Holly sighs. “Do you mean you like the nostalgia of your teen crush?”

“The crush died at the end of law school. This isn’t based on the past, Holls. I like him, who he is as a person, the things that make him who he is, the guy who calls me up on a Friday night for Aisle of Red advice and then walks around with a box of incontinence products because he doesn’t know any better. The guy who sends me flowers and funky pens because he knows I like them. He’s different.”

Our appetizers arrive and we once again wait for the server to leave before we resume the conversation.

“I know it’s a complicated situation,” I admit.

“Does his sister know there’s something going on between you two?”

I shake my head. “Of course not.”

“So she thinks you’re friends? Kailyn, this isn’t just about liking some guy who’s good in the sack. He comes with baggage, the heavy kind.”

“I know that.”

“He’s suffered a huge trauma. You can’t walk into this without weighing all of the consequences.”

“I know that, too.”

“Do you? Because it doesn’t seem like you’re considering very carefully what the fallout of this could be. Are you prepared to be a mother to a thirteen-year-old? Because that’s exactly what you’re signing on for with this.”

Each point she makes feels like a stab of reality I don’t want to acknowledge. “I can’t replace Emme’s mother.”

“No, you can’t, but she’s going to be looking for someone to fill that role, and that’s exactly what you’ll be to her by getting involved with Dax. You’re not even thirty, and you’ll be taking on an orphaned teenager. It’s not an easy road. You know this, Kay.”

“Believe me, I get it better than anyone else. It’s why we’re keeping it just between me and Dax for now.”

“Come on, Kay. It goes way beyond that, doesn’t it? How long is the secrecy going to last? I get that you like this guy, but he’s grieving, too. I’m worried about who’s going to end up hurt in all of this. Does he even know why you’re pushing to get him to come to your firm? How’s he going to feel if he makes the switch and all of a sudden you make partner?”

I press my fingers to my lips, my panic turning into real fear. “I don’t know if that’s what I want anymore.”

“I think you need to figure that out. More than one person’s heart could end up broken here. Dax needs support, and I’m concerned you’re caught up in being his savoir. And if you end up working together, too, it adds another layer of complication.”

I know all of this. I knew it before I spent the weekend with him, but hearing it from someone else makes it so much more real. And it’s the reason I haven’t said anything until now.

“It’s the first time I’ve really connected with another person in a long time. It feels good to be needed by someone, to take care of someone else emotionally and feel like I’m being taken care of, too. Does that make any sense at all?”

“Of course it does. You took care of your mom when she was sick, you took care of your dad after she passed, and then he died, too, and you’ve put everything into being the best trust lawyer in the state. Maybe you want to save other families from struggling financially like you have when there’s already emotional turmoil. And now you’re taking on these pro bono custody cases for me. The security thing makes sense, and Dax . . . he’s suffering and you’re familiar with what that looks and feels like. He also represents so many good things from your childhood that you want to hold on to.”

I rub my temples. “Are you going to charge me a hundred and fifty dollars for this session?”

“You can just get lunch.” Holly laughs but reaches across the table and covers my hand with hers. “Am I wrong?”

I consider all the connections she’s made and how I’ve started to put them together recently, too. Making partner has been the goal since my dad passed, a place to focus all my energy, but in doing that I’ve neglected forming new attachments and relationships, at least the kind that can end up hurting me, until now. “You’re not wrong. But it’s not just being a savior, or holding on to good things from my childhood. I care about Dax. And Emme.”

Holly takes a different approach. “Okay, so what if things were different. What if making partner wasn’t this thing you felt you needed to do? Would you still be working on trusts? What about family law? Would that be something you’d want to do beyond personal favors for me?”

“I consult for you because I want to, it’s not just personal favors.”

“But would you want to do it as a job?”

Five years ago I would’ve said no, definitely not. The grief of losing my mother lingered, and then after my dad passed, the idea of working on pro bono cases was untenable because I couldn’t afford to. But now it’s different. I have other things in my life to help ease those losses, and two of them are a very recent addition.

“Maybe?” I run my finger around the rim of my glass.

“Something to consider, isn’t it? That way you could do what you love and have what you want, too.”

It sounds so simple, but I know it’s not.

chapter eighteen

THE BIRDS AND THE BEES

Dax

The week following the alumni conference is busy, and Kailyn and I don’t have much of an opportunity for alone time. I pick her up for dinner one night—she’s practically on the way home—but Emme monopolizes her for the most part. On the upside, picking her up means I also get to drive Kailyn home. We have frantic, intense sex in the middle of her front entryway, Kailyn pressed up against the wall, both of us mostly dressed.

It isn’t until we’re both sated and sweaty that I notice the hallway is lined with family photos chronicling her life with her mom and dad from childhood to college kid. She’s incredibly sentimental. And her cats are clearly very reliant on her based on the way they rub themselves all over her ankles as I kiss her goodbye.

Tonight, Kailyn’s taking Emme out for girl time. Apparently, going to a dance means Emme needs her nails done and stuff. It gives me the opportunity to spend some time with my friends, which I admittedly haven’t done much of lately, too caught up in my sister and Kailyn.

I follow Felix’s Porsche to a bar close to the office and we settle in, waiting for the rest of the guys to arrive. “So you and Fangirl, huh?”

“Don’t call her that.”

He gives me an arched brow. “She’s out with Emme tonight?”

“They’re getting their nails done, I think. Kailyn said it was girl stuff and I wasn’t invited, which is fine by me.” I relax in my chair. It’s nice to be able to hang out after work and not worry about picking someone up for one lesson or another, or about making dinner that a thirteen-year-old won’t turn her nose up at. I’ve mastered spaghetti and grilled cheese, and that’s about it so far.

“So what exactly is going on there? She’s a little stiff, yeah?”

I flip him the bird. “She’s not stiff. You were a dick to her in school and she has a good memory. She also gets what I’m going through and she’s good with Emme.”

He frowns. “So that’s what this is about? You two are friends and she’s, what, like a stand-in mom?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like? You were together the entire alumni weekend. You gotta be banging her, right? She not really your usual type.”

“I don’t have a usual type.” I avoid the other question. Besides, I’m not banging Kailyn. I like Kailyn. Actually, I more than like her.

“If you say so.”

A tall, leggy blonde with wide eyes and a smile to match sashays over, holding a pair of shots. “I’m sooooo sorry, but you’re Daxton Hughes, right?”

I bite back a sigh and plaster a smile on my face. It’s an automatic response, one I learned from acting and photo ops. The last thing I want is for someone to catch me mid–eye roll with a fan. I just want to have a conversation with my friend and not be hounded. I’ve gotten a lot more attention than usual since my parents passed. I thought I was over that, but the entire alumni conference showed me very clearly that’s not the case. Thank God Kailyn was there to make it easier.

“That would be me.”

She screeches and does a little excited dance. “I knew it! I brought you a shot! Can I get a selfie with you? My friends aren’t going to believe I met you if I don’t.”

“Yeah, sure, we can take a picture.” Hopefully she’ll go away after that.

I shift to the edge of the booth so she doesn’t get any ideas about climbing in with me. She takes about five thousand selfies in the span of thirty seconds, all of them complete with that duck lip thing girls do. Once she’s done and decided she has at least fifty photos she likes, she hugs me, and I’m pretty sure she sniffs me. “Thank you!” She steps back and flails a little. “Oh! Let’s do the shots!”

“Thanks, that’s really nice of you, but I have to drive later.” The last thing I want is to be roofied by a crazy fangirl. I smile, thinking about Kailyn’s reaction when I tell her about this.