She tried again and again to direct his attention to that baby, but when all else failed, she'd gone to her grandfather. Yaz was incensed. He loaded his rifle and headed for the boy's home to confront the whole family at gunpoint. There was no tribe like Clay's father and uncles with a lawyer and leather binder, just her infuriated grandfather.

But the boy had run. And Yaz had pulled her away from the only home she'd ever known before she had a chance to even hear whether he came back around.

She lost the baby and for a few months she grieved. For a few more she fantasized that he'd returned to the reservation to reclaim her. For still longer she dreamed that he was searching for her. It took such a long time for her to face the truth; he didn't love her, but had used her and had no concern about her once he was done with her.

This thing with Clay, she thought it was so different. But it felt so familiar!

When she reached her grandfather's feed store, she jumped out of the truck. Her grandfather wasn't expecting her back today, except to pick up her car before heading home. She grabbed her purse from the truck and headed for her Jeep. She saw one of her grandfather's employees and yelled, "Hey, Manny! When you go back inside, tell my grandpa I'm done for the day, will you?"

"Not riding today, Lilly?" he shouted back.

"I was going to, but something..." Something ripped my heart out! "Something came up!" She had barely made it to the driver's door of her Jeep when a big truck pulled into the feed store lot and blocked her departure.

She had been hurt before, but as she watched Clay jump out of his truck and stride toward her, her anger flared. She tried to make herself taller by straightening her spine and lifting her chin.

"Lilly, you have to let me explain," Clay said.

"I can't wait," she said, shaking her head. "I can't imagine there's anything about what I heard that could be explainable."

"She's my ex-wife, Lilly, and her horse was hurt. She didn't realize that so much had changed since I left L.A."

"That's basically what she said when I met her," Lilly said, crossing her arms over her chest. "That the divorce was a technicality, that she came up here to spend a few days with you...if I knew what she meant."

"You met her?" he asked, clearly stunned. "When--"

"When I delivered feed. I was going to take Blue out, and there she was, waiting for you. Oh, let me be clear--she said she was waiting for her husband! She told me she arrived yesterday, that the two of you spent some time together!"

"A half hour, tops," he said, stepping toward her. "She might have had the idea she was going to be with me, but I told her to park her trailer on the back pasture road and I left the clinic to be with you. Isabel is used to getting what she wants. Now she'll have to get used to something else. I don't have a relationship with her anymore, Lilly."

"No?" Lilly asked. "If it's nothing then why didn't you say anything about her arrival last night?" She shook her head as tears sprang to her eyes. "You told her you'll love her forever, Clay. What do you take me for?"

She turned toward her Jeep, but he grabbed her arm and turned her back. "We have had a complicated relationship and what you heard isn't what you think."

She shook his hand off her arm and put both hands on her hips. "I think I heard you tell her you'd always love her. And that doesn't sound complicated. That sounds very direct and to the point. It also sounds like exactly what you told me a few days ago."

Manny had been standing on the loading dock and two more men who worked in the feed store joined him there, all three watching Lilly and Clay.

"Not as a husband or lover, but as a friend who will care about her and be there for her when I can. Lilly, let me follow you home. Let me tell you about my relationship with Isabel and why I'd say something like that. Let me explain how that doesn't threaten what we have...."

She put up her hand. She gave her head a shake. "She didn't look like the kind of woman who needed a friend. She's beautiful and rich. I'm sure she has plenty of friends. There might be a real shortage of hot Native men with thick black hair down to their butts, however." And a working man's callused hands that are still soft and sweet on a woman's skin. "She seemed very sure that she'd find what she wanted here. Why don't you hurry on back to the clinic so you can continue the conversation?"

"I sent her home, Lilly. What you heard--it was a complete misunderstanding. We have to talk!"

"I don't have to do anything," she said in a fierce whisper. She glanced at the loading dock and saw that now Yaz had joined the men watching them. "And nothing is exactly what I intend to do. And I'm doing it alone. If you're half as smart as you seem, you'll give me space."

"You don't want an explanation," he accused. "You want to be angry."

"Oh, you're wrong! I don't want to be angry or hurt or disillusioned, so I'll do this for you--while you leave me alone, I'll think very, very hard about whether I want to take a chance on a man whose ex-wife thinks their divorce is merely technical! I'll let you know what I decide."

"She deliberately misled you, Lilly. She's a spoiled, self-centered woman."

Lilly turned and took a step toward him. "Look into my eyes, Clay," she said softly. "Did she deliberately mislead me into believing that there was still a relationship after your divorce? Or is that true?"

"Isabel assumed too much. Part of the reason I moved here was to be sure that was ended for good. And when I met you--"

It was like a sucker punch to the gut, and Lilly winced. It was true. It hadn't been a couple of years; he'd barely left his wife. Yet he hadn't told her that. She turned away from him again.

"Don't do this, Lilly. Don't walk away like this."

She opened the door to her Jeep. "Move your truck or I swear to God, I'll ram it!"

There was a part of her that wished he'd hold fast and refuse to move his truck, even though ramming it would have been beyond ridiculous. First of all, his truck was far bigger than her little vehicle and the bumper was huge; only Lilly would sustain damage and probably injury. And second, it would prevent her escape, and she needed to get away from him. She drove away from the feed store as though hornets were after her.

She could see him following her in the rearview mirror. If he dared follow her home, he'd live to regret it! She watched him closely as they came to the intersection where she would normally go right and he would go left. She held her breath as she made her turn. And as she watched him go the other way, she sucked in her breath in a jagged gasp. Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God!

This can't have happened to me again, was all she could think. I've been in love exactly twice in my entire life and both times I'm betrayed? Left in pain? This can't have happened to me twice!

