I’m thinking about what’s sure to come next—an amazing goodnight kiss—when I hear a voice say, “Keatie?”

Oh, shit.

It’s Dawson, sitting on the steps in front of my dorm, obviously waiting for me.

I freeze. “Uh, hey, Dawson. What’s up?”

Aiden squeezes my hand, turns me around to face him, and completely ignores the fact that Dawson is here. “I had a great time tonight.” He leans in, kisses me on the cheek, and says quietly, “And I’m keeping the feather.”

Then he turns and walks away.

Dawson says, “You’re really dressed up. So, you got French food?”

“Yes, we did. Aiden was able to read most of the menu. How was your night? What’d you do?”

He grabs my waist like he always does and pulls me in toward him.

I give him a little hug.

But I can’t kiss him.

I just can’t.

“I complained to Bryce the entire time you were gone. He finally told me to shut the fuck up, so I came out here to wait for you.”

I pull away from him. “Oh, I’m sorry, but I have to get in there. Sign in. I don’t want to get in trouble. Just text me or something.”

We’re both ah-mazing.

10:45pm

I’m lying in my bed, listening to Katie breathing deeply and knowing that she’s already asleep.

I close my eyes and rub my finger slowly across my lip, remembering the feel the feather.

It was so amazing.

No, wait. Hang on.

I sound like a group of 12-year-olds at the mall. That skirt is ah-mazing. You look amazing, No, we are both ah-mazing.

Time for a new word. Amazing is so overused.

I pull up the thesaurus on my laptop and look for some new options.

Astonishing, awesome, fascinating, incredible, marvelous, prodigious, shocking, stunning, surprising, unbelievable, wonderful, extraordinary, rare, something hard to put into words, makes your heart beat faster.

Okay, so tonight with Aiden was extraordinarily, unbelievably, stunningly wonderful.

And totally ah-mazing.

My phone buzzes.

Hottie God: Hey :)

Me: Hey :) Tonight was wonderful. I enjoyed it.

Hottie God: Didn’t quite end the way I hoped it would.

Me: I was shocked to see Dawson sitting there. Sorry about that.

Hottie God: Just tell me.

Me: Tell you what?

Hottie God: Did you kiss him?

Me: I did not.

Hottie God: So you’re okay with me keeping the feather?

Me: Actually, I need it back.

Hottie God: Why?

Me: I’m thinking of having it bronzed.

Hottie God: Does that mean you liked it?

Me: Did I look like I liked it?

Hottie God: You looked like you loved it.

Me: You use a feather on all the girls?

Hottie God: Only you.

Me: I did love it.

Hottie God: Good :) Night, Boots.

I shut off my lamp and wait for the glow-in-the-dark stars to start glimmering.

Dawson: Keatie . . .

Me: Dawson . . .

Dawson: You’re killing me.

Me: You killed me first.

Dawson: Do you like him? Did you kiss him? Did you have sex with him?

Me: I don’t know. I did. I did not. And I can’t believe you would think I did!

Dawson: I’m feeling uncontrollably jealous.

Me: Why were you waiting for me? What did you want?

Dawson: To talk.

Me: So talk.

Dawson: This sucks.

Me: Yeah, it does.

Dawson: Do you want wood from me?

Me: Wood? Seriously, Dawson? Is sex ALL you think about? No. Right now, I do not want your wood.

Dawson: That’s not what I meant. I meant woo-ed or however the hell you spell it.

Me: Oh, sorry. What I want is a boyfriend that thinks I am worth some effort. I want a boyfriend who isn’t going to ditch me the second his ex sends him a text. That’s what I want.

Dawson: I can do romantic.

Me: I’m going to sleep now. Night, Dawson.

Dawson: No heart?

Me: </3

I toss and turn, trying to get comfortable, when I realize something. Although I’ve seen him flirting with other girls, and although I know there is some dream girl he crushed on, I haven’t heard anything about Aiden hooking up with any girls this semester. But that can’t be right.

