”

“There won’t be another crisis,” I said.

“There’s always another crisis.”

“Eddie, let me go.”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

I started panicking. It was a delayed reaction panic but I’d final y realized that this was not going well .

At al .

“Eddie, let me go! ” I (kind of) shouted.

His arms tightened and he shook me a bit. “It’s not gonna happen!” he shouted back.

Okay, I was ful -on panic at that point.

“You have to let me go!”

Definitely a shout.

“Why?”

“You just have to.”

Another shake.

“Why?”

I felt tears burn in my throat.

No, this was seriously not going well .

“Jet, talk to me.”

I shook my head and tried to pul away.

He brought me even closer.

“Eddie, let me go!”

“You like me, you don’t want to, but you do and this is total bul shit.”

“I don’t like you!” I yel ed.

“You f**king well do!” he yel ed back.

I gave a vicious yank and the tears burning my throat started to burn my eyes, I couldn’t swal ow them down and they started flowing.

He caught me again and brought me back.

“Do I have to prove it to you?” His voice was back to quiet and it was far more scary then him shouting.

“I don’t like you.”

Another shake.

I pul ed away again but stood in front of him and shouted,

“I don’t like you! I love you. I’ve loved you since the minute I saw you. God!” I looked to the ceiling and swiped a hand across my face to wipe away the tears, “You’re a good guy, I could tel right off. You’re nice to your friends and they love you. You’re handsome and you stepped up for me, going al out to keep me safe and…and…” I faltered and then ral ied,

“you have a fancy truck!”

For a second he looked shocked, then the warmth came into his eyes and he reached out to me.

I whirled, total y panicked, beyond freaked out, straight to temporary insanity.

What was I thinking, blurting out that I loved him?

Total y temporary insanity.

I started to run but he caught me, swung me around again and walked me back until I was pressed against the wal , his body against mine.

“No!” I screamed, “We can’t have sex against the wal again, I have to go.”

“We’re not havin’ sex against the wal .”

I looked at him and shouldn’t have. The warmth was there but he was also amused, he thought this was funny.

This was anything but funny.

“I have to go.”

“You aren’t goin’ anywhere.”

“Eddie…”

“Chiquita, calm down.”

I shook my head. Calm was not an option, my heart was beating so hard I thought I could hear it even though I couldn’t hear anything but the blood rushing to my ears.

“Why are you scared?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“Why do you want to break up with me?”

I shook my head again but answered.

And I answered honestly. “It isn’t going to work. I know it.

I’d rather have it end now, when it’l hurt but I don’t want it to end later, when it’l tear me apart.”

I was struggling against him to get away but he pressed deeper and I could smel him and I stopped. I had to hold on to my reserves, I couldn’t burn out too fast, I had to keep enough energy to find a way to walk out of there.

“Why isn’t it going to work?” he asked.

“It never works.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It just doesn’t. You can love someone a lot and treat them nice and do everything for them and then they just go. It happens. I saw it happen to my Mom and I don’t want it to happen to me. She came undone, it was like watching her unravel. And she was strong, is strong, and it destroyed her.”

I was talking to his throat, it was the only way to get it out.