Once I tell Adam the stipulations, he quickly offers to go with me to Raleigh for my birthday. “That’s perfect because the birthday present I want to give you is in Raleigh.”

I don’t bother asking what he’s getting me because I know he’ll only refuse to tell me, but I’m more than a little apprehensive about turning twenty-one now.

I twist around on the barstool so I’m facing him and I can see the insecurity in his eyes—the look that’s been there since we left his uncle’s house yesterday. He’s wondering if I’m judging him because of what happened to his friend Myles four years ago.

“I’m sorry about what happened to your friend. And I’m sorry you’ve had to live with that for four years. But most of all, I’m sorry that I can’t share my secret with you the way you’ve shared yours with me.” He shakes his head and opens his mouth to say something, but I press a shaky finger to his lips. “But I want you to know that I do love you. And it scares the hell out of me to feel this way about someone I’ve known all of three weeks.”

He grabs my hand and moves my finger away from his lips. “It doesn’t have to make sense; it only has to make you happy. Are you happy?”

I grab the front of his T-shirt and pull him closer so my knees are hugging his hips. “I’m happier than a pig in mud.”

He smiles as he grabs the sides of my waist. “You’ve been spending too much time with Cora?”

I gaze into his eyes willing him to hear my thoughts. He stares back at me, a bit confused at first by my intense gaze, but then he sees it. He crushes his lips against mine and opens his mouth slowly. The pressure and heat of his lips sends a wave of chills coursing through me and I wrap my arms and legs around him, pulling him closer.

His hands slide under my shirt to undo my bra as he kisses my neck. As soon as the snap breaks loose, I peel off my shirt and bra and toss them onto the carpet. I lean my back against the cool tile of the breakfast bar and he takes my nipple into his mouth as he rolls my other nipple between his fingertips. I tighten my legs around his waist as the moisture builds between my thighs. He slides his hands under my butt and lifts me off the barstool. I kiss him greedily as he carries me to the bedroom.

He sits me down on the edge of the bed and stands so he can peel his shirt off as I undo the button and zipper on his cargo shorts. His erection is a massive bulge under his boxer briefs. I want to unwrap it, but I’m a bit frightened by the size of that bulge. He must see the apprehension in my face because he chooses to leave his briefs on for the time being as he kneels before me.

“Stand up,” he demands.

He slowly removes my shorts and panties as he plants a soft kiss on each of my hips. He presses his lips to my stomach just underneath my belly button and my nipples instantly stiffen. Taking my hand in his, he lays a soft kiss on my knuckles as he looks up at me.

“Sit down,” he murmurs, and I quickly obey. As soon as I’m seated on the edge of the bed, he spreads my legs and kisses the inside of my knee. “I love you, Claire. I want to make you happier than you’ve ever been.”

He lays a trail of kisses over the inside of both my thighs before he rests my legs on top of his shoulders and goes straight for my aching clit.

“Oh, Adam,” I moan.

He kisses and licks me slowly, taking his time, savoring every inch of me as I arch my back. He thrusts two fingers inside me and massages me to the same rhythm of his tongue. My arms begin to weaken from leaning back on my hands. I lower myself down to my elbows as his tongue swirls around my clit and my hips buck against his fingers.

“I’m gonna come,” I whimper. “Don’t stop.”

The orgasm rolls through me like the sizzle of a fuse being lit followed by an intense explosion of pleasure. He grips my thighs tightly, not pulling his mouth away until my body stops convulsing. He lets my legs slide off his shoulders as his chest glides over me. He kisses me hard and I can taste the coffee we drank this morning and myself. His tongue thrusts in and out of my mouth and I grab his perfect ass to pull him down on top of me.

“Please,” I whisper into his mouth as I reach down and slide my hand inside his briefs.

“Oh, fuck,” he whispers as I get a firm grip on the base of his cock and slide my hand down to feel the length of it.

I pull my hand out and scoot up the bed to sit on my knees as I point at the pillow. “Lay down.”

He smiles as he slides his briefs off and I finally glimpse his full erection as he lies before me, his body glistening with sweat. My heart thumps against my chest as I realize I haven’t done this in so long and I’ve only done it with Chris. I don’t even know if I’m any good at it, but I know I want to do it. That has to count for something.

I slide his legs apart and position myself cross-legged between his legs as if I’m about to meditate. I wrap my fingers around the head then slide my hand down to stretch the skin taut. God, it looks perfect. I lean over and lick around the ridge, tasting his slight saltiness. He groans and I lick my lips before I wrap them around the head. I swirl my tongue over the tip before I take him further into my mouth. I close my eyes and hum softly as he hits the back of my throat.

He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth as his fingers slide over my head and grip a handful of hair. “Oh, baby.”

I slide him out slowly and kiss the tip before I take him into my mouth again and bob my head; slowly at first then I pick up speed. I use my other hand to massage his pulsating sac. He’s panting and moaning and I’m drunk on the power of having this effect on him. I don’t want to stop, but I soon feel his sac contracting in my hand. His hips thrust gently, his fingers tugging my hair, as he lets go in my mouth.

