Author: Cassia Leo

He laughs so hard he has a coughing fit. Senia and Eddie turn around to see what the fuss is about and I wave at them to let them know everything’s okay.

“You thought I was a stripper?”

“That was Senia’s suggestion.”

“Tell her I said thank you. What was your suggestion?”

“It’s not important.”

“Aw, come on.” He steps in front of me and busts out the puppy dog eyes as he walks backward. “Please. I’ll give you a free lap dance.”

I push him hard in the chest and he grabs my wrist. His other arm hooks around my waist and he yanks me flush against him.

“What you think of me is very important,” he says in a harsh whisper that frightens and thrills me all at once. He leans in closer and smiles against my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me.

My heart thumps against my chest as I smile, waiting for him to kiss me because I know he’s waiting for me to give in. He lets go of my wrist and his fingertips brush my jaw as he plants a soft kiss on the corner of my lips.

He pulls away and squints at me as if he’s trying to figure me out. “You’re going to be my downfall.”

He grabs my hand and we pick up our pace to catch up with Senia and Eddie.

“I suggested that you might be a stalker,” I admit, and from the corner of my eye I glimpse him shaking his head.

“You’re testing my patience, Claire.”

“I’m just being honest. You’ve known more about me than I’ve known about you from the second we met. I’m sitting in my apartment wondering why the fuck I only see you on weekends while you’re pumping Cora for information on me. You do realize that’s not fair.”

“All Cora told me about you was that you moved into the building in May and you don’t go to school. That doesn’t make me a stalker.” He chuckles when he says stalker. “Have you ever considered that you might be a bit easier to read than you think you are?”

I shake my head as we cross the street toward the hookah lounge. “You think you have me figured out because you sent me the right kind of flowers and you guessed that I dropped out of school? Well, let me tell you something, Adam, you know the Claire Nixon that moved here three months ago. And I’m starting to think that’s all you’ll ever know.”

When we arrive at the hookah lounge, he opens the door for us to go inside, but he refuses to look at me. We sit at a booth with a low table in front of us and Adam immediately snatches the menu off the table. Senia cocks an eyebrow at me as she begins to sense the tension between Adam and me as I scoot closer to her and farther from him. I shake my head so she doesn’t mention it and she rolls her eyes.

“Cranberry juice shisha? What a fuckin’ joke,” Adam says as he tosses the menu onto the table and reaches into his pocket. “I’ve got something that doesn’t sound like a fucking drink mixer.”

He tucks his hand behind his back as the waitress comes by and asks for our order and what kind of pipe we’d like to smoke out of. I don’t say a word because I won’t be smoking any of it. Adam orders a water pipe and points at the first flavor on the menu: Kiwi. As the waitress leaves, his eyes follow her ass for a few seconds before he turns back to us.

“Don’t they have water in this place?” I ask, suddenly parched.

“We’ll get you some water, babe,” Senia assures me as Adam glances around the lounge as if we don’t exist.

Eddie looks at Senia questioningly and she whispers something in his ear. His eyes widen a little as if he understands, but he never looks at Adam or me.

I never really had friends until Chris got me to open up. Chris was my best friend until I met Senia so it kills me to see her whispering secrets to Eddie. A small part of me is jealous that she has something to share with him that she can’t share with me, but I know the whispering probably has more to do with Adam’s presence than mine.

“Claire, can you please join me in the girls’ room?” Senia asks sweetly.

Eddie stands up so Senia and I can slide out of the booth. I move quickly toward the restroom sign I see in the corner near the entrance, eager to get away from Adam and his shitty attitude. I should have never asked him to come out on a Friday.

As soon as we enter the restroom, Senia rounds on me. “What the fuck is up with you two?”

“I don’t know. One minute we’re joking about him being a stripper, the next minute he’s kissing me, then the next second I’m ‘testing his patience’. He’s got multiple personalities.”

Senia rolls her eyes. “Woman, he doesn’t have multiple personalities. He’s in love.”

“What? That’s stupid.”

The restroom door opens and Senia shakes her head as she scoots out of the way for three girls to enter. “It’s not stupid. I’m sorry, Claire, but you were spoiled by Chris. He was too patient with you because he knew that was what you needed. But the problem is now you don’t know how most guys behave when they’re in love.”

“He’s not in love. We’ve known each other for two weeks.”

“It doesn’t matter. The guy is either in love or jonesin’ for your hoo-hah. Just do me a favor and trust me when I say you need, need, need to let yourself experience this. Even if it’s just a fling. He’s the kind of guy who can help you put that other shit behind you.”

“Or bring it all to the surface and cause a mental breakdown. I haven’t told you about our little bet, have I?”

“What bet?”

A girl wearing way too much eyeliner smiles at me as she exits the restroom, as if she knows what bet I’m referring to.

Once she’s gone I sigh. “He bet me that he could get me to tell him why I dropped out. If he wins, I have to go back to school.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa…. You agreed to this?”

“I know. It’s so stupid.”

“No, it’s not. It’s brilliant!”

