“The curse is that it happened to you. Remembering it will help you get through it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Let’s get back to the phoenix. That was the only thing you remembered about your captors. Why do you think that is?”

I had only just begun to solve the riddle of the phoenix. All those years had passed. I had named my horse Phoenix, for fuck’s sake. I’d had a poster of a phoenix on the wall of my room. Yet the phoenix represented hell to me. “The phoenix was the one constant in everything, Doc. The one thing I remembered about the guy. When they were…attacking me, I wasn’t allowed to scream, or I got beaten. I wasn’t allowed to throw up, or I got beaten. Basically all I was allowed to do was take it like a man, as they liked to say. So I had to find something to focus on, and I focused on that phoenix on his forearm.”

“So in a way, the phoenix became a haven for you.”

“I don’t know if I’d say that exactly.”

“Why wouldn’t you say that?”

“Because the phoenix represented the one who was the hardest on me, the one who was the meanest, the leader of the three. It was on his body.”

“Yet it provided an escape.”

“Maybe. It did give me something to focus on. And then, here’s the weird thing. Five years later, when I turned fifteen, my dad got me this awesome horse. Black as midnight and sleek as suede. I named him Phoenix.”

Dr. Carmichael twisted a strand of blond hair. “Really? Why Phoenix?”

“Honestly? I never really thought about it until recently. It just seemed like the name fit.”

“It may well have fit. But there’s another reason you named your horse after an image you detested. And it’s because you didn’t detest it. Not entirely.”

“No, I did.”

“I’m not denying that. Part of you did detest it. It represented hell to you. But it was also your escape. And what better name for a beautiful black horse that could run like the wind, on whose back you could ride and escape?”

Wow. Epiphany. She was right. Deep in the marrow of my bones, I knew she was right, even though… “I just don’t understand it.”

“In time, you will. Trust me. It makes perfect sense.”

“But when I was alone, at night in the dark, the walls seemed to close in on me. Sometimes they talked. I know it was in my mind, but it seemed so real at the time. And sometimes it wasn’t just the walls. It was the phoenix who would talk to me, taunt me.”

“That was the phoenix that represented hell. But the name you gave your horse was the phoenix that represented your escape.”

“I do understand what you’re saying, Doc. It really does make sense. But I don’t understand how it can make sense. How can one image have two opposite meanings for me?”

“Because it had two opposite meanings for you at the time. It’s a fairly common thing.”

I gripped my jaw. “If you say so.”

“It makes perfect sense, Talon. It makes perfect sense that you would name your horse—upon whom you probably rode fast and long and did a lot of escaping—after the one thing that allowed you some escape during your time in captivity, even if that thing also meant the opposite to you.”

“I’d prefer it to have no meaning at all for me.”

“I’d prefer that no one had to go through any kind of sorrow or mental illness in life. Of course, that would mean I’m out of business.” She smiled.

I gave her a half smile back. “Touché.”

“So you said Jade was going to get a tattoo, and it happened to be the same image.”

“Yeah. Luckily, she only got the regular ink transfer done, and I told her no way was she going to get a tattoo.”

“How did she react to that?”

“Not good. But that was the least of my concerns at the time. I tracked down the tattoo artist who did the original tattoo. But it’s been twenty-five years, so he couldn’t remember who he had done it on. He did say it was his original design though.”

“But it’s possible that someone else had done the same design or something similar.”

“Yes, it’s possible. But this was done in Snow Creek. And I was abducted in Snow Creek.”

“I see. So you talked to the guy who did the tattoo.”

“Yeah. Like I said, he couldn’t remember. Said he’d been stoned most of those years.”

“Did he keep records?”

“I have no idea. I asked him to check. He’s supposed to get back to me. I’ll lean on him a little.”

“Well, that’s a lead. Have you changed your mind about catching these guys? You seem to go back and forth.”

I let out a sigh. “I honestly don’t know, Doc. I’d love to see them pay for what they did to me. And as I’ve told you, I’ve had more than one fantasy about doling out my own idea of justice.” I held up my hand. “Yes, yes, I know. I won’t do it. I spent enough of my life in captivity. I don’t want to spend the rest of it in prison.”

“Good idea.”

“My brothers really want me to try to find them. They’d like to see them locked up too.”

“I would too,” Dr. Carmichael said.

“I suppose I could put a few high-paid PIs on the job. God knows I have the money.”

“Why don’t you?”

Good question. Why didn’t I? Better question. Why hadn’t I? “You need to understand. It’s only recently that I actually decided I could dredge this up and deal with it.”

“I do understand. But now that we’re working through it, maybe it’s time to hire those PIs.”

She was right. “Maybe it is time.”

“Our time’s about up for today, Talon,” Dr. Carmichael said.

I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and looked at it. I had turned off the ringer during my session. I had a text from Jade.

I need to see you. I’m coming over after work.

Chapter Nine

Jade

I hadn’t gotten a text back from Talon, but I drove out to the ranch anyway. I had tried to let Steve Dugan down easily. I’d told him I had just had a major breakup a few months ago and I wasn’t ready to go out yet. I had desperately wanted to tell him I was seeing someone else, but Talon and I hadn’t made our relationship public, and I wasn’t sure how he felt about doing so. I figured we’d better talk about it.