This was so not a good idea, but I sighed. “That sounds like a good plan.”

Dinner, that is.

My feelings, not a good plan.

One meal wasn’t going to hurt at this point.

I was wrong. One meal hurt, a lot.

It was Keela, and that was the first moment I knew something was off.

Keela was expensive and exclusive. The clientele was wealthy and famous.

I loved Keela. I loved loved it.

It’d been kept for special events, so I’d only been there a few times. And part of that reason was because it was confidential. When you showed up, you called ahead. They waved you in using a few different entryways. We didn’t have paparazzi in Seattle, but there were gossip bloggers who sometimes hung out in the coffee places nearby, just to keep an eye out for who might be going to Keela. I never cared. No one in my family or life was famous. Principal dancers didn’t get a lot of attention in the mainstream media. That suited me.

They had us drive in using a back alley that dipped into a basement garage. That was new.

The greeter met us at the door wearing a professional smile with our menu already in hand. We were also greeted with two glasses of champagne.

“Mr. Monson.” The waiter nodded his head briefly to us.

Nate reached, taking my hand in his.

My pulse kick-started at the contact. I knew I should pull away, but when he laced our fingers, that died down. I couldn’t.

I didn’t want to stop touching him.

I only wanted more.

The inside of Keela was a fairy botanical garden. Trees. Lights. Actual birds. They had a whole fountain and a small river that ran through the restaurant as well. The sounds of trickling water soothed me as if somehow reaffirming the romantic notions I was starting to get regarding Nate.

Nate Monson.

I needed to remember his full name. It gave me a degree of separation.

Nova’s father.

That stung a little bit.

Valerie’s baby daddy.

There was a full knot forming.

Valerie. He had a relationship with Valerie, my half-sister, not me.

I was here because of Valerie.

I was an interloper. I was the outsider.

I almost stumbled when those thoughts hit me at full blast, reminding me that I was only here because of a piece of paper. Valerie gave me Nova, which must’ve been on a whim. It had to be.

I didn’t deserve to be here.

Gah.

I didn’t deserve to even have Nova, to even be in Nova’s life.

No.

I gritted my teeth, a selfish wave riding through me, firming my spine almost literally.

I did deserve to be here. I did deserve to have Nova in my life, and if the only reason was because of Valerie’s whim, then so be it. I was too selfish to step back.

I needed Nova, not the other way around.

Nova would be loved by anyone, possibly everyone, but I needed her. Me.

She was saving me. I wasn’t saving her.

Was that a fair thing to do to a little girl? Use her to save me? Give me purpose?

Dancing had been my purpose, but if I was being honest, dancing had been my escape from Duke. Always had been. It was the one thing he allowed me to keep in my life, and I persevered. I went to the top.

Then Nova came, and the world had meaning for the first time. Dancing had been my path until Nova happened.

“You look like you’re having deep thoughts.”

We’d arrived at our private alcove. We had the corner of the river running around us, trees blocking our view from others in the restaurant, but I could hear the glasses and silverware scraping over the plates. It was slight, but there. The murmur of conversation was almost soothing as well.

I shook my thoughts clear. It wouldn’t change a thing anyway. “I’m fine.”

I gave him a small smile as the waiter held my chair for me.

Water was already on the table for us, and our server disappeared. He’d be bringing bread and wine when he returned. Or she. They usually had a full team taking care of the tables.

“You like Keela?”

Despite my heavy thoughts, I did relax, the feeling that this place always gave me. Or how I remembered it from the few times I’d been here. “I do. I think the last time I was here was the night I danced in Seattle’s Nutcracker. I came here with my father and my agent.” I had to laugh. “My agent dropped me when he found out I was quitting dancing to raise Nova.”

“Then he’s a shitty agent. You can get a better one.”

He sounded so sure, and he was looking at me as if he believed what he said because it was the most sensible thing in the world. I almost had to laugh at that, too.

I realigned the cloth napkin on my lap before raising my face. “That world doesn’t work like that. You get what you get. Sometimes you have to shut up and take what’s dished to you.”