Maybe he’s a stealth player who hooks up with girls under the radar. Or he has a radar-jamming device. Or something. I guess I really don’t exactly know how a stealth player works.

Me: Are you still awake?

My phone immediately buzzes, so I answer it. “I guess you’re still awake.”

“I am. Are the stars glowing?”

“Yes.”

“Do they make you think about me?”

“Maybe.”

“I want to see them sometime. You know, I never had that many on my ceiling. I got a bunch more. I wanted it to look like I was lighting up the sky for you.”

“Isn’t that a song?”

“I don’t know? Is it?”

“I think so. They’re really pretty, Aiden. Wanna hear a secret?”

“Of course.”

“I ordered a whole bunch of them for one of the ceilings in my loft.”

“Your bedroom?”

“No, there’s an upstairs TV room. Sometime soon, when the play is over, I want to go there and relax.”

“Aw, I’d love to come with you. Thanks for asking.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“And still, I knew that’s what you meant. Night, Boots.”

“Night, Aiden.”

Chivalry is officially dead.

1am

I’m still staring at the stars when Dallas calls me. Katie isn’t breathing as deeply and I don’t want to wake her, so I text him back.

Me: Tell me you and Riley are going to the Cave and I will love you both forever. I can’t sleep.

Dallas: I want to be adored forever. Riley just wants some sex. But then, he doesn’t. His indecision is driving me mad. I NEED to smoke. And I am requesting the pleasure of your company so that you can protect me when I make fun of his blue balls.

Me: I went on a date - sort of - with Aiden tonight. Dawson was waiting in front of my dorm when we got back. Awkward much? I NEED to smoke so that I will not go crazy.

Dallas: It’s chilly. Riley says you are not getting his sweatshirt tonight.

Me: Chivalry is officially dead.

I throw on some sweatpants, a big sweatshirt, and Uggs and sneak out of the window.

Dallas has a blanket spread out and he and Riley are already lounging across it.

“So how’d the big date go?” Riley asks.

“It was good. He’s so romantic; very much a gentleman.”

“Dawson’s not a gentleman?”

“He is. Aiden is just, like, chivalrous. And, Riley, regardless of how your balls are doing, I think it’s smart for you and Ariela to wait.”

Dallas rolls his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Dallas. Sex is all fun and new for you. I get that. But at some point, you’re going to get tired of doing it with someone who you mean nothing to. Or you’re going to care about a girl. You’ll be in love with her. You’ll think because the sex is amazing that she loves you back. But then her ex will text her, or she’ll tell you that you’re getting too serious, or that she’s leaving for a year, and it will break your freaking heart. I’m talking break it in two. You’ll be on the ground sobbing.”

Dallas rolls his eyes at me again and passes me the joint he just lit and took a hit off.

“I’m seventeen. I don’t think I’m going to be looking for anything serious for quite some time. And I’m certainly not going to let myself get hurt.”

“Says the romantic who wanted to wait until it was special.”

“So it didn’t work out according to plan. I’m not going to get my panties all in a wad if something doesn’t go the way I expected it to.”

“You wearing panties now?” Riley asks, teasingly.

“I could. I have a whole drawer full of them. It’d save me from doing laundry every week. Look, Kiki, I’m sorry you got hurt. You know that. But sex is fun. I’m having fun. I’m not going to apologize for that.”

“You shouldn’t,” Riley says. “And you shouldn’t make me feel bad because I’m choosing to wait for someone I think I care about.”

“Exactly,” I say, so they will stop arguing. I take a hit, then another, then get brave and say, “Have you either of you ever used a feather on a girl?”

Thursday, October 20th

He’s an idiot.

7:30am

I’m in line waiting for coffee when I notice Annie getting in line behind me.

I step out of line and walk back to her. I’m sick of her avoiding me.

Her eyes get big as she sees me marching toward her. She looks around for a second, like she’s considering just making a run for it.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

She fiddles with the zipper on her backpack. “I know you’re probably mad at me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you threw the star back at Aiden. Because you’re mad at him most of the time. And I helped him. There. I said it.”

