The muscles in his jaw twitch, almost smiling. “I’ll believe you when I see it.”
I squint. “Then why’d you tell me to say it?”
He leans forward, his lips so close to mine. His palms set on either side of my body, forcing me to fall back a little. I hesitate to kiss him. He’s testing me, I think. “Because I love those words.”
My lips part. Kiss me, I plead. “I’m yours,” I breathe.
His eyes drop to mine, watching me, drawing out the moment. The spot between my legs aches for him. I want the pressure of his body—to rock against me, to fill me, to say my name over and over.
Kiss me. “I’m yours,” I choke, wide-eyed in utter suspense.
And then he sucks on the bottom of my lip, he teasingly bites it and then sinks his pelvis into mine. I buck my h*ps to meet him and he lets me.
Lo grips the hem of his shirt and tugs it off his head, tossing it aside. Before I run my palms over his taught chest and newly sharpened abs, he laces his fingers with mine. Simultaneously, he puts his knee on the mattress and pulls me higher onto the bed, my head finding the pillow.
He climbs on and keeps my hands trapped in his. Then he stretches my arms high above me, our knuckles knocking into the headboard.
His body hovers over me, no longer melded together. I squirm beneath the space I dearly hate, my heart thudding and raging to be even closer. “Lo…” I can’t take it anymore. My back arches a little as I try to meet his body again, and he tilts his head, disapproving.
So I stay still. I try to let him take control since I need to go slow. His lips lower but linger from touching mine. He keeps that distance as he unbuttons my jeans, relinquishing the hold on my hand. He uses his other to guide my palm to his zipper. Yes. It takes only seconds before I have him unzipped and unbuttoned, tugging his jeans off with familiarity. I wiggle out of mine and he lifts the shirt off my head, in nothing but a black lacy bra and panty set. I did know he was coming home today, after all.
He soaks in the curvature of my body with headiness, and he begins to remove his last article of clothing. “Eyes on me,” he says huskily.
They are permanently fixed to the bulge in his boxer-briefs. “They are,” I mumble. Technically this is a part of him.
“My eyes, love, not my cock,” he says, a smile behind the words.
I raise my gaze as he slips off his boxer-briefs. Watching the way he looks at me nearly sends me into a tailspin. I swallow and can’t help but catch a glimpse. Oh God, I need him now. He’s hard and as wanting as I am, but yet, he has restraint.
I do not.
He could easily take advantage of my eagerness, most guys would. But in order to help me, he has to control my impatience and my compulsion to go again. And again. Because my addiction isn’t entirely a one-way street the way his is. I need his body in order to satisfy these unhealthy desires.
So he must say no at some point. I just don’t want it to be soon.
He leans forward again, and his lips begin their descent from my neck to my belly button, sucking, nibbling—teasing. My hands grip his back while I hold a moan deep in my throat.
He kisses my hipbone and gently slips off my panties, the cold air nipping the most sensitive places. I expect his lips to warm the spot, but he eases off me and unclips my bra, sliding the straps off my shoulders so, so slowly. The light touch taunts my nerves and my sanity. His tongue runs between my br**sts and then dips back into my mouth. And that’s when his arms scoop around me and lift me up in a tight embrace, my br**sts melding into his muscles, my limbs nearly tangled in his. My legs wrap around his waist, and I ache to lower onto his cock. But he keeps his arms locked around my chest, forcing me above his lap.
“Sit on your legs,” he tells me.
He lightly kisses me and tears away while I try to go in for another stronger one. “Sit on your legs, Lil. Or I’ll do it for you.”
That sounds better. He sees the glimmer in my eyes, and he picks up my right leg and bends my knee so my heel is underneath my butt. As he goes for the left, his hand skims up my thigh and to the crease of my ass. Holy…
Okay, I’m sitting on my heels now, trying not to come before he enters me. What if my therapist wrote that I can only cli**x once? Besides that sounding like torture, I hope to have sex with Lo today. I will not ruin that by going crazy with foreplay.
I’m still sitting straight up, and his body has not drifted from mine. His heart pounds against my chest, and he cups my face in his hand.
“Breathe,” he tells me. “Just remember to breathe.”
And then with measured unhurriedness, he gradually rests my back onto my comforter and slowly begins to slip inside of me. The position allows for such deep entry that I cry out and grab onto his shoulder for support.
His forehead rests near mine, and he raises my chin, kissing me forcefully, just how I like it, before he begins to rock agonizingly slow. Each movement mimics our heavy breaths. My parted lips brush his as he digs deeper. I whimper, my toes already curling, my head already flying off my body.
His hand massages my breast, but his eyes never once leave mine. Hot tears seep from the creases, the intensity and emotion driving me to a peak so high that every time I breathe in, he breathes out, as though keeping me alive for this moment. I melt into his slow movement, the way he disappears inside of me, and the pace that causes my body to light on fire.
