I don’t reprimand him. I don’t care anymore.

When I get upstairs, I sit on the dirty bed, in the dirty room and stare at the text she sent him. When the phone goes black from lack of use, I press the button and make it come back to haunt me further.

I take the phone back to my room and lie on my bed and stare at the words, 'girl I want to be' and try not to think of ways to make the white noise stop. Ways I promised Emalyn I wouldn’t do once I found her.

Chapter Eighteen

"Eli, son. Hans from the architectural firm we own in Boston needs someone to meet him at Northeastern. Can you do it?"

I almost laugh but my dad wouldn’t get the joke. I nod, "Yeah."

He sounds distant, "Excellent. I'm at the investors meeting for the bank so I'll be tied up all day."

I frown, "Did you fly here from France?"

He sighs, "No, we haven’t made it back there yet. Work and your mother's eye doctor appointments have made getting back impossible. Dinner tomorrow night?"

I nod, "Sure, can Stuart come?"

He laughs, "Why do you ask every time. Of course he can. He's family. Franklin is making his favorite anyway."

I smile, "Okay, I'll tell him when I see him at the gym later."

"Sounds good. I'll tell your mother. Love you, son." He hangs up and I don’t know what brought that on, but it makes me smile. He never says it. She doesn’t either. They've been so odd lately.

I get to the meeting early, not to be professional, but because I can see her window. It's ten hours until 8pm and I don’t know what I can possibly do to make her change her mind.

I dial Stuart and sit on the swept-off bench in the garden.

"Hey, man."

"We have dinner tomorrow night at Mom's. Franklin is making coq au vin."

I can almost hear Stuart's stomach start to growl, "Mmmm, just what I need, some comfort food."

I can hear the tension in his voice, "Want to hang out later?" I don’t tell him why. I don’t tell him I'm going to need to be drunk off my ass to stop myself from going and killing Sebastian. Not to mention, I keep forgetting to make his broken heart more important than my own.

I see the guy I'm meeting and get up from the bench, "Yeah. I need to get drunk. Just say if that’s what you want to do?"

I laugh, "It's exactly what I want to do."

"Peace, bro." He hangs up and I can't help but feel a little better. He forces me to.

The man I recognize from the last time we met as a group, smiles, "Mr. Adams, how nice to see you."

I nod, "You as well, Hans. How is your wife?"

He nods, probably surprised at my recalling that. It's something my father taught me, in business remember everything. It makes people believe you're their friend and builds trust faster. For him trust means it's easier to pull the rug out from under people and get more, because they saw you coming.

I shake Hans' hand and know whatever my father has in store for the university, it can't be all good. Our architectural firm is renowned for tearing down old things and making them new, even when people like the old and the history that comes with it.

He starts talking but I see Sarah sneaking out of the building. Hans points in the direction she is walking. I nod and follow along, but I don’t listen to what he's saying. I just watch her avoiding me for all it's worth.

"What do you think?"

I smile, "I think I trust you, and if you see something profitable for the company, or another way for us to make our mark and show people what a prestigious company we are, then you should go ahead with it." I grin, "Hans, my major was business but my passion has never been architecture." I slap his arm, "You know what you're doing."

He smiles back, "I'll have the office forward over the design specs if you want to sign off on them."

I nod again, "Good man, I'll have the accountants release the initial funds as well."

He puts his hand out. I shake it and try not to throw up. She hates me. I point at the dorm, "I will chat with you later, I am just going to go inside and take a look."

He smirks, "Okay. Thanks for that, Eli."

I nod, "Enjoy this one a little, for me."

He nods, "Alright." He waves and I walk inside, pulling one of my credit cards from my clip and heading for her room. I am stunned when I get in and it's sort of messy. Not filthy, just messy. It’s not the way her room was at the orphanage. There is a picture of her and Michelle on the wall. I smile when I see the smile on her face; it's the old broken one. I can't miss that sad, dead-eyed face if I try to force it. Even if she doesn’t pick me and love me, she is better off.

I sit on her bed and bounce to check the comfort. It's horrid. My back would be broken for sure.

I lie back frowning; it's worse than I thought. It’s like lying on concrete.

I close my eyes and see her face tilted up into the showerhead as I washed her hair. She was so beautiful, just as she was. I pull my phone out again and dial.

