My defenses melt like butter. “It makes me happy, too.”

“I really fucking miss you. I know you’re so sick of my shit. And I know you probably wish I’d just leave you the fuck alone. I try to, but it never works.”

“No,” I say, cringing at how fast I said it. “That’s not what I want. I’ve never wanted that.”

He takes a deep breath. “You want to tell me what you do want?”

My ovaries scream his name. “No, I don’t.”

“It’s me, isn’t it,” he teases in his wicked, sexy voice.

I laugh, even though I don’t want to. “Ego much?”

“No, it’s not ego. Just wishful thinking.”

A moany sound of frustration comes out of me. It’s totally not fair that he does this to me.

“Fuck, baby if you keep making noises like that I’m gonna lose my mind over here.”

“You’re so bad, you know that?”

“I know. I also know it’s what draws you to me.”

I twirl my hair around my finger nervously—a childhood habit that Lyric has picked up as well. “Really? Is that what it is?”

“It’s part of it.”

“So what draws you to me, then?”

He exhales, and his voice is raspy with smoke when he answers. “Your innocence. How unconditionally caring and loyal you are. And your hot little body.”

“My innocence didn’t last too long once you came along.”

“It’s still there. A little tarnished, maybe.”

“By you.”

He hums on the other end of the line. “Only by me?”

I know what he’s asking, and I’m tempted to lie and let him believe I’ve been with other men. In a way, I want to knock him out of that place in my body he claimed and still owns. I know he likes it and it turns him on—to be the Highlander of my vagina, the only one. But I hate to play games and manipulate people’s emotions, so I tell him the truth.

“Yes, only by you. Happy now?”

“Very.”

“And you?” I really don’t want to know, but it’s human nature to ask questions. Even the ones I truly don’t want the answer to.

“I might’ve fucked a hole in the ground while I was walking around in the desert. I was pretty wasted and having all kinds of messed-up hallucinations.”

I laugh at him. “You’re an ass.”

“It’s true. But other than that, I’ve been having a great time fucking myself.”

“Can you be serious? I was honest with you, Blue. You can just tell me the truth.” Yes, I’m practically begging the man I love to tell me how many women he’s been with since the last time we were together.

“I swear to God I’m telling the truth. You want brutal honesty? I jerk off on one of the pictures you sent me and I come all over your face.”

I’m totally horrified but also strangely turned on. “Oh my God! Isn’t that messy?”

“Not really. I put it in one of those clear plastic sleeves. I bought a case of them so I just throw it out and put your picture in a new one every day.”

“You are so twisted. I can’t even tell if you’re kidding.”

He laughs with me, and it’s so good to hear him happy and joking, even if he’s being an ass. I can’t remember the last time he acted sexy and flirty with me, but I’ve missed this side of him.

“Ya know what, Piper? If you’re the one that’s got a hold on me? Then that’s it. I can go without sex if I have to. Maybe that makes me weird, I dunno. The way I look at it, I’ve always been too much of a fucked-up mess to give you any kind of normalcy, but I can give you my heart and I can give you my body. We’ve had a shit ton of ups and downs, but I’ve always believed that we’re not over. So no, there’s no one else.”

Hugging my comforter tighter to me, I lean my head into the phone and quietly sob. Life and love can be so cruel and beautiful and utterly confusing. This isn’t the love I dreamed of as a little girl. This isn’t the whirlwind romance I swooned over in books. There’s no sparkly ring, no wedding bells, no husband holding our baby in the delivery room. But what we have is a real love. It’s dark, and ugly; raw and passionate. It brings pain and it brings happiness and everything in between. This love—our love—is a love that never dies. It withers in the dark and comes back to life again under bright moments even stronger than it was before.

I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand. “For someone as fucked up as you are, sometimes you’re really kinda perfect, too.”

“I guess I have my rare moments…”

“You do.”

“You’re the only one that’s ever looked past the dirt to see the flowers, Ladybug. That’s why I can’t let you go.”