His forehead presses to mine, and I breathe in every breath that he exhales. I lose track of where his limbs start and where mine end.
“Don’t stop…” I cry. “…Lo…” I tremble, and his arms slip around my back again, holding me tighter.
He speeds up a little, and I feel the top of the hill. I see us climbing together.
And then he thrusts and holds inside of me. I buck and cry and claw at his back. My whole body pulsing, my heart thrumming—I am his.
I collapse back onto the bed, too exhausted to lift an arm or a leg. He takes care of me, bending my knees and stretching my legs out from the last position. He rests his hands on my kneecaps, and leans forward to kiss me again. I taste the salt from our sweat, and I raise my hand to grab the back of his hair, my eagerness suddenly replacing the tiredness from our emotional sex. But he laces his fingers into mine, stopping me.
I frown. “No?” Only once?
He shakes his head and then kisses my temple. “I love you,” he whispers, his breath tickling my ear.
“I love you too,” I tell him. But I do want to wrap my legs tightly around him, giving him no choice but to harden and take me again. He scrutinizes me closely, and he must see my impatience for round two.
His eyes narrow. “Not now.”
I bite my lip. “Are you going to tell me what’s in the envelope?” What did my therapist restrict? The answer is killing me right now.
“Nope,” he says. “You’ll just want it even more if you know it’s forbidden.”
I squint at him. “You’re getting too smart.”
He grins. “When it comes to you, I am.” He kisses the outside of my lips. I love and hate when he does that. “Just so you know,” he whispers, “I’d love nothing more than to fill you again. I’d do it a million times a day if I could.”
“I know,” I murmur.
He brushes my sweaty hair off my face.
And I inhale a deep breath. “I’m just glad you’re home.” I have Lo back. That’s all that should matter right now. Not a round two or a three, but just him present, on the road to being healthy, and in love with me. That’s all I should need.
I can’t wait to reach that place. I just hope it’s attainable.
He relaxes next to me, and I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat while he runs his hand through my hair. This is nice.
I almost drift to sleep, but the chime of a cellphone snaps my eyes open. “Whose is it?”
He reaches over onto my nightstand. “Mine.” He flips the cell in his palm, and I crane my neck over his shoulder and see a text box.
I know your girlfriend’s secret. – Unknown
I shoot up, fear snapping me cold. Did I read that wrong? I snatch the phone out of his hand, and he grabs it back.
“Lil, calm down,” he says, trying to shield the screen from me as he types a reply.
“Who is that?” I’ve been so careful. I’ve never told anyone I had a sex addiction other than Lo, and now Rose, Connor, and Ryke. Did they let my secret slip to someone else?
I bite my fingernail, and Lo clasps my hand while texting with the other. His eyes flicker to me, narrowing in disapproval.
When the ping sounds again, I basically climb on top of Lo so he can’t hide the message. I read quickly.
Who the f**k are you? – Lo
Someone you hate. – Unknown. Okay, that does not narrow anything down. Lo’s enemies from prep school and college are numerous and vast. It happened when he retaliated against all the people who thought they could bully him into submission.
Lo tries to push me off, but I have my arm wrapped around his neck, close to choking him, so he lets me be. We’re still nak*d, but I’m too frantic to be aroused.
Fuck off – Lo
“That’s your response?” I say, wide-eyed. “You’re egging the person on.”
“If you don’t like it, then you shouldn’t be reading my personal texts or spidering me like a koala bear.”
And lose out on all the money the tabloids will pay me when I tell them Lily Calloway is a sex addict? …Never – Unknown
I blink. Reread the text. And gawk. No.
“Lil,” Lo says, shutting off his phone. “It’s okay. That’s not going to happen. Look at me.” He holds my face in his hands, forcing my eyes to his. “That’s not going to happen. I won’t let it. I’ll hire someone to go find this a**hole. I’ll pay him off more than he’ll get from the tabloids.”
He’s forgetting something. “You’re broke,” I say. His father took away his trust fund because he dropped out of college. Lo hasn’t spoken to him since he left for rehab. He’s alone and poor and all my money is tied up with my family. And they don’t know about my addiction either. I’d rather not tell them. Ever.
His features darken, remembering. “I’ll think of something else then.”
The shame that my family will feel if they find out—the hurt and disappointment—I can’t bear to even think about it. A female sex addict? A slut. A male sex addict? A hero. How much will I tarnish my father’s company with the news? Sure, not a lot of people outside of our social circle know my name or who I am, but could this make tabloid news? Why wouldn’t it? Lily Calloway: daughter of the founder of Fizzle, a sex addict and a whore.
It’s juicy enough to satiate gossip columnists everywhere.
“Lo,” I say as tears threaten to fall. “I’m scared.”
He hugs me, drawing me close. “Everything is going to be okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
I hold onto his words and repeat them over and over, hoping that will truly be enough.