That was when I clued in. I asked, “You guys are videotaping the interview?”

They were a newspaper. I hadn’t considered why cameras were there, but I was now. They didn’t usually videotape their big interviews.

“Yeah. With this one, we are. We’re doing a normal interview, meaning that we’re going to write it up, but Susan wants to see if a video would bring in more revenue.” Her head moved close again, and she whispered, “Personally, I think she wants to shop it around and see if we can get on a big network and have them show it.”

“And Kian’s team was okay with that?”

Erica lifted a shoulder, riveted, as Kian was shown to one of the chairs. Susan was standing by the next one—touching his arm, smiling at him, laughing, leaning closer to him, showing the side of her boob to him. I was gritting my teeth before I’d realized it.

Erica answered me.

I registered her voice but not her words.

Kian was smiling back at Susan—or that was how it looked to everyone else.

My eyes sharpened. I saw the flatness in his eyes, and they began scanning the room, moving from person to person. He was looking for me. Realization flooded my body, warming it, and before I knew it, tingles were shooting through me as well. They started low in my stomach, but I felt them spread all the way to the back of my throat. He couldn’t see me in the far back, and my feet started moving of their own accord. I went to the outskirts of the crowd. Erica was next to me, holding tightly to my elbow. I was just as engrossed with Kian as she was.

Then, he saw me.

His eyes warmed.

There was no other change on his face. He was still smiling at whatever Susan was saying, but without a doubt, I knew that he wasn’t paying her attention. All his focus was on me, and he saw the envelope in my hand. His eyes darkened even more. An alarm started going off in the back of my mind, but I ignored it. It felt right to be standing there as he was about to be interviewed and having him just as captivated with me as I was with him.

I stepped back, jarring myself from the staring spell, and I looked away. No one was paying attention to me, except for Kian. Even that small bit of looking at each other shouldn’t have happened. This was wrong. I shouldn’t be here. We were going to be discovered—no, I was going to be discovered.

I started for the door, but Erica tightened her hold on my arm.

“Where are you going?” she hissed under her breath.

“I…”

Kian was still watching me. A flicker of concern showed in his eyes, and he stopped smiling at Susan. She would notice and then look for the reason of his attention. The room was suddenly so hot, and I started panting. I couldn’t catch my breath. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead. I felt the room starting to blur at the edges of my vision.

I had to get out of here.

“I…” My throat wasn’t working.

“You can’t leave.” She firmly held me.

Her feet were like cement, holding me in place. “Jo! What are you doing? You’re bailing on me.”

“I…” I was going to pass out. I felt it coming. I shoved her away and unlinked our arms. “I’m sorry, Erica. I have to go.”

I didn’t think about where I was going.

I was in the elevator and pressing the button for the ninth floor before I could catch my breath. There were others in the elevator with me. When I stumbled out on the ninth floor, I bent over and took gaping breaths. I was alone, for the moment, but I knew someone might come along at any moment. Someone from the paper could be coming after me.

I couldn’t linger, so I found room 914. Once inside, I blasted the air conditioner and stood over it. I didn’t pay attention to the room. I needed cold air on my face. I needed to calm down. My God, what if someone had been paying me attention? Or worse, since all eyes had been on Kian and he’d been focused on me, someone could’ve noticed and then started to wonder why he was staring at me with such intensity.

And if Erica found out, I’d lose her. I’d lose Wanker, too. They never questioned my lies, so they were my only friends I’d held on to. All others had been let go. If people got too close, they would want to know too much.

I was so stupid.

No.

I was reckless.

And it was all to see Kian again, all to just be around him.

This was wrong. This was dangerous. No more visits.

As I started to calm down, I sat down on a chair and wiped the tears from my face. My legs were still trembling.

My head folded into my lap, and I let the tears free. I was soon sobbing. I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to stop myself. I sank to the floor and curled my arms around my knees, hugging them to my chest.

I still wept.

I’d stopped living the lie for one moment. That was why I had gone to see him—because I could be Jordan Emory again, not Jo Keen. For a split second, I’d stopped feeling like I was hiding.

I was fooling myself.

The nation loved him, and they would turn on me. It’d happened over and over again. Victims would get blamed, and the public already blamed me. It’d happen again.

This thing I was doing with him—meeting him on the roof, then meeting him again, and then seeing him at my roommate’s interview—had to stop.

Kian had to cease to exist for me again.

I wanted to stay in that room.

The longer I did, the more I thought Kian would come find me. I wanted that, and being in a room that was a secret between us, it was hurting me to write the letter that I did.