He’s softening as I slide him out and swipe my thumb across the corner of my mouth. My body is shaking with adrenaline as he sits up and takes my face in his hands. He kisses me hungrily as I climb onto his lap. He pulls his head back and rests his forehead against mine, his chest heaving as he lets out a low chuckle.

“You are so sexy. How did I get so lucky?”

“You stalked the crap out of me.”

He laughs as he reaches over the side of the bed and picks his shorts up off the floor. He digs through his pocket and pulls out his wallet. I look on impatiently as he tosses the condom wrapper and the wallet onto the floor and slides the condom on.

He slides his finger into my folds and massages my clit as he kisses my neck. “You drive me so fuckin’ crazy,” he breathes into my ear as he takes my earlobe between his teeth and a shock of pleasure pulsates between my legs. “Come for me, baby.”

I grind my hips as he caresses me, arching my back and he takes my nipple into his mouth, sucking and tugging at the sensitive flesh. I lose myself again and the cry that’s been building in my throat releases as I collapse in his arms. He flips me gently onto my back and positions himself between my legs. He sinks down onto his elbows so our noses are touching then slowly guides himself into me, not giving me any time to recover. I gasp and he stops.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes, yes. Don’t stop.”

It’s painful, but definitely worth it as he slides farther into me until he hits my core. I let out an involuntary whimper and he swallows it as he kisses me tenderly, dipping in and out of me. His chest rubs against mine, sending sparks through my sensitive nipples, and I moan into his mouth. He pierces me steadily as he gently stretches me.

“I love you so much,” he murmurs as he looks into my eyes.

“I love you, too.” I hold his gaze and rock my hips in rhythm with his thrusts.

He kisses me again, hungrier this time as I rake my nails softly over his back. His arms begin to shake as he reaches climax. He lingers inside me as he kisses me, drawing out the moment. Finally, he pulls away and plants a kiss on my lips and another on my nose before he rolls off me.

I stare at the ceiling in a daze. I did it. And it was amazing. This must mean I’m over him. I don’t even want to think his name. I don’t want to think about what I did to him. I turn my head and Adam looks exhausted, but he’s still smiling and beckoning me to curl up next to him.

This is me turning the page on another chapter.

Chapter Fifteen

Relentless Secrets

TWO WEEKS TICK BY LIKE seconds on a clock, and before we know it it’s the Thursday night before my birthday. Adam and I have spent the past twelve days checking in on Cora; taking group surf lessons with other beginners on Shell Island; and carefully avoiding the subject of why I dropped out of school and what those house plans on his drafting table are for. We’ve exchanged house keys, but we still haven’t exchanged secrets. It should serve as some sort of warning that there are still some things we haven’t shared with each other, but I try not to let it bother me and I assume he’s doing the same.

Adam sits on his sofa and I sit next to him with my handful of Red Vines. “Jamie called me last night to apologize for kicking us out of her room. It only took her, like, four weeks.”

“Did you guys talk about it?” I ask as I take a bite of my licorice and hand him one.

He waves away the candy. “Yeah. It was nice. We used to have long talks all the time when her and Myles were together. Nothing was the same after he died.”

I lay my cheek against his soft T-shirt and inhale the fresh laundry fragrance combined with his warm man scent.

“Are you sniffing me again?”

“I can’t help it. You smell so delicious.”

He points the remote at the TV and the channel changes multiple times until he settles on MTV.

“I can guarantee you I taste better than I smell,” he says and I smack his chest. “Just making it known in case you get any ideas.”

I lean my head back and he looks down at me with that hungry look I’ve come to know so well. The look that can make me do things I would never do.

I clasp my hands around the back of his neck and pull his face toward me. As our lips touch, the host on MTV announces, “And now, the highly anticipated world premiere video from Chris Knight’s debut album Relentless. Here is SLEEPYHEAD!”

“Come here,” he growls as his hands slide over my ass and pulls me up so I’m straddling him.

I press my hands against his chest and push off. I can feel him underneath me, but I can’t see him and I realize it’s because my eyes are closed as the memory slams into me.

Chris’s lips smell and taste like the berry Capri-Sun he was just sipping and I can’t shake the feeling that we’re too young to be alone in my room. But it feels so right as his fingers lightly graze my ribs sending chills through every part of my body. I’m eighteen today. Eighteen is a perfectly fine age to lose your virginity; especially if it’s with the boyfriend you’ve been with for more than two years, who also happens to be the most amazing, patient boyfriend a girl could ask for.

His hand slides farther up and I flinch when his fingers hit the wire of my bra. “I love you,” he whispers, and somehow this has the opposite effect.

I push him off and he sighs as he lies back. “I’m sorry,” I mutter. “I’m just scared that it’s going to hurt and then I’ll feel different about you. I don’t want to feel like you’ve hurt me.”

He turns onto his side and kisses my cheek. He slips his hand under my T-shirt and traces circles around my bellybutton as he says, “I could never hurt you. You’re my Claire-bear. But I can’t fucking lie. I want to be inside you so bad…. I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.” He plants a soft kiss on my belly and I shiver. “But I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

I stroke his hair out of his face and whisper, “I love you.”

He kisses my temple before he springs up off the bed, leaving me feeling a little used up. “I’ll be right back, babe.”