“Ah, you mean Daxton.” She leans against the doorjamb and crosses her arms over her chest. “You should’ve told me how involved you are.”

“I think that’s past tense now.” I start to laugh, but it dissolves into a terrible, broken sound. I’ve messed up so badly this time. Worse than I ever could’ve imagined, and not just with Dax but with Emme. What will he to say to her? How much is she going to hate me? I’ve put him in a terrible position, and all for what? A career move? One that no longer means what it once did. Not when it’s going to cause so much unnecessary hurt.

“If I’d known, I would’ve approached my conversation with him differently.”

“I was planning to talk to you about it in the morning. I didn’t want to complicate an opportunity for him to work here.” Which is true. More than the partnership, I worried that being involved with him could affect his chance at the firm. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, Beverly.”

She laughs. “No one ever means to fall in love.”

Denying it seems pointless, as if I’m trying to support a position that doesn’t require any defense. “I don’t want my partnership contingent on whether Daxton accepts a job here. I can’t have those two things tied together.”

Beverly is silent for a few moments before she speaks. “I can understand that, considering the circumstances. Regardless of how you get there, Kailyn, you’ve put in the time and dedication for the partnership to be yours. Why don’t we talk about this later, when you’re thinking rationally and not with your heart. You should go home, try to get some rest. I don’t think this aunt of his is going down without a fight based on the shit she’s slinging, so it’s going to be all hands on deck for the next little while.” She moves to leave but pauses. “In case you weren’t aware, in regards to the nonfraternization policy, already established relationships are reviewed on a case-by-case basis. Mostly it’s to keep the lawyers from screwing their assistants or bosses. Just something to think about.”

It would be if Dax didn’t hate me.

I make it home before I have a complete breakdown. When I’m semicomposed, I call Holly. It’s after nine on a Monday, we both have to work early, but my craggy voice and sniffles mean she drops everything to come over.

I’m not one for emotional outbursts. I cried when my mom passed and again when my dad went a few years later. I almost cried when I humiliated myself the first time I met Dax, but other than that, tears don’t fall easily for me. I’m pragmatic most of the time. But not when it comes to Dax and Emme.

The possibility of losing them terrifies me.

Half an hour later Holly shows up at my door with an overnight bag. “What happened?”

“I messed up.” My eyes start leaking again.

“Oh, peanut.” She drops her bag and hugs me.

It takes less than fifteen minutes to spill the entire story once I’m composed enough to speak.

“I think the most important question is whether or not you see this thing with Dax as long term.”

“I can.”

Holly tips her head to the side and waits for me to continue.

“We understand each other.”

“You’re sure you’re not just playing rescuer?”

It’s a valid question. If I had more space, I’d probably have ten cats instead of two. Once I saved an entire litter when a feral mother gave birth under the back deck. I was so desperate to keep them I even suggested building them a house in the backyard because both of my parents were allergic. Despite my pleas, they insisted we give them up for adoption. I put up the ad and vetted those families like the lawyer I now am.

“It’s not uncommon for people who have experienced similar losses to find comfort in each other.”

Holly smiles. “That’s true.”

“I love him. And Emme.”

“Enough to walk away from an opportunity to be partner?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t even have to think about that.”

“I was going to tell Beverly tomorrow morning that I didn’t want my partnership to be based on Daxton coming to Whitman anyway. That I wanted it because I’d earned it. You know, for years I had this goal based on a bet with my dad, but he wouldn’t want me to forfeit the chance to have something real and meaningful just to further my career. And honestly, Holls, trust law isn’t what I want to do forever. I’d rather not make partner and shift gears than keep going in the same direction I am now.”

“So then you shift gears.”

“I want to move to family law. Help people who really need it. Like the Lipsons and the Wilsons and Dax and Emme.”

“It’s a great fit. I think until now it was just too close to your heart, and you didn’t have enough of your own people to love to really take it on.”

My chest aches as I recall just how upset Daxton was in my office earlier. “I might’ve lost two of those people tonight.”

“He’s hurt and he’s dealing with more than is reasonable. The stress of what happened with his sister, the custody battle, all the uncertainty, he’s been relying on you for a lot.”

“And I let him down in the worst possible way, Holly. He thinks I did it all to make partner, not because I care.”

“Do you really think he believes that?”

“You didn’t see him today. He was so angry and hurt. I did a lot of damage.”

“So how do you undo it?”

“I don’t know. Find a way to help him keep custody of Emme, I guess?”

“You’re resourceful, smart, and determined. You always find a way to make it happen if you want it bad enough.”

There’s no way Emme’s aunt wants what’s best for her. It’s the trust she’s after. Now I just need to find a way to prove it, and make Dax see it was never about the partnership for me when it came to him and Emme.

Leading up to the final custody hearing, I only hear from Dax when it’s absolutely necessary. He uses email and cc’s his lawyer. Everything is polite and professional. He doesn’t text, doesn’t call, and avoids stopping by the office when he knows I’ll be there. My heart aches on a daily basis. The only similar pain I can recall is the loss of my parents. But, no matter how much it hurts, I don’t regret falling in love with Daxton, I just regret not telling him what I should have before I damaged what we had.

Heartache is the worst affliction. It robs a person of rationality, of logic, of forethought and patience. It makes everything good painfully bright and magnifies the bad with an intensity that’s difficult to tolerate.

Thankfully, the one light in my darkness is the constant texts from Emme. Whatever Dax has said to her, it hasn’t been enough to make her turn on me, too, which gives me hope.

So do the reports from Emme that Dax is sad, and whenever she brings me up he gets all cagey and dejected. While I wait out his silence, I dig into his aunt, dissecting the emails she sent me, looking for more in them. I seek out more information on her past jobs and her husbands, trying to make connections, but without input from Dax, it’s difficult to make any progress.

Emme’s still worried she’s going to have to live with her aunt, but since the journal entries and the social media pictures—which were a stretch considering Emme was with me and I have the pictures and receipts to prove it, Linda hasn’t made any more moves.

Regardless, I can’t shake the feeling that she has more to do with the whole underage alcohol situation than we know. She was too smug, too all-knowing and just waiting for Dax to blow. And none of the girls had been drunk according to the police reports, since it turns out they’d all taken Breathalyzer tests. It doesn’t make sense that a group of girls would steal alcohol and not bother to drink it.

A few weeks after the whole blowout at my office, Emme texts about an assembly she’s performing in and wants to know if I can come.

I’m not sure if Dax is aware Emme and I are still communicating on a regular basis. I don’t ask about him, even though I want to. Although I certainly don’t stop her when she wants to share. He’s home every night. He’s overly attentive. He’s a terrible cook, but he’s trying.

She misses me.

I miss them both.

I decide the conversation warrants a phone call. “Hey, sweetie, how’s it going?”

“Okay, I guess. Do you think you’ll be able to come?”

“Does Dax know you invited me?”

She’s silent for a few seconds. “Everyone gets two tickets, so I can invite whoever I want.”

I smile at her defiant tone. “You don’t think it would be better to let him know instead of surprising him?”

“Why is he so upset with you? He won’t tell me anything and he’s, like, moody and stuff when I ask about you.”

I sigh. “I made a mistake and I hurt him.”

“Can’t you say you’re sorry?”

“Sometimes it’s not that simple, Emme.”

“He misses you, though, I know he does. You left a ring here and he’s always sitting in front of the TV at night, playing with it.”

Well, at least I know I didn’t lose it. It’s not particularly valuable, apart from sentimentality. “Hopefully with time Dax will be able to forgive me.”

“Was it really bad? Your mistake?”