Somehow, I paid the bills Mom wanted paid but I barely remember going through the motions. I barely remember speaking to May or saying hello to people I’d known my whole life.

And I barely remembered getting on the bus or sitting on it for fifty minutes. But there I was, standing outside the entrance to the Donovan County Cemetery. The only way I knew how to describe what I was feeling—it was like someone had picked me up and shook me around so hard, my insides were all jangling.

Palms slick, I curled them into fists and pushed myself to stride through the entrance. I hadn’t visited in a year. Ever since I knew for definite that I was going to be stuck in Donovan.

After a five-minute walk, I found her.

In loving memory of

Melanie Dewitte

1993 - 2005

A beloved daughter, sister, and friend

Forever in our hearts.

Like always, tears stung my eyes and nose. Glad there was no one else around in this part of the cemetery I walked over to her grave and sat down beside the black headstone.

“Hey, Mel …” My voice was watery, croaky. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while.”

There was silence, and then a gentle gust of wind blew a decapitated rose across Mel’s grave. I laughed. Roses were my favorite flowers. Mel knew that. “I’ll take that as an angry hello. And I deserve it. I’m sorry.” I smoothed a hand down her headstone and laid my cheek against it, letting my tears fall. With Melanie, I could be honest about my feelings. “I just didn’t want to disappoint you. You should see the way Stacey looks at me. God, your sister thinks I’m a loser. And I feel like a loser. I know, I know, you don’t think I am. But I’ve let you down, Mel. I promised you I’d get out of here, that I’d find a stage somewhere and have this amazing life. Not just for me but for you. I promised you I’d make it extraordinary, that I’d do it for both of us.” I shuddered trying to control myself. “It was all taken from you. Everything. But I’m still here … and I’m working in a goddamn fast-food restaurant, taking abuse from my dad.”

That gentle wind tickled through my hair comfortingly, and as with the rose, I liked to think it really was my best friend. I closed my eyes, wishing I could hear her voice, but somehow over the years, her voice had disappeared from my memory. I could still see her face, picture her laughing, but as hard as I tried, and God, I tried, I couldn’t hear her anymore.

“I miss you,” I whispered. “I miss someone knowing me. Really knowing me. Better than they know themselves. I don’t have that anymore, Mel … And I know it’s selfish to sit here and say that to you, but like always, you’re the only one I can talk to.” I swiped at my cheeks and sniffled. After a moment of silence, I confessed, “I met someone. A boy. He’s from Scotland.” I grinned, knowing how much Melanie would have loved that. “I think he might be a little crazy because he says he loves me and he’s only known me a few weeks. In fact, he doesn’t even really know me.” I frowned, searching for my feelings. “I missed him so much while he was gone that I think I must love him. But it’s a gamble, right? A huge risk. He wants me to marry him.” I laughed. “I know, I know, you’d tell me I was crazy. You think I’m nuts for even thinking about getting married at eighteen. We always said we’d never be that kind of girl, that we’d make our dreams come true first before we thought about falling in love.

“But he wants me to go to Scotland with him. Scotland. I’ve never been farther than Indianapolis.”

For a while, I sat in silence, digging for the courage to say to her what I could never say out loud to anyone else. “If I stay here, I don’t get that amazing life I promised you I would have for the both of us. If I do the crazy thing and marry a guy I don’t even really know, I at least get the chance to get out of here. To find what we always wanted. But that means risking so much. Giving up my family—and as crappy as they can be, they’re still my family, and they need me. And it’s a risk. If Jim is who I think he is, that’s great because I love having him in my life. But what if he’s not? What if he turns out to be something completely different, something worse than what I already have?

“I’m like the most selfish person ever for even considering this, right?”

I closed my eyes and trailed my hand down the side of her headstone. “But if I say no … I’m afraid of who I’ll become here, Mel. I feel like I’m drowning. And nobody cares. Nobody but Jim. And I love him for it. Surely that counts for something? Surely that counts for everything?”

A gust of wind abruptly blew over me, and the jangling in my body stopped momentarily.

“Yeah.” I gave a wobbly smile. “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

“Dad, time for bed.”

Like always, my dad had nodded off in front of the TV, and my voice startled him awake. He frowned at me but nodded, and like always, I walked behind his wheelchair as we made our way into my parents’ bedroom.

Mom hadn’t come home from her shift at the diner. She’d called me to tell me she was working overtime at Al’s. I’d cried when I got off the phone with her because as much as we weren’t close, I’d wanted to see her one last time. I’d have to make do with writing her a letter. It was an explanation. It was an apology. And it was an appeal for forgiveness.

Dad helped me get him into bed, and he shifted on his side, giving me his back.

“Dad.”

He grunted.

“Dad.”

“What?” he huffed.

Before I could stop them, tears welled inside of me and spilled down my cheeks. I struggled to speak, to say the words without him hearing the tears in them. I licked at the salt on my lips and exhaled. “You know I love you, right?”

In the dim glow of the hallway light, I saw him tense.

And then he relaxed ever so slowly. He didn’t turn to me. He stared at the wall. And then in a tone that broke my heart, one filled with regret and grief, he whispered, “I love you too, baby girl.”

My body shook with the effort not to sob, and I fled the room without saying goodnight. Goodbye.

I grabbed my jacket off the hook in the hall, slipped on my shoes, and checked my backpack again to make sure I had everything I needed. After visiting Mel, I’d come back to Donovan and emptied out my savings and bank account. I left most of it in the envelope with the letter to my mom and dad and placed it on my pillow.

The rest I was taking with me, even though it would probably only last our time in Vegas.

I double-checked I had my passport and quelled nausea that rose inside of me.

Finally, the clock on my cell said it was midnight.

As I slipped out of the house on West Washington Street, I wiped at my tears, not wanting Jim to think I was too torn up about going with him.

I caught sight of the Mustang down the street as Jim climbed out of it. We hurried toward each other, my heart pounding so hard in my chest, I thought it might explode.

And then I was in Jim’s arms and he was holding me tight, suppressing the hard shaking he could feel rattling through me. “Shh,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to my hair. “It’s all going tae be okay now.”

I had to hope Jim was right because we were leaving for Vegas and I was about to bet everything I had on him.

Tucking the polo shirt into my work pants, I looked at myself for barely a second in the mirror to make sure I was neat and tidy. I hated seeing myself in the uniform. With an inward sigh, I clipped my name tag above my left breast. I was just smoothing my hair back in its long ponytail when Jim appeared in the mirror behind me.

He looped his arms around my waist and settled his chin on my shoulder to stare at me in the mirror. His hair was mussed, his cheeks stubbly, and he gave me that cute lopsided grin.

Two years ago, my infatuation for him would’ve made me lean back into him, cover his hands on my belly with my own. Yet something had changed inside of me in the three years we’d been married. Maybe changed wasn’t the right word.

Maybe the word I was looking for was realization.

“I wish ye didn’t have tae go in for another hour. I don’t start until ten this morning. You and I could get a lot done in an hour.” He squeezed me closer and gave me a wicked smile.