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“What for?” My lips parted from confusion.
“I’m not the hero.”
“You saved me.”
His head clipped from side to side. He didn’t move, but I felt him retreating even further. “I’m the bad guy. Don’t you get it?”
“What kind of bad guy saves people?”
“The kind like me. I didn’t do it out of the goodness in my heart.” A stricken look passed in his eyes. “I didn’t give a shit about anyone until you came to school. I didn’t care about any girl, any friend, or even my own family members.
“People hurt people. That was my motto. Everyone and anyone deserved what was coming to them, but you came to school, and all of that went away for me. You were good. You are good. It would’ve been the worst goddamn thing to happen. You matter. Your life. Your soul. Your heart. Everything about you matters: the breath you breathe, the tears you cry, the smiles you give, the sound of your laughter, how your mind thinks, the values you hold dear.” He was fierce. “They don’t matter, Justin and Edmund. You gave. They took. They hurt. You heal. You are worth both of them, a thousand times over. You, Jordan. You are worthier than anyone I know, including me. You are pure. You don’t use people. You don’t have hidden agendas. You don’t misuse your friendships. That’s all I saw while growing up, until you. What you say, you mean. There is nothing hidden with you. You are good.”
I frowned, gazing up at him.
“Edmund was evil, but I’m still a bad guy. I just hurt someone who was worse than me. That’s all I did that day. I can’t let you turn me into some hero that I’m not.”
“Stop.” My head was buzzing. “So what if you’ve done bad things? So what if you were a shitty person at some point in your life? That doesn’t define you. You did a good thing. Saving my life, that was good. Don’t twist that. Please.” My chest was aching. “If you say that wasn’t a good thing, then what am I? If you cheapen what you did, you cheapen me. Don’t you see that?”
His mouth opened, but no sound came out. His eyebrows furrowed together.
I was good.
Saving me was good.
Therefore, that made him good.
It was so simple in my mind. I didn’t want that taken away from him or me.
I choked out, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier about the interview. It happened so fast. I just wanted a chance at a normal life.”
“My publicist told me.” Some of the intensity lessened a bit, and he gave me a rueful grin, raking his hand through his hair. “She thought you were going to throw me under the bus.”
“What?” I started to shake my head. Never.
He nodded, stopping me. “I know, and it was a good move. You needed your message to be out there. I get it. But when they find out that we’re together…” he started, holding off.
My stomach churned. I knew what he was saying. “I’ve worried about the same thing.”
“What then?”
“What we are isn’t—” But I was wrong. It was their business. I’d just gone on national television and projected how it was. We were no longer just the two of us. “Maybe we could—”
“You told your story,” he said.
I held his gaze, frowning slightly.
He added, inclining his head toward me, “Maybe we could tell our story now?” He gestured from me to him. “That is, if we have one?”
My tongue was heavy, lying on the bottom of my mouth. Oh, yes, we had a story. It was one that I couldn’t quit reading, no matter how hard I tried.
“Tell people that we’re—” I stopped.
This was it. This was the talk.
My cheeks were hot now, but I had to say it, “That we’re together?” I wanted to avert my eyes, but I didn’t. I held fast and watched him back.
He nodded, his rueful grin slipping to something intimate, one that started an excited flutter in my stomach. “We are, if you want us to be?”
“I do,” I blurted out.
“Good.” His shoulders lifted, as if a weight had disappeared. “I want that, too.”
“You do?”
He moved toward me, and his hand touched the side of my face. He tilted my head back, his eyes so tender. “Being with you last night was the best night I had ever had.”
“Really?”
He leaned down, so his forehead was resting on mine. He gently moved his head up and down, rocking me with him. “Yes. And it meant more than you could ever imagine.” His hand dropped and rested over my heart. “I don’t know when it happened, but I fell for you.”
My heart clenched.
He said, “I was angry that day because Justin wanted you back, but I wanted a chance with you. I didn’t want him to take it from me. I saw Edmund hurting you then, and I blacked out.”
I reached up and grabbed his hand, my fingers curling around it. “You testified in court—”
“I know.” His forehead was heavily resting on mine. “I told the court exactly what happened. I saw you, went in there, and all I thought about was saving your life. That’s what I said, and to an extent, that’s what I remember. I didn’t testify that I wanted to kill him. When I kicked open the door and saw his knife on your throat, I knew I would use it against him.” His eyes held mine. “He was going to take your life, so I took his instead. I’m still a murderer. You can’t pretty that up.”