“Maybe tomorrow.”

“Did you see him?”

God he hated to see her so sad. “I did. He’s beautiful.” He sat on the side of her bed and pulled out his phone showing her the pictures he’d taken of their baby. “Look he’s not as small as some of the other babies in there. He’s almost four pounds. The nurse said the only thing they’re watching him closely for is his heart slowing down.” He knew that would scare her and he saw it in her eyes. “But she said that’s normal for preemies.”

Sarah held his phone staring at the small screen her hand over her mouth and her eyes welled up again.

“She also said unlike some of the other babies in there that will probably be here for months, we might just be looking a few weeks.”

She finally pulled her eyes away from the phone to look at him. He didn’t think it possible but he saw her spirit fall even further. “Weeks?”

“Baby he’s too little. He needs to gain weight and be able to eat, breath and stay warm on his own before we can take him home. But other than that he’s healthy.” He kissed her softly. “Have you thought of a name?”

“I have to see him first.”

Angel smiled. “All right then for now he’s just our baby.”

She took a deep breathe and leaned against him chest. Angel always thought he’d want a big family, especially since Sarah was an only child but after the ordeal they’d gone through he wasn’t sure he could go through something like this again.

~*~

Angel had warned her about their baby’s appearance. So she braced herself as she was wheeled into the NICU. Her heart nearly broke for all the other tiny babies in there who looked so shriveled and barely human. Some looked like just breathing hurt. When she reached the incubator labeled Moreno she was overwhelmed with emotion. Angel was right. He wasn’t nearly as small as some of the other babies and except for being so little and all the tubes on him he looked almost normal. He slept soundly.

The nurse walked by and smiled. “No bradys for almost five hours.”

Sarah looked at her having no clue what that meant.

“It’s what they call it when his heart slows down,” Angel translated.

Sarah glanced at him then back at her baby. He was perfect and she teared up. “My little angel.” She turned back to Angel wiping her tears away with a smile. “It’s perfect. He’s an angel and at the same time he can take his daddy’s name.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

She nodded, her spirits rising. She always considered naming their first born son after Angel, and now that there was a baby Sal and baby Alex why not keep with tradition? “Baby Angel,” she said staring at her son. Her son—she could hardly believe it—she had a son.

Leaving the hospital empty handed was harder than she imagined; the first few nights they’d driven back to the hospital in need of being near him again.

Baby Angel was progressing superbly. He was gaining weight on schedule and had begun to drink from a bottle. The first time they got to hold him had been emotional for everyone. It was the most beautiful feeling to finally hold him in her arms. Then there was a setback. They’d begun the countdown. With his weight nearing five pounds and him eating on his own the doctors said as soon as he went ten days without any bradycardias he could go home. The most he’d gone was an entire twenty-four hours and then he had one and the clock had to be started again. It was heartbreaking but Sarah was still thankful that he was healthy in every other way.

Angel was excited that unlike all his nephews and nieces whose eyes were immediately piercing dark brown, his sons eyes were very gray, almost blue, a sign the doctor said that they may very well end up being green like Sarah’s. He said he’d always loved her eyes and that it’d be awesome to see such a huge part of Sarah in his son every time he looked into his eyes.

After going another full ten hours without a brady the machine went off again. Both Sarah and Angel knew how to stimulate his chest now to get the heartbeat to speed up and she did holding back the tears.

She sat there now hours later holding him. It was so unfair. Just a few days ago Sofia had given birth to a perfectly healthy baby girl and was already home with her. Sarah fought the feelings of bitterness and reminded herself it was miracle her baby was doing so well. Some of the other babies were not faring as well and had a ton of issues. One had even passed a few days ago. Sarah couldn’t even imagine the anguish those parents must’ve gone through and instantly felt guilty. She kissed her baby’s forehead and was slightly startled with Angel’s voice. “Have you talked to Sydney lately?”

She looked up at him and shook her head. She’d never tell Angel but she was convinced now after texting Syd the night before she woke up bleeding in the hospital that God was punishing her. It wasn’t right to love two men. Even though she loved them both in such different ways. She knew it would hurt Angel if he ever heard her say she did—knew how much it bothered him years ago. That’s why she’d stopped doing it. Why had she started up now? She had no idea. But she wouldn’t chance it anymore. She hadn’t even told Syd she’d had the baby though she was sure he knew because her mother had probably already told his parents.

“Maybe you should call him.”

She looked up at him confused. “Why?”

“I don’t know. Might take your mind off things.”

She smiled but if he knew what she thought had brought all this on he wouldn’t be suggesting such a thing. She lifted a shoulder. “I’ll call him when I get a chance.”