The restroom door opens again and this time it’s a guy who’s actually kind of hot but obviously stoned. His eyes widen when he sees us and he quickly apologizes as he closes the door.

“It’s not brilliant. I’ve been out of school too long and you know I can’t go back to Raleigh.”

Just saying the name aloud makes my body tense. Everything and everybody I’ve ever known is in Raleigh. Every memory of my mother and Chris are there. Of course, the person I’ve been trying to avoid more than anyone is there: Jackie Knight. If Jackie knew what I did after Chris left, she would hate me more than she probably already does since I disappeared. She might even hate me more than I hate myself.

“You can go back, and you should, but that’s a whole other two-hour argument we can rehash later.” Senia grabs my arms and stares at me, her eyes pleading. “For now, just go out there and try to have some fun. Please.”

I wriggle out of her grasp and shrug as I reach for the door handle and yank it open. “I can have fun without being a fucking doormat.”

I storm out of the restroom and back to our booth. When I get there, I find Adam and Eddie laughing about something as Adam passes the hookah pipe across the table. The smell of the pot is hardly noticeable through the thick cloud of sweetly scented tobacco smoke. When Adam sees me he immediately stands so I can scoot in on his side. Maybe Eddie had a talk with him, as well.

He smiles as I slide in. He sits down and immediately leans over to whisper in my ear. “You look beautiful tonight. I forgot to tell you that earlier.”

I can smell the smoke on his breath, but the sensation of his lips against my ear is enough to almost make me forget why I was mad at him. I turn my face toward him so our noses are touching and his gaze slides down to my lips.

“I don’t think you’re a stalker,” I whisper. “I think… I wish you were around more often.”

It makes my chest ache with anxiety just to say these words aloud. I don’t want to open myself up to him like this, but Senia is right. I need this, whether it’s a fling or something more. I don’t want to end up a brittle old broad or, worse, a terrified shut-in like my mom.

He smiles before he plants a soft kiss on my lips and I put my hand on top of his thigh to steady myself. He pulls away and kisses my forehead. “I’ll take you out with me next time I go to the beach.”

I nod, too afraid that if I speak something even cornier may come out. I glance at Senia next to me and she’s pretending not to notice this exchange between Adam and me. One thing I can say about Senia is that she is great at being discreet when it’s necessary.

Senia and I refuse to smoke both the tobacco and the weed, but I soon start to feel as if my brain is becoming as foggy as this room. Adam’s laughter begins to sound a bit distant, like canned laughter in a sitcom. I blink furiously, as if this will wake me up, and Adam looks at me funny.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I feel like I’m in a movie. You look like a movie star.” I reach out and touch his face. “You have facial hair and it feels so scratchy. I’m thirsty.” I reach for the glass of water in front of me, but it’s empty. “I’m so thirsty.”

“Aw, shit. You have a contact high. I think it’s time to get you home.” He stands up and nods toward the exit. “Come on. You need some fresh air.”

Senia and Eddie stay behind while Adam walks me home. The cool night air feels like heaven on my skin, but the sidewalk looks like a treadmill belt. I’m getting nowhere. By the time I arrive at my apartment, I’m feeling more clearheaded, though I have no memory of how we got there.

“Is Eddie staying over?” Adam asks as I dig inside my purse for my keys.

I laugh way harder at this than I should. “You want me to spend the night again.”

He shakes his head. “Just trying to save you from having to listen to Senia and Eddie doing all the things we should be doing.”

“I can’t see anything in this purse. It’s too dark.” Finally, I shove my purse into his chest and he grins. “All right, Adam, you want to have sex with me? You think you can handle this?” I giggle uncontrollably because I know I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t stop. “Bring it.”

He grabs my hand and pulls me toward the stairs. “Oh, it’s already been broughten.”

I laugh as I climb the stairs behind him. “I love that you always get my movie references. You’re so funny… and hot.”

He chuckles as he climbs the last few stairs and reaches into his pocket for his keys. “I need to get you stoned more often.”

Chapter Eleven

Relentless Guilt

I OPEN MY EYES AND stare at the oscillating fan next to the bed. Even with the fan pointed straight at me, I’m still sweating and I quickly understand why. Adam’s chest is pressed against my back and I’m wearing nothing but a bra and panties. I have a vague memory of tearing off my tank top and shorts, but I can’t remember much else.

His arm is wrapped around my waist and his breath is hot against the back of my head. Our bodies are sticky everywhere our skin is touching. It’s unbearably hot and humid in here. On the bright side, he’s not suffering from morning wood syndrome.

I need to get out of here. I have a bad feeling we had forgettable sex and I don’t want to admit that I can’t remember it. I slowly attempt to scoot forward to peel my back off his chest and he grunts as he tightens his arm around my waist.

“Go back to sleep,” he groans, and now that I know he’s awake I let out the breath I’ve been holding.

“What time is it? I work at three.”

“It’s still morning. Go back to sleep.”

“I can’t. It’s too hot in here.”

“Then take these off,” he says, hooking his thumb into the waistband of my panties. “I’d be happy to help you with that.”