“You look a lot like him,” Dr. Carmichael said. “About the same height, same build. He has a little more silver in his hair, and his nose is straighter.”

“Yeah, you know the bullies broke my nose.”

“And you have a younger brother?”

“Yep. Ryan. He’s known as the most handsome and as having the best personality of the Steel brothers.”

“More handsome than the two of you?” She lifted her eyebrows.

I laughed. “Yeah. And I thought we were getting off this subject.”

She shook her head as if to clear it. “Of course. I’m sorry. Let’s get back to you with Jade. So she wants you to take your relationship public, but you don’t want to. Why does she want to?”

“Well, this cop, who I thought was a friend of mine, asked her out.”

“So he’s no longer your friend?”

“He asked my woman out.”

“Talon, he had no idea she was your woman. That’s probably why she wants to make the relationship public.”

Of course. I knew that. “Why is this so hard for me?”

“Only you can answer that.”

“But you’re the shrink.”

She smiled. Always amazed me how she didn’t mind being called a shrink. “I think you’ve answered it yourself. You feel like she won’t love you anymore when she finds out everything you’ve been through.”

“Yeah, but it’s more than that though.”

“What’s that?”

“There are times, Doc, when I want to kill those three bastards. I dream about it.”

“I know you do.”

“And when I went overseas, I thought that killing enemies would take care of that desire for blood. But it didn’t. Those were empty kills. I did it for my country, and I don’t regret it, but it didn’t kill the demons inside me like I hoped it would.”

“No, because those weren’t the people who created those demons.”

“They were demonic on their own. Trying to kill me and my men.”

“I understand that, but try as you might, you can’t make them represent something that they don’t represent.”

“What if I can never control those rages inside me? What if I can never spend the night with Jade? What if I can never control the dreams I have and I wake up with my hands around her neck again?”

“We’ve already gone through this. I don’t think you will.”

“I wish I were as sure as you are.”

“You will be sure one day, and it probably will be sooner than you think.”

“I hope so.”

“In the meantime, Talon, don’t you think it’s okay to make your relationship public?”

“What if she doesn’t stay with me after she finds out everything?”

“First of all, I think she probably loves you enough to stay with you through thick and thin. But let’s look at the worst-case scenario. What if she doesn’t? What if something happens and she breaks off the relationship? What does that have to do with now? You could make the relationship public now, and if the relationship ends, you simply make public the fact that it ended. This isn’t rocket science, you know.”

“It makes a lot more sense when you say it.” Still, I couldn’t bear the thought of anything ending between Jade and me.

“Look, I do understand where you’re coming from. I really do. But you’ve come quite a ways already. Yes, there is more work to do, and we will do it, but if your relationship with Jade gives you happiness, gives you pleasure, why not shout it to the world?”

“Again, it makes perfect sense when you say it.”

“You don’t have to decide right now. Just think about it. Talk to Jade about it. Let her know your concerns.”

“She may not understand.”

“True, she may not. But there’s just as good of a chance that she will.”

“What am I going to do about the tattoo?”

“I think you have to be honest with her. You’re not going to be able to forbid her to get a tattoo. She’s an independent woman, and if she wants a tattoo, she should be able to have one. But if you tell her why that particular tattoo is a problem for you, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“We’ve been through all that before. It’s both a problem and not a problem.”

“True. But for you to see the exact tattoo that one of your attackers had on the woman you love is probably not the best thing in the world. I do understand that, Talon, and I know she will too.”

“I hope so, Doc.”

 

I got home in time to find Marj whipping up a roast pork loin with cumin and lime. I inhaled the smoky aroma. “Smells good.” I leaned down and gave Roger a pet.

“Call it therapy,” Marj said. “I sent Felicia home. I needed some good old-fashioned kitchen therapy.”

“Look, Marj—”

“Don’t. I feel horrible about what happened to you, Talon. I can’t stop thinking about it. And I know you kept it from me to protect me.” She sighed. “Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss.”

“Are you sorry we told you?”

She shook her head. “Of course not. I needed to understand, and now so many things make so much more sense.” She paused for a moment. “You have to tell Jade.”

I shook my head. “I’m not ready to do that.”

“Do you love her? I mean truly love her? As in the forever kind of love?”

I let out a sigh. “Marj, you have to understand something. I want to answer that with a resounding ‘yes.’ I really do. But I have no frame of reference. I’ve never had a relationship before.”

“Talon—”

“Thirty-five fucking years old, and I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman in my life. And now I meet the most wonderful woman in the world.”

“You got that right. Jade’s the best.”

“So the truth is, I just don’t know if this is the forever kind of love.”

“Does it feel like a forever kind of love to you?”

“Yes,” I said honestly. “But like I said, I don’t have a frame—”

“Stop right there. If that’s what it feels like to you, that’s what it is. And if you want this to last with her, you’re going to have to come clean with her. She can help you. She won’t judge you. Believe me, she’s helped me through some hard times in my life.”