I knew that. I knew they all did but they were all at a loss of what to say.

Finn stood nervously to the side a few feet away but I saw him watching me. He wasn’t sure if he should get closer or what to do. I turned to my younger cousin. “Have a sit,” I told him nodding to the chair to my right. “It’s okay.”

Finn was nineteen now. When he had been born, he’d been a baby that bored me. But soon he had become my little shadow and I liked it. Having him look up to me and mimic me made me feel important. He was the little brother I never had. Although he was much larger than me now. He was the size of his father and Uncle Cope was a big man. He was also quieter like his dad. His sister however was like Aunt Nan. She was chatty and loved attention.

“I’m sorry,” Finn said in his deep voice.

“Me too,” I replied.

Arms wrapped around my neck from behind. Expensive perfume met my nose then a kiss was pressed to my cheek. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. That was Ophelia. The sister I had adored until she stole my bedroom and painted it pink. I’d been one angry six-year-old boy. But Phoenix had been born and my parents needed Ophelia’s room for the nursery. And I was the oldest so they moved me into the far bedroom. I finally forgave her when she came into my room crying big crocodile tears after they brought Phoenix home from the hospital. She wasn’t the baby anymore and she was afraid they’d forget her or give her away.

I reached up and touched her arm. I didn’t have to say anything to her. She knew I was glad she was here. We didn’t see each other as much anymore and I missed her. Having them all here wasn’t as bad as I thought. Their voices all began to grow louder as several conversations took place.

Eating my breakfast, I listened and tried to join in when they wanted me to. But my heart wasn’t in it. I wasn’t sure I even had one anymore.

Bliss York

WINE WAS GOOD. I liked wine. No, I loved wine. It could possibly be the best thing ever made. Jesus liked the wine. He turned water into wine. The wine is good. Definitely yummy.

I stared at the three empty bottles sitting on the bar while I ate out of the bag of potato chips I had bought when I bought the wine. Shame I was out of the wine. I needed more but I wasn’t sure if I left this apartment that I’d find my way back. I would have to walk. I may be drunk but I wasn’t stupid. I couldn’t drive. Not like this.

A few chips missed my mouth and I watched them fall to the floor. I should pick them up. But I didn’t care. Eli would care. I should pick them up for him. Instead I put the bag of chips down and moved to the brownies I had also purchased. Brownies were good. Maybe as good as the wine. But I don’t think Jesus ate brownies. No there were never brownies mentioned in Sunday School. I wonder when brownies were created. Should Google it. Find out and celebrate their birthday.

The door closed and I jumped, screamed, and dropped my brownie. I probably wouldn’t pick it up either.

“Bliss?” Eli’s voice caught my attention.

“Hello, Eli.”

His gaze went from me to the wine bottles and the food I had been consuming all open on the counter.

“You okay? Larissa called and said you didn’t show up for work.”

Oh, yeah. Work. I wasn’t in the mood for work. I had taken off last week because leaving my room had been too much. I’d avoided everyone I could. Then when it was time for me to go to work I drove right passed it went to the grocery store instead and bought wine, chips, brownies, birthday cake, hot wings, and some grapes.

“I was hungry. And thirsty instead,” I explained.

“I can see that.”

I handed him the box of brownies. “These are good. The have little candies on them instead of nuts. Want one? I drank all the wine but I have food left.”

His eyes went wide. “You drank three bottles of wine?”

Sighing I nodded. “Yeah. I should have bought four.”

“No, you should have bought one,” he said. “Let’s stop for the night okay. You’ve had enough of everything it seems. You won’t feel good in the morning. Time you went to bed. You go lay down and I’ll bring you a glass of water and an aspirin.

I started to argue that I was still hungry but my stomach rolled and I felt sweaty. “Okay,” I agreed and began walking to the bathroom. I didn’t feel good. Not at all. My stomach rolled again just as I reached the door to my bathroom and I ran to the toilet hitting my knees with a thud just before it all came back up. One heave after another.

When it finally stopped and all I had was a few dry heaves I felt Eli behind me. He had my hair in his hand. I wanted to lay down here and started to but a cold washcloth was on my face and it felt nice.

“That will help in the morning. You got it all out now. Let’s get you to bed.”

I stood up as he picked me up under my arms and staggered into my bedroom. My bed seemed so far away and sleeping on the floor was a good idea. I tried. Eli wouldn’t let me though. He forced me to keep walking and when I finally made it across the great ocean of my room I fell down face first. Into soft warmth. My bed.

I’d never been really drunk. Never thrown up because of alcohol. Never slept in my clothes all night with vomit breath. Until now. Opening my eyes hurt. But what was worse was the taste in my mouth. Yuck. Closing my eyes helped with the pain. Didn’t help with the nasty in my mouth though.

Voices were in the apartment. Eli wasn’t alone. I didn’t want to get up and I hoped no one came in here. Last night hadn’t been my finest hour. It might have been my lowest one. But for awhile, I was happy. I had food and the alcohol helped with the emptiness and sorrow that I had been trying to live with the past week.

“I told you she’s okay, Larissa. Leave her alone.” Eli’s voice was loud enough for it to be clear through the door.

“She missed work. She’s not come out of her room in a week. She’s hurting Eli and she needs help. She needs someone to pull her out of it.”

Larissa knew. They all knew now. It had made the news. Octavia’s father was too well known for it not to. The entertainment world had gone on about her ended relationship with Dean Finlay’s grandson. Seeing it had been terrible. Knowing Nate wasn’t able to hide and mourn in peace.

My door opened then and I squinted my eyes to see Larissa coming in. She closed the door behind her. “I get that you’re hurting. The whole thing is tragic. Terrible and it kills me that you’re dealing with this. You of all people should get to live in a happy world where shit don’t happen. But it does happen. It hurts. You know that more than anyone. As your friend, I am here to get you out of bed, showered and dressed and out of this place. We are going to get food, walk down the beach, shop, whatever. You aren’t staying in here another day.”

I wanted to argue but I didn’t think I had a chance with her.

“And good for you, getting drunk. Skipping work. And doing the unexpected. It’s about time. You can’t be perfect, Bliss. No one is.”

I wasn’t trying to be perfect, was I?

“Up. Come on. You stink like wine and vomit.” She pulled my arms and I sat up. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You’re going to be okay. Life is going to go on and you will heal. You’ll find that happiness. And he will heal too.”

Tears stung my eyes. This wasn’t about me. Not about my pain. It was about Nate’s. “She killed his son.” That was all I could say.