I didn’t know until that very moment that degrees of hate existed. But yes, I hated him most of all.

“Like I said, he was kind of the leader. Or at least that’s how it seemed to me. And he had the biggest…”

God, did I really want to go there?

“Biggest what?”

I gulped. I was all in at this point. No more holding back. “He had the biggest dick. It hurt the worst when he went first.”

Dr. Carmichael sat, unmoving, her lips thinning slightly. “I know this is very hard for you to talk about, Talon. So if you need to stop, just tell me. I don’t have a session after yours, so we can keep going if you’d like.”

What the hell? The orchard could wait. Axel was a good man. He’d take care of everything. “I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep going, Doc, but I can try.”

“I understand. Just tell me if you need to stop.”

“All right.”

Dr. Carmichael cleared her throat. “Tell me about the other two.”

I closed my eyes, swallowing. “They were never as real to me as the tattoo man was. In fact, I began to think of him as Tattoo and one of the others as Low Voice. Not that his voice was abnormally low or anything. It probably wasn’t even as low as mine is now. Maybe he just talked louder, but at that time, when I was ten, it seemed to me like he had a low voice.”

“I see. And the third?”

“The third one was kind of in the background a lot. He was the one who always brought me food and changed the bucket where I did my business.”

“Are you saying he didn’t participate?”

“Oh, no. He participated. He just seemed like more of a follower than the other two, you know what I mean?”

“How did you feel about the fact that he brought you food?”

How did I feel? I had no idea where she was going. “What, you mean I was supposed to have some kind of affection for him because he fed me?”

She shook her head. “Of course not. But he is the one who fed you.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled. “He fed me slop, Doc. It wasn’t fit for pigs most of the time. But I was starving, so I ate it.”

“I see.”

But did she really see? She kept a noncommittal look on her face the entire time. I couldn’t read her at all. Not that I was any good at reading people.

“I’m sorry you—”

I stood abruptly. “His toe.”

“What do you mean?”

“I remembered something recently about the third guy, the one who brought my food. He’s missing his little toe on his left foot.”

“Really? So we have one guy with a phoenix tattoo on— Which forearm?”

“The left.” I sat back down and rubbed my temples.

“Okay. So he has a phoenix tattoo on his left forearm and he has brown eyes. And one of the others has a low voice, at least as you remember it, and the third is missing his little toe on his left foot, correct?”

I nodded.

“Talon, have you ever thought of trying to catch these men and bring them to justice?”

“My brothers have mentioned it from time to time. But Doc, I don’t ever want to see them again. I wouldn’t recognize them if they walked by me on the street anyway. They were always wearing masks. And honestly, if we did catch them. I’d just as soon dole out my own kind of justice.”

“I certainly understand that feeling. But you do know that doling out your own kind of justice would land you in prison for life.”

“Of course I know that. I’m not an idiot.”

“I didn’t mean to imply that you were. But I do know that sometimes the need for revenge can overwhelm a person.”

“It doesn’t really matter anyway. We’ll never catch the guys. If they had any sense, they’d be long gone by now.”

“Yes, they probably are.”

“My older brother, Joe, he’d like to hire somebody to try to find them. I’ve always told him no.”

“Why?”

“Because I just don’t want to open it all up again.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing now?”

“Yes, but this is for me to heal, isn’t it?”

“You’re exactly right. You need to heal whether those men are caught or not. And I guess that’s my point.”

I sighed. “I don’t think there’s a chance in hell we’d ever be able to find them, Doc. They worked this area twenty-five years ago, abducted seven of us, and I was the only one to make it out alive.”

“Are you positive the same men took the other children?”

Was I? I had just always assumed. “There’s no way to know for sure, except for one.”

“Your friend. The boy named Luke.”

I nodded.

“You said he was never found.”

“He wasn’t. But I was the last one to see him.”

“Did you see him alive?”

“No.” I shook my head, my heart stampeding. “He was already dead.”

“Talon, there’s something I want you to understand.”

“What’s that?”

“None of this is your fault.”

“I know that.” But did I really? All those horrid days, when no one came for me, I’d sat there on that stupid raggedy blanket in that stupid gray cellar thinking I was worthless. No other reason existed for no one to come for me. “I mean, I think I know that.”

She nodded. “What you mean is that you know that objectively. That as an adult, you know it was just chance that you were taken, and it could have easily been any other little boy in the area. You didn’t deserve what happened to you any more than any of those other children did. Of course you know that. But the horror still lives inside you, and it has affected your life up until now.”

That was the goddamned truth for sure.

“So even though you know it and can take a step back and look at the situation objectively and say to yourself, ‘this wasn’t my fault,’ it still lives inside you and affects the way you view yourself.”

“I guess that’s where you come in, Doc.”

She smiled, and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “It may not be easy, but I promise you, I will not stop until we get you where we need you to be.”