There was no possible way she could eat; her head began to pound and she knew it was from the effort she put into not shedding a tear over him. But she bolted both the front and back door so he couldn't enter, put on her opera CDs, shut her eyes and tried to drive the image of him making love to her from her mind. She barely slept.

The next day she called her grandfather and excused herself from work on account of the flu.

"Lilly, I saw--"

"You don't know what you saw, Grandpa, and I don't feel like trying to explain it until I've had a chance to think it through. Please. Give me a little time and space."

"If he's wronged you, I will--"

"I know how far you'd be willing to go to avenge me, Grandpa. But this time I'm going to take care of myself. I'll check in later."

Then she called Annie. "I'm afraid I can't help you with lessons the rest of the week, Annie--I'm under the weather."

"Lilly, we all know something's wrong," Annie said. "You're not here, Clay is miserable, Gabe is upset, and everything is upside down. Won't you tell me?"

"Will Clay tell you?"

"He won't say anything and I'm worried."

"No need to worry, Annie. Just please excuse me from my commitment the next few days. I'm sure I'll be fine soon. I'll give you a call."

She stayed home from the feed store for a couple of days. Clay waited almost twenty-four hours before he started calling her cell. Despite her desire to ignore him, she listened to his voice mails--he left several. Lilly, I have things to explain to you, but you have to give me a chance. Lilly, maybe I was wrong not to tell you more about Isabel, but honestly I didn't want her in our lives. Please forgive me. Give me a chance. And her favorite, Lilly, you're giving up on us too soon--we only need to talk to make this right.

She just wasn't going to do it, wasn't going to trust him again only to find out he was lying. She didn't take his calls or return them.

On the second evening after their confrontation, Clay came knocking at her door. She crept to the door and told him to go away, but he persisted.

"Please, just talk to me. Fifteen minutes, that's all I ask, just fifteen minutes. You have to understand about Isabel--she looks like she has everything, but she doesn't have any of the important things, Lilly. She's insecure and in so many ways she's childlike."

Hmm, Lilly thought. I wonder how childlike her bank account is. Or how childlike she is in bed. "Go away. I'm not letting you in. I don't want to talk to you!"

"Lilly, you mean so much to me and I know you care about me, too. Let's work this out. Let's hear each other out, clear the air. I'll try to explain. I just need you to try to understand.... We'll start over. We can't let this thing we have end so soon. Not now, not when we're just getting started."

She had to admit this was a vast improvement over the boy who said, "Baby? Well it can't be mine!"

But having him bang at her door threw her and she lost her mind. She wanted him to know she meant business, that she wouldn't be a naive little girl both he and Isabel could manipulate! So after she called the Fortuna police, she went into her bedroom and closed the door. She heard him pounding on the door, but his voice, which tempted her and angered her at the same time, was blissfully muffled.

And she thought, What have I done? What if they take him to jail? If anything could bring a final end to their relationship, calling the police on him would surely be it!

Clay had been knocking and talking for about twenty minutes when the squad car pulled up in front of Lilly's house. A cop equal to Clay in size got out, sauntered up to him and asked, "Sir? Did the lady ask you to leave?"

"I haven't done anything wrong," Clay said.

"You're creating a disturbance and it looks like you might be harassing her. How about you either leave or we go to the station and talk about this?"

"Damn," he said.

"Buddy, you gotta leave the girl alone. She's not into you, all right?"

"Yeah," he said, hanging his head. "Am I free to just go?"

"I'd like you to go. By the way, in case there's any confusion, Mr. Tahoma, I ran your plate and the young lady told the dispatcher where you work, so let's not give the woman any more trouble. We on the same page here?"

"Same page," he said over his shoulder as he headed for his truck.

And inside, Lilly lay on her bed and, for the first time since their dreadful confrontation, she cried.

Fifteen

When the phone rang in the office of the Jensen Clinic, Nathaniel picked it up, even though his assistant was in the same room working on the computer.

"Dr. Jensen," he answered. "I'll see if he's available, Isabel. Hold the line, please." He punched the hold button, turned to Clay and said, "It's Isabel. For you."

Clay nodded and reached for the phone.

"Clay," Nate said. "I can step out."

Clay thought about this for just a second, then nodded and said, "Thank you." He waited for Nate to leave the small office before he connected with the call. "Hello, Isabel."

"Well, hello," she said. "I hope you've simmered down a little."

"What's on your mind?"

She laughed lightly. "I'd have to be blind, deaf and stupid not to see that I really pissed you off. I've never seen you so angry, certainly not with me, certainly not from some offhand remark about an Indian girl! We had talked about this stuff before and you said the term was not offensive to you. I called to make amends."

"Forgiven," he said.

"But Clay, I'm still not sure what I did, what I said," she argued.

"I said, forgiven. Let's move on, please."

"Not until I understand," she begged.

"I told you there was a woman and you treated her with disrespect. It wasn't what you said so much as the way you said it, laughing at her, as though she's nothing. Some little Indian girl. Shame on you, Isabel. I expect that cruel side from Frederik, but not from you."

"Ah. So an apology won't quite get it with you. Clay, you know I'm not savvy with these Native American issues, the vernacular. Come on, give me a break here. We were together a long time and we talked about this stuff a lot, but I didn't grow up in the Native community and--"

"It isn't about the Native community, Isabel. It's about mocking another human being."

"And she heard you say you'd always love me, she's angry, and you're upset. How can I help that?"

"Somehow you knew who she was before I even arrived at the clinic," Clay said. "You made sure she was aware that our relationship didn't exactly end with our divorce. Was that to taunt her? To anger her enough so that you'd get what you want out of me? Ah, never mind--what goes on between Lilly and me isn't your concern, so just drop it. Is there anything else you need from me?"