“Then maybe I should put on a snowsuit,” I suggested, his arms again closed around me as he burst out laughing and rolled me to my back.

Then he lifted up, his hand coming to my face to trail lightly along my skin but his eyes didn’t leave mine.

“Best birthday ever,” he murmured.

My belly melted, my arms snaked around him and I whispered, “Oh, honey.”

His hand quit trailing, slid into my hair and he shared, “Even before Carl came into my life, Mom did her best, every year. Went all out. Got some of her girls to help. Carl was there, got even better. But this was the best.”

Suddenly, my nose started stinging, this meant so much to me I whispered in a fierce whisper, “Good. I’m glad. That’s what I wanted to give to you. That’s what I wanted for you. And since I found out Wednesday that today was your birthday, I’ve been in a panic because I had no idea what to do to make it special for you. So I’m glad I figured it out and could give it to you.”

“Jesus, f**k, f**k me,” he whispered back, his eyes blazing into mine.

“I love you, Knight.” I kept whispering then my lips quirked and went on, “And the good news is, it’s barely even your birthday. You have birthday breakfast, birthday lunch and birthday dinner to look forward to. I have it all planned and I did a whopper of a grocery shop so the food’s already here. And I’ll be making you a homemade cake, not that store bought thing I brought into your study. I got that just so the presentation would be good. And since it’s Sunday and I have you all day, you have me all day, wherever you want, whenever you want, whatever you want to do to me.”

I was so busy laying it out, I didn’t notice his reaction to it until his hand slid into my hair, fisted and his mouth came to mine.

“Shut up, Anya,” he rumbled.

“Okay,” I breathed, staring into his heated eyes.

“You need to sleep because I’m gonna eat your birthday breakfast, lunch, dinner and cake and I’m gonna do you in all the ways I can think of doin’ you and you need to be prepared.”

“Oh…” it was unsteady and remained unsteady when I finished, “kay.”

His fist in my hair relaxed and he went back half an inch.

“Love you, babe.”

“And I love you, honey.”

“No,” he stated firmly, his eyes locked to mine, “love you, babe.”

Oh God.

Oh God.

I sucked in breath to make my nose stop stinging (again!) and then I slid a hand to his chest, up, feeling the hair abrasive, yet awesome, against my skin until it was up with fingers curled around his jaw.

Then I whispered, “And I… love you… honey.”

He dropped his head and kissed me, wet and sweet. Then he lifted it up, reached across me to my nightstand to turn out my light. He rolled to his to turn that out. Then he rolled back to me and curved his body into mine, his arm wrapped tight around my belly, tucking me close.

I sighed, snuggled deeper and relaxed into him.

My eyelids were drooping when he called softly, “Babe?”

“Yeah?”

His hand slid up and curled tight around my breast. My eyelids drooped for a different reason.

“You go out again, don’t care where or with who, without a man on you, it’s the cane.”

Oh my.

“Get me?” he asked.

“Got you,” I whispered.

“No joke, babe.”

“Okay, Knight.”

His hand relaxed but didn’t move.

My body relaxed too.

Then I murmured, “’Night, honey. Happy birthday.”

“Shut up and go to sleep, babe,” was his reply.

I giggled.

Then about two minutes later, I did what I was told.

Chapter Fifteen

Fuck Monster

It was a sunny day but hazy. The bright green grass, fluttering insects, dripping willows and daisies dotting the lawn looked like they were seen through a filtered lens on a camera.

I lifted the delicate china cup and sipped my tea.

“You never pay attention.”

My head jerked and sitting with me at the table with an elaborate tea service on it, a tiered plate of perfectly decorated petit fours was my aunt. Her lined, sneering face was topped with a huge, wide brimmed, heavily decorated, absurd hat.

“What?” I asked.

“You never pay attention, Anya,” she snapped. “Look around. What do you see?”

I looked around then looked at her.

“Beauty,” I answered.

“Trash, Anya, it’s trash, you’re trash,” she leaned across the table, slamming her own tea cup down and hissed, “he’s trash.”

Then everything melted and she was sitting in her preposterous hat and all around her was tall, steaming, reeking piles of hideous trash.

* * * * *

I jerked awake, my eyes opening and I pulled in a breath thinking in that split second I hoped I didn’t wake Knight. He seriously hated it when I had a bad dream.

Since I was pressed to his side, head resting on his chest and his arm was around me, this hope was dashed quickly and I knew it when his arm got tight.

“Anya,” he growled, sleepy, sexy, rough and annoyed.

“I’m okay,” I whispered.

Nothing.

Then, “I change my mind, I’m glad that motherfucker bled out in the yard.”

Oh boy.

“What was this one about?” he asked.

The room was dark. I knew it was late since it was summer so dawn kissed Knight’s apartment early. But Knight had told me weeks ago that he wanted me to talk out each dream, thinking if I let it go, they’d eventually let go of me.

So far, this wasn’t working.

“It’s still dark, let’s go back to sleep,” I whispered.

“I won’t ask again.”

I sighed then I told him quickly about tea, filtered lenses, my aunt, her hat and trash.

“That f**kin’ cunt,” he grumbled, “follows you in your dreams.”

“I’m okay.”

Nothing, but his arm was still tight.

“Honey, seriously. I’m used to this. I’ve been having them for years,” I assured.

“We’re gonna see about you stoppin’ having them.”

Finally I lifted my head and looked at his shadowed face. “I’m used to them, sweetheart. But it bugs me that I wake you. Maybe I should sleep –”