“I assumed that you helped him. The bliss candy was a pretty big hint.”

She sighs. “When you threw the star back, he looked hurt. So I asked him why he wanted to give the star to you. And he kind of spilled his guts. He told me about the stars, the candy, phone jail, the four-leaf clover. I would’ve totally swooned if a guy did all that for me. You just frustrate me.”

“I apologized for throwing it at him. We went out for dinner last night.”

“So, you’re done with Dawson?”

“Um, not really.”

“Are you serious? That’s never going to work. And why would want to keep dating Dawson? He’s an idiot.”

“He is not. He needed closure with Whitney. I get that.”

“So that’s it? You’re going to forgive him, just like that!?” She stops and looks around, sees people are staring at her. She lowers her voice, looks like she’s about to cry, and stomps away. “This is why I haven’t been talking to you.”

Jake wanders up from behind me. “What was that all about?”

“She’s mad at me. Thinks I shouldn’t be giving Dawson another chance.”

“I can’t say that I disagree with her on that,” he says, surprisingly.

“How was the library with Maggie?”

“How was dinner with Aiden?” he sasses back as the first bell rings.

In history, Riley babbled on about how gorgeous Ariela is going to look in a toga and asks me if girls wear underwear with them.

My phone buzzes with a text.

Braxton: Hey, baby. What’s up? You got my Welcome to Eastbrooke, Bitches party planned?

Me: Yes. That’s what this weekend is. All about you.

Braxton: I love the place already. So there’s this girl.

Me: Isn’t there always?

Braxton: She’s the one I told you about. She dates older guys. Thinks I’m immature.

Me: She the one with long dark hair and the longest eyelashes ever?

Braxton: Yeah. Embry. She’s coming this weekend too.

Me: Let me guess. You want to impress her?

Braxton: Can’t decide. Part of me wants to kiss some hot older girl right in front of her. Make her see that I’m not immature.

Me: Um, trying to make someone jealous on purpose is sort of immature. I’m afraid she’d see right through it.

Braxton: Fine. Then I’ll forget about her and you can be my date.

Me: Me?

Braxton: Remember the beach this summer? How if I walk around with a hottie on my arm, all the girls will want me? Don’t you remember that? It was an important conversation!

Me: I remember the conversation. And I will be your date for the party. That will actually solve a tricky situation for me too.

Braxton: Heard you’re still fucking my brother while you’re dating someone else. Kinda slutty, if you ask me.

Me: I didn’t ask you. And I’m not doing that. I’m single. Dawson and I screwed up by taking things too fast sexually. That should be a lesson to you.

Braxton: Dawson is brilliant if you ask me. Loved the video, by the way.

Me: Riley told me that you tried to recreate it.

Braxton: That didn’t go over too well with Mom.

Me: I heard that too. Got your toga ready?

Braxton: You know, in ancient Greece, they went commando. I am a Johnson. I’ve always been big for my age. Better watch out.

Me: So is the girl excited to come?

Braxton: Isn’t it the girl gets excited, then she comes?

Me: Grow up.

Braxton: Fine. Yes. I heard her talking about it. She saw the video you did. Wants to meet you. Wants to be on the dance team. Thought the guys playing soccer with no shirts on were hot.

Me: I have a new line for you. Dallas told me yesterday during class.

Braxton: Hit me.

Me: Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 25 calories? We should work out together.

Braxton: I changed my mind. I want the trio.

Me: What trio?

Braxton: From the video. Blonde, brunette, and redhead. You can all be my dates. Get ready, bitches!!! Shit, I have to go. Teacher is giving me the evil eye.

How can I refuse?

Lunch

I wander into the café trying to figure out where I’m going to sit today.

Aiden, who was all sweet last night, has been nowhere to be found. I thought he might try and talk to me today. Walk me to class. Text me.

Something.

Anything.

But, no.