"Sup."

I wince, "I'm not biting, you did that on purpose to provoke me."

Stuart laughs into the phone.

I sigh, "She's going on a date with Sebastian tonight. What can I do to be a normal guy and take her out and do something that makes her like me more?"

He laughs, "You did bang her."

I shake my head, "Never having this conversation with you. What can I do?"

He pauses for a second and then I can hear the smile on his face, "Take her to Lance. She can see you being a normal guy doing a normal-guy thing. Go for a workout. Chicks dig hot, sweaty guys in boxing rings."

I smile, "You saying I'm hot, Stu?"

He scoffs, "No. I've seen you in the shower, bro. You're a hot mess, that's how you're hot. Trust me, man, take her to see Lance. He treats us like sons, she'll dig that."

I nod, "Okay. See you later." I hang up and think about her in a boxing ring. I can't see it.

I hear someone fumbling with the key and sit up. God knows what will walk in. Fortunately, it's her and she's alone. She looks confused. I pull her phone out of my pocket, "You forgot something last night."

"Why did you pay for all my tuition for the next four years?"

Oh sweet Jesus, "Stop being a pain in the ass. Do you know how hard it is to track you without the cell phone? Stuart and I literally have to follow you everywhere you go. It's annoying. Luckily, I had a meeting here today so I could return it."

She wrinkles her nose, I love it. "I don’t want any more help from you. I don’t want money or stuff or Stuart driving my ass around."

I ignore her, stand up and kiss her cheek, "Are you angry?"

She nods.

I smile, "Good." I take her hand and pull her to the door, "I have something I want to show you and I sort of need you angry for it."

She walks behind me but gives my shoes an evil look, "I want those damned shoes burned."

I have no idea what she's talking about, "Deal." I'd agree to anything to make her happy.

"I still can't believe you kicked me."

My stomach drops, the shoes are the ones I was wearing then. I shake my head, "I didn’t want to. I needed you to believe."

"Keep telling yourself that."

I smirk, "Keep telling yourself the paddle doesn’t turn you on."

She laughs and blushes, and I hope we don’t have to talk about this anymore. The gym isn’t going to be very normal if we do.

I hold her hand on the ride over and avoid Stuart's eyes in the rearview.

I take a breath like I am about to start the conversation about being good enough for her several times, but I just can't get it out. Instead, I sound like it's my first day breathing and I haven’t quite mastered it.

Stuart pulls up to the curb and I climb out, dragging her with me. I almost tell Stuart I'll see him later but I don’t. I don’t know how much she has figured out about us.

Angelo walks up grinning widely as we get to the front door of the gym. He throws a hand out, "Adams, yo. You're back." I slap hands with him, like we always do. It's urban but it's his greeting. I see his eyes noticing Sarah and his lips lifting at what he sees. I cock an eyebrow and point, "This is Sarah Mastermen. Sarah, this is Angelo. He's a lightweight champ."

Angelo grins, "I can strip weight off like a mutha."

I shake my head subtly at him. He nods and gets the door, catching my silent signals of impending death if he even looks at her.

If I could just grunt and piss on her leg, making all other men aware of her being mine, I would.

I lead her to the change room, not thinking about it being a co-ed gym.

I change, sensing Angelo's awareness of the awkwardness. He changes much faster than normal and grins at Sarah on his way out, "See you out there, Tinkerbell. Unless you chicken out. I understand if you’re too scared to do this."

I snort but she gives me a hateful look, "Tinkerbell?"

I smile, "You do kind of look like her. Big blue eyes and light-yellow, blonde hair. I can see it." I pass her the bag of stuff I got Stuart to grab and nod at the changing closet, "Go put this on."

She seems pissy and stalks off. I shake my head and try to loosen up, all the while chanting, "be normal" in my head. She is in there long enough for two guys to come and change. I glance at the clock and sigh. I want to say it isn’t a fashion show, but I settle for the thing I think will be worse, "Let's go, Tink."

She chuckles, "Fuck you, Eli."

I have no response for that. Does she hate me completely? Why did she hold my hand and smile at me if she hates me? Does she tell Sebastian to fuck off? I bet not. The more I think about it, the madder I get.

She opens the door and I snap, "Do I ever speak to you that way?"