I didn’t know how to explain that it all seemed temporary to me.

I was on shaky ice that looked coated with snow. I knew the foundation under my feet was thin, but someone not walking with me would have no idea. It was a matter of time before it shattered, and I fell through.

“Something’s going to happen, Ric.”

“I know!” Her eyes flared up. She was smiling, not understanding my meaning.

“No.” My tone was flat, and I gave her a look. She saw the warning in me. “I know something bad will happen, and I can’t move forward because I’m just waiting for it.”

She frowned, a dark shadow coming over her face. She straightened back. “Have you talked to Nate about it?”

I shook my head. “I think I’m scared to rattle that cage, too. He might be scared, and then what? Kick me out?” Because he could.

I had to remember that I signed that contract, giving up any fight for Nova.

My throat was starting to burn, and I swallowed, trying to ease it. It only burned even hotter. My chest felt like it was being squished into my body. Something was trying to make my insides cave in on themselves.

“I didn’t get the sense that he scares lightly.”

I glanced over. “What do you mean?”

Nova decided to run out of our corner, but Ricci grabbed her. When she protested and started to squirm out of her hold, Ricci took her hands and began moving them around in a tiny cheer motion. She did it absentmindedly, saying to me, “Your baby daddy hasn’t once wavered. Once he found out about Nova, he was all fight and all fierce the entire time. He didn’t ease up until you moved in. Did you notice that?”

I had. Oh boy, had I. Or my body had but definitely not going there.

So not going there. That’d be bad.

“What about it?”

She kept on, “And the night you moved in, remember how at ease he was? Him, his friend, and his sister? The cops showed up, and nothing happened. They handled it. Normal people would get nervous when the police arrive. Not your guy, not his team. They didn’t bat an eye. I’ve started wondering if you’re the one new to this world, and it’s the one he lives in?”

“What do you mean by that?”

She shrugged, releasing Nova when her attention went back to the ball pit. “I think you should ask Nate what he thinks. Has he said anything to you about what Duke might do next?”

I confessed, “I haven’t been able to bring myself to ask him.”

I’d been too scared he’d realize what he was up against and kick me out.

“Ask him.” She flashed me a smile. “Ask him tonight, with wine. Make sure there’s lots of wine.”

“He gets Nova in the evenings.”

She pffted at that, rolling her eyes. “I have a feeling he’d be just fine if you ‘crashed’ an evening with him and Nova. I think you know that, too.”

But I didn’t.

I didn’t really know anything, except that my father hadn’t once reached out.

And I didn’t know if I was hurt or relieved, or if I should feel any of those emotions?

But maybe she was right. Nate said he’d help against Duke, so it was time to have that conversation with him.

“Oh. She’s going to squawk.”

Ricci was right. Nova’s face was getting red, and she pushed out her butt as she did right before she let loose with a wail. It was time to head back.

23

Quincey

He was shirtless.

Oh God.

Shirtless!

My body was reacting, almost quivering, and I was embarrassed as I came down to the kitchen that night.

Who was this person? I didn’t recognize myself.

Relationships were a struggle as a dancer. At least for me. I found it challenging to be the partner the other person wanted. I didn’t have a lot of time and had even less time when I became a principal dancer. We danced for hours every day, and that wasn’t counting the shows. Sometimes we did two shows a day.

Because of that, I had a few lovers over the years. We’d meet or call, and then we’d go about our lives. It was probably much the same as what Valerie had with Nate. But maybe because of dance, or maybe it was just how I worked, but I’d never been one for relationships.

I wasn’t one for romance either.

Despite the romantic, sensual magic that I tried to convey through dance, it had never made sense to me.

Sex had been an urge or a need that I took care of, like eating. Or needing water.

The whole heart palpitations, fluttering stomach, weak in the knees experiences were alien to me.

“Hey.”

Nate had turned and saw me, and so like him, he wasn’t ruffled one bit.

I moved farther into the kitchen, seeing Nova in the corner. She was taking a bunch of plastic cups and bottles from one corner of the room to the other. I paused, watching her. Always so busy and with such an unknown purpose.