More, he and Chace were very close. Jacob was super happy that Chace was happy. And he was the kind of man who enjoyed sharing that kind of thing with someone he cared about.

That thought also hit me in the chest.

“Faye says that kid’s the apple of his eye,” Krystal kept talking. “Says it’s cute, how he is with little Jake. Now, we all know, nothin’ about Deck is cute, but I figure that’d be all kinds of cute, that big man bonding with a little baby. He has that with his best friend’s kid, what’s he gonna give your family?”

It was then, the vision of Jacob holding the newborn Jake, completely consumed by the child he held so gently in his strapping arms, hit me, which delivered another blow to the sternum and I was again finding it hard to breathe.

It’d been beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

Until later that night when he’d lifted his head, looked in my eyes and told me he wanted to build a life with me.

“My advice,” Krystal cut into my thoughts. “Do not make any decisions about ending things. Do not make any declarations about anything. He’s gone four days. You take four days to think on the man you got in your bed. How he looks at you. How he treats you. How, honest to God, there are not many good men out there. How he is with little Jake. How you got that rambling wreck of a house and how it’d come alive, filled with babies. And you reconsider.”

“Krys,” Lauren again said warningly, and Krystal’s eyes shot to her.

“Am I wrong?”

Lauren held her gaze then she looked at me. “She’s not, you know.”

“I—” I started, but Lauren darted her hand out and took hold of mine.

“Like Krys says, no decisions, no declarations. Four days and you take that time to think. If it really isn’t you, okay. If it’s something else, explore that. If you have some issue with carrying a baby, then consider adoption or surrogacy. If it’s something deeper and you can’t talk with Deck about it, you call me, Krystal, Faye, whoever, and chat. We won’t say anything to anybody. And we’ll listen.”

She gave my hand a squeeze and looked deep in my eyes, hers searching, and she kept going but this time softly.

“But Krys is only mostly right. My experience, but that’s only been lately, is that there are good men out there and that number is not limited. But that doesn’t mean they’re easy to find, easy to get or easy to keep.” Another hand squeeze then, “That also doesn’t mean you have to give up bits of yourself to get them. Give into something you don’t want that will change the course of your life to keep them. But it does mean you need to think very hard about any decision that will affect your future with them.”

Like Jacob that morning, my vision of her was swimming when she was done talking and I whispered, “Girl posses are awesome.”

The blurry vision of Lauren smiled.

“They’re about to get awesomer because we’re bringin’ in sandwiches, we’re gettin’ some of Shambles’s cakes from La-La Land and you’re drinkin’ yourself stinkin’ drunk with your girls,” Krystal declared.

I blinked my tears away, looked to her, gave her a wobbly smile and she went on.

“You’re trashed, Bubba’ll drive your car while Laurie or me drive you home. So you’re covered. Food. Booze. Company. And a safe way home. Now settle in, girl, we’re about to perform the initiation ceremony.”

My wobbly smile got stronger.

She didn’t smile at me.

She poured more vodka in my shot glass.

When it was full, I took it and threw it back.

* * *

Five hours later…

When I got home I went straight to my computer in the library.

I dumped my bag and turned my computer on.

I wasn’t exactly drunk, seeing as I’d switched to beer and sipping, and sandwiches turned into pizza later. Still, I was in no state to drive, so Krystal brought me home with Bubba driving Persephone (and complaining, with a hint of teasing but more grumpiness, about my “Free to Fly” butterfly on my rearview mirror, proving Jacob right about the whole Bronco thing).

As the computer came on, my eyes wandered to the wallpaper and my mind wandered to the fact that I really needed to do something about it. There wasn’t much of it but it was seriously ugly. The walls would look better stripped, even if it would likely take a year and a half to cover them with something better.

On this thought, my phone in my purse rang.

I pulled it out and saw it said “Jacob calling.”

That punch in the chest came back.

I took the call and put the phone to my ear.

“Hey, honey,” I said quietly.

“Hey, baby,” he replied in the same tone. “You have an okay day?”

“Well, my hair looks fabulous so it’s a shame you’re missing it. But having it done in the proximity of Bubba’s meant I didn’t come home and waste it on fitting drywall patches over exposed wire. Instead, I shared it with Krystal, Lauren, Bubba, a really nice guy named Jim-Billy and the clientele of a biker bar.”

There was a smile in his voice when he replied, “It’s good you didn’t let that go to waste.”

I liked the sound of that smile and I loved him.

I loved him.

I again closed my eyes tight, opened them and stated conversationally, “I had a good gab with Krystal and Lauren.”

He knew what I was saying.

I knew this when he hesitated before replying, “That’s good, Emme.”

“We’ll talk when you get home,” I whispered.

Another hesitation, this one heavy before he came back to me, his deep voice holding a hint of relief, and God, God, I might have even heard hope when he said, “Okay, honey.”

“Okay,” I replied, sat up straighter, cleared my throat and asked, “Your day okay?”

“It just got better.”

Yet again, I closed my eyes