“Says who? Dad? So what? He was far from perfect, and he did a lot of shit that he shouldn’t have. Why the hell did he sweep all of this under the rug? If he hadn’t, the three of us wouldn’t have to be dealing with it now. Maybe Dad didn’t make the right decision. Maybe Dad was wrong.”

“He wasn’t wrong about me being responsible for you two.”

“How can you say that? Of course he was wrong. You were a kid. A twelve-year-old kid. No twelve-year-old kid should be saddled with the responsibility of two younger kids. We had a mother. We had a father. It’s not like you were all we had. You shouldn’t have been charged with our protection. You were one of us. Let. It. Go.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“It may not. But Mom and Dad weren’t perfect. They failed me. And they failed you, too. For whatever reason they thought they had to, they hid what happened to me and I was never able to deal with it then. It took me twenty-five years. Twenty-five fucking years, Joe, to even admit that this happened, to be able to say the word ‘rape’ out loud. I lost twenty-five years of my life, and for what? I don’t even know why they did it.”

“I guess that’s what this trip is for—to find out.”

“What if Wendy doesn’t know? What if she doesn’t have the answers we need?”

I sighed. “She may not. But she does have information. She told Jade she did.”

Talon nodded, his gaze still on the road. He was clenching the steering wheel with white knuckles.

“Do you want me to drive for a while?”

He shook his head. “I’m okay.”

“It’s okay for you to be angry.”

“I am angry.”

“And it’s okay to be angry at me.” The minute the words left my lips, I regretted them. Because frankly, I worried he would say the words I feared most—that yes, he was angry with me. He always said he wasn’t, that he didn’t blame me for not being there to protect him, but maybe, somewhere in the back of his mind, he did.

“The only thing I’m angry at you about, Joe, is not letting this go.”

“Pull over,” I said.

“What? We’re on the middle of the highway.”

“Take the next exit. We’re in the middle of nowhere.”

“Why in the hell do you want me to pull over?”

I gritted my teeth. “Because you and I are going to have this out. Now.”

“You’re not going to suck me into this, Joe. I refuse.”

I grabbed the steering wheel. “Goddamnit, I said pull over.” I jerked the steering wheel so the car headed onto the off-ramp.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m getting off the goddamned road. We are getting out of the car, and you are going to punch me in the face.”

“Are you crazy?”

Maybe I was. I was feeling crazy right now. I hadn’t had a good beating in a while, and my brother, the one I had failed…

And Melanie… I had failed her, too.

She and I were over before we ever began.

I wasn’t interested in her apologies for leaving me so abruptly, and I wasn’t interested in anything else from her.

She was a mess, and I was a mess. The two of us together were a nightmare. Her, I would let go. I had to let her go. I had no choice. But I could never let my brother go. We were blood. And I couldn’t go until he gave me what I deserved.

“Fine.” Talon jerked the car to stop. “Let’s get this over with.”

He got out of the car. I followed. We were on a back road that led into a few small Western slope towns. It was doubtful anyone would come by, and that was exactly how I wanted it.

I stalked around to my brother. “Come on. Take a shot. I know you’ve wanted to for twenty-five years.”

“Oh, hell, no. This is your battle, Joe, not mine. I forgave you a long time ago.”

“A-ha. So you admit there was something to forgive.”

Talon raked his fingers through his tousled hair. “Jesus Christ.”

“Take your best shot, little brother. I’m not getting back into the car until you do.”

“You’re fighting with yourself. Smack yourself around a little. Maybe that’ll help.”

I advanced on my brother, grabbed him by his shirt collar, and shoved him up against the car. “I’ve tried everything, you know. You want to know why I ended up in the hospital that time? It wasn’t because some thugs randomly jumped me in an alley. I had gone looking for it. I had instigated it.”

His mouth dropped open. “I wondered what happened. I know you, Joe. I know how tough you are, how mean you are. You could kick pretty much anybody’s ass.”

“And guess what? That wasn’t the first time. I’d gotten my ass kicked before, just never bad enough to end up in the hospital. So now you know about the pain that runs through me. And I’m afraid it won’t go away until you punch it out of me.”

“Why me?”

“You know why.”

“You didn’t fail me, goddamnit.”

“You can say that all day, Talon. You can say it until the end of time, and neither you nor I will believe it.”

“Joe…”

“You know I’m right. If I had been there for you, if I had gone with you like you asked me to, those guys never would’ve gotten you. You wouldn’t have been held captive for two months. You wouldn’t have been raped, Talon.”

His cheeks reddened, and his lips trembled. Within a minute, my brother had broken my hold and turned me around up against the car, gripping me as I had been gripping him a second before.

“Is this what you want, brother?” he said, gritting his teeth. “This is what you want? You want me to fuck you up?”

Please, I said inside my head. Yes, please, that’s what I want.

But even as I thought those words, I knew it wouldn’t help to have Talon take a shot at me.

It hadn’t helped the other times.

And even though this time, Talon would be doing the beating, it still wouldn’t help.

No one could beat the guilt out of me. Melanie had taught me that.

This was so ridiculous, so absurd. I began laughing despite myself.

The only one who could beat my guilt out of me was me.

“Now you’re laughing?” Talon released me. “Joe, you’re going to be the death of me.”