He did.

Chris set the bottle of water on the nightstand and looked down at the dark head nestled against his side. Gianna had positioned herself so that one entire side of her body touched his from her cheek against his chest to her toes against his calf.

He didn’t want to move. Ever.

He’d uncovered every bit of himself and she hadn’t run away. She’d pressed forward. Eager in bed, Gianna had surprised him with her forwardness. Condom wrappers dotted the floor. He’d had a lot of missed time to make up for and apparently she had, too. He watched the black silk of her hair fall through his fingers. How many women had he turned away from, preferring to be alone rather than risk being rejected?

Not that many.

He’d avoided women. Never letting a conversation get beyond, “Black coffee, please,” or, “I’d like the steak.”

It was simpler that way. It’d been just he and Brian for so long; it was how he preferred it.

What will Brian say?

Every now and then Brian would ask him about women. Usually after he’d spent time at a friend’s house. Brian liked being mothered and Chris was thankful he had Jamie in his life to occasionally fill the role.

Sheesh. One time in bed and you’ve already got her mothering Brian.

He could dream.

“I don’t sleep around,” she said.

He looked down and found her studying his face. “I’m not surprised.”

“You were frowning. Like you were thinking of regrets.” She lifted her head. “No regrets here.”

“None here. I was thinking about Brian.”

She relaxed, resting her chin on his chest, and smiled. “I can’t wait to meet him. Jamie talked nonstop about him.”

Relief flowed through him. “He’s a good kid.”

“Violet is, too. It’s just been rough for her since her grandmother died. I really relied on my mother-in-law to help me raise Violet once my husband passed. Sometimes . . .”

Chris waited, not liking the way her eyes had saddened. “Sometimes what?”

“I often worry that I blew it with Violet by concentrating on my career. Kids have only one childhood. Maybe Violet and I would be closer, and she wouldn’t have had the issues she did if I had been there more for her.”

“She adores you.”

“She’s my heart. But I feel that I let her down by always being gone. There was always school or tests or work to be done. I couldn’t have done it without help.”

“Did her grandmother love her? And give her attention?”

“Absolutely. They were quite the pair. Sometimes I was jealous of their relationship.”

“Then she had a terrific childhood. There’s nothing wrong in doing what you need for yourself. Kids are resilient.”

The room was thick with silence.

“Were you?”

“Resilient?”

“Yes.”

Deep inside his memories a small door slowly opened. He kept it closed at all times, not wanting to face the pain that rushed out when he peeked inside. He held his breath, waiting for the anxiety to sweep through him. Nothing happened.

He looked closer, feeling a layer of invisible armor, a detachment that allowed him to analyze and tell Gianna the truth.

“It ripped me to pieces. It was only because I had the other kids to talk to that I managed to put myself back together. The real Chris and I were the oldest. We took it upon ourselves to console the other children. But once they were gone, it was only Chris and me. Dozens of times we dragged each other back from a very dark abyss. Luckily, when one of us was down, the other was usually sane enough to talk him back up.”

“I think that’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard.”

“Don’t pity me.” He said it gently, but steel laced his words.

“I pity the child you once were.”

He laughed harshly. “I’m not certain I ever was a child.”

“Then I mourn that lost child.”

“I do, too.”

They lay in silence for a few minutes, and he waited for her to say she needed to leave. Instead she stroked his chest, her eyelashes occasionally tickling him as she blinked. Tension slowly seeped out of him. A fork had appeared in his path and he stood at it, studying both directions. His feet were fastened to the ground; it wasn’t his decision. He already knew which path he wanted, but he wouldn’t take that first step until she said so.

“My life flipped upside down today,” Gianna said slowly. “I should be in a ball with the covers over my head.” She lifted her head and planted her chin in his chest to look at him. “I’m not.”

“Maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“Maybe.”

His phone started to vibrate, and he crawled out of bed to grab his jeans off the floor, sliding the phone out of his pocket. Michael. He grinned at the screen, briefly wishing he were the type of guy who didn’t mind sharing details of his sex life. “Hey.”

“Chris? Holy fuck, he shot Jamie!”

“What?” Chris stiffened. Jamie?

“Violet’s gone,” Michael blurted. “Oh, my God. He took Violet!” Multiple voices shouted in the background.

Chris froze, his stomach dropping to his toes.

“What?” Vomit soured in the back of his throat.

“I don’t know if Jamie’s going to make it.” His brother’s voice cracked. “And Violet . . . they don’t know anything!”