I didn’t respond. I couldn’t respond. She was right on two counts. She didn’t understand, and I hadn’t been thinking about anyone but myself. Truth was, I knew in my heart that the guys and Marj would be better off without me.

She continued, “And honestly? I was surprised.”

That got me. “Why should you be surprised?”

“Because most people have a survival instinct. It’s one thing to go in and rescue people when you care about your men, feel a responsibility toward them. It’s quite another altogether to go in with no regard for your own life.”

The survival instinct.

The fucking survival instinct.

The concept was nothing new to me. God, the things I’d said and done to simply survive, to continue to exist in a nightmare. But after two decades of living with the memories of that horror, my survival instinct had been shot to hell.

Since I couldn’t voice any of this, I again said nothing.

“Really? You’re going to sit there and not respond to me?”

“There’s nothing to say, blue eyes.”

She shook her head. “Fine. At least tell me why you didn’t want this to be national news.”

That was easy. “I didn’t want anyone making a fuss over me about what a selfless act it had been when I knew damned well it wasn’t selfless. It was fucking selfish.”

She slid her hand onto mine. “Talon, whatever your intentions were, the end result was the same, and all those servicemen and their families are beyond grateful.”

Her touch both soothed and agitated me. So much she didn’t understand. “I know. Believe me. I received so many thank-you notes and care packages…” I rolled my eyes.

“And that was a bad thing?”

“Yeah, it was a bad thing, Jade. These people were thanking me, wanting to do things for me, wanting to somehow repay me for saving their loved ones, and all I had been trying to do was get my ass killed.”

“But as I said, the end result was the same. You saved those men.”

“Not all men. One was a woman.”

“You saved someone’s mother maybe. That’s a great thing.”

“She was young. No kids.” I heaved a sigh. “Having the local story was bad enough. People came to the house bearing gifts. Produce from their farms, wine, booze, cakes and cookies, and casseroles. It was never-ending. Jonah and Ryan played hosts, and once Marjorie got back from school, she helped as well. I just wanted to be left alone.”

Damn, if it had made national news, the networks would’ve been after me for interviews, the fucking talk shows… I wouldn’t have been able to take it.

I’d told Jade before, and I’d told my brothers countless times. I was no hero.

Jade stood, still holding onto my hand. “I didn’t know you then, and I don’t know why you were so determined to get yourself killed over there, but let me tell you one thing.”

“What?”

“I, for one, am damned glad you’re alive. I wish I understood why you felt you had to end your life, but I thank God you’re here. With me. Now.” She pulled me out of the chair to my feet and wrapped her arms around me, snuggling her face into my chest. “You smell so good.”

For the second, I echoed her sentiments. I was damned glad I hadn’t died that day. I inhaled the coconut scent of her hair. “So do you, blue eyes.”

She just held me. She didn’t try to kiss me, didn’t grab the bulge in my pants, which was now visible. She just held me close to her.

And damn, it felt good.

It felt fucking good to be held.

I kissed the top of her head, her silky hair tickling my nose. Oh, I wanted her. I wanted to strip her down and shove my cock into her wet heat right this minute. But I also wanted this closeness, this tenderness.

I squeezed her harder, trying to prolong this moment for as long as I could. “I…”

She let out a sigh. “What is it?” she asked.

I wanted to say “I love you.” I wanted to say it so badly. The words ached to spill out of me.

But I couldn’t bring them forward.

Then the strangest thing happened. She pulled away from me and pierced my gaze with her blue one.

“Talon, I love you.”

My knees nearly buckled beneath me. My lips trembled. She must’ve mistaken that for getting ready to speak, because she covered my mouth with two fingers.

“You don’t have to say it back. I know you’re probably not ready. You may never love me. I understand that, and I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not ready for. I know you said you won’t love me. And that’s okay. But I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that you are worth something to me. Not because you saved someone I love. Not because you’re a hero. Not because you’re my best friend’s brother. And not because you’re gorgeous and muscular and physically perfect.” She smiled. “Just because you’re Talon Steel, and I’m really glad I met you and that you’re in my life. And if what I have with you lasts no longer than the next minute, I will still be glad I met you, and I will never regret falling in love with you.”

My eyes stung. Yes, tears threatened. My body was simultaneously numb and coursing with every emotion imaginable. I love you too, Jade. I love you too.

She continued, “And now, I really want to go to your bedroom and make love with you.”

My hard cock thought that was a great idea, but what I really wanted was to savor her, to make this about her, good for her, more than I had the other night. And maybe, just maybe, I would be able to repeat the words she had said to me. Never before had I longed so much to say those words, but I was truly scared. Scared that I wasn’t what she thought I was…and I knew I was not. When she found out about me, she would no longer love me.

I cupped her cheek and stroked it softly with my thumb. “You didn’t need to say all of that, blue eyes. I’ll be happy to make love with you.”

“I didn’t say it for any other reason than I wanted to say it. Although I do think that’s the first time you’ve referred to the act as making love instead of fucking.” She let out a giggle.

“Come with me.” I led her down the hallway to my suite, Roger following along.

I would take her slowly this time, even though my cock was straining.