Then the word popped out of my mouth.

“Guilt.”

“I understand,” Dr. Carmichael said. “You have a lot of guilt about what happened to your brother.”

I swallowed and nodded.

“Let’s talk about that,” she said. “Why do you feel so guilty?”

“Because I’m the older brother. I should’ve been able to protect him that day. I should’ve protected him the way he protected Ryan. But I wasn’t there, and he paid the ultimate price for my failure.”

“You do understand that Talon doesn’t blame you for what happened, don’t you?”

I understood that, all right. He’d told me enough. But that didn’t seem to matter. Still, I blamed myself. “I do know that, Melanie.” Shit, what a blunder. “I’m sorry. Dr. Carmichael.”

She smiled again, and my heart did a little dance. What a gorgeous smile.

“If you’re more comfortable calling me by my first name, please feel free to do so. After all, I’m calling you Jonah.”

For some reason, she was Melanie to me. Maybe because we’d met before. I didn’t know. “All right. If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.”

“So anyway…Melanie, I know he doesn’t blame me. But I also know he resents what happened to him.”

“He may have in the past, but he no longer feels that way. And even if he did, it was completely subconscious. We’ve talked at length about that.”

I looked down at my hands. “God, it’s so weird for you to talk to me about this.”

“As I told you, Talon gave me carte blanche with you. He’s very concerned about you and the guilt you feel. He wants you to get help, and if his sessions with me can assist you along the way, he wants that to happen.”

“It just feels so…”

Melanie nodded. “I understand. So if you would rather I not share Talon’s sessions and feelings with you, we can go that route. Either way, I’m here for you, Jonah, just as much as I am for your brother. I can also recommend another therapist, if you’d rather deal with someone who doesn’t know Talon’s history. I have several colleagues, both male and female, who are excellent and who I think could help you.”

I shook my head. “No, then I’d just have to explain the whole story to them. You already know it, so we don’t have to go there. But yeah, I would rather not discuss Talon. I mean, at least not his sessions with you. That seems too private to me. But we can discuss Talon from my perspective. His situation is why I’m here, after all.”

“I completely understand. So tell me, how did you find yourself in that situation? In a dark alley, getting beaten?”

Embarrassment flooded through me. The last thing I wanted was for Melanie to think I couldn’t take care of myself when I encountered a couple of thugs. Of course I could. I could’ve sent both of them into tomorrow. God knew I had before when someone else was at stake.

Just not me.

Thing was, I knew exactly what I’d been doing. I was punishing myself. Seemed the only way to get rid of the guilt was to inflict so much physical pain on myself that I could no longer feel the emotional pain. I didn’t need Melanie or any other therapist to tell me that. Sounded pretty textbook to me.

“Do you want to talk about something else?”

“No, this is what I came here for. I hope you don’t think I can’t handle myself.”

“Of course I don’t think that. Even if I did, I’m not here to judge you, Jonah. I’m here to help you.”

Knife in the gut. She didn’t think I could handle myself. Well, I’d have to take care of that. I just wasn’t sure how to at the moment.

“Do you want to tell me how you got into that situation? Or like I said, we can talk about something else.”

Something else. If only…

“It’s the guilt, Melanie. It’s eating me alive.”

She nodded, her countenance grave. And something else laced her eyes.

Pity.

I didn’t want pity in any form. I didn’t deserve anyone’s pity. Nothing bad had happened to me, at least nothing I hadn’t walked into myself. Not like what had happened to Talon.

“Please. Don’t look at me that way.”

She widened her eyes. “What way do you mean?”

“With sympathy. I don’t deserve it.”

“I think you may have misread my facial expression. I’m only feeling concerned.”

Right. I didn’t believe her for a minute.

“But let’s attack this from a different angle,” she said. “How are you feeling? Physically? You took a pretty bad beating, but you look great today. There’s certainly no indication on your face that anything happened.”

Of course there wasn’t. I always protected my face.

“I feel okay. Still a little achy where my ribs were broken.” I’d taken some nasty boots to the back as well, but luckily they hadn’t done any lasting internal damage.

“Well, that’s good news.”

Silence reigned for what seemed like an hour. She didn’t seem to know what to say to me, and I sure as hell didn’t know what to say to her. Finally, I stood.

“I think this might’ve been a mistake. I’m not certain I’m ready for therapy. I’m not sure I need it.”

“All right, but feel free to change your mind,” she said. “My office is open to you anytime if you ever want to come back.”

She moved toward me, and electricity surged through my veins.

She was so beautiful, and I wanted to rip her blond hair out of that bun and watch it flow around her creamy shoulders.

Of course, if I wasn’t going back to therapy, what was stopping me? She wasn’t going to be my therapist…

I walked toward her, closing the distance, and met her emerald eyes.

Her lips trembled—such gorgeous, kissable lips.

Then I turned.

I walked out of her office.

Chapter Two

Melanie

I stood, alone, in the middle of my office, shuddering.

It was better that Jonah Steel hadn’t kissed me, but for a millisecond I had been sure he was going to.

And I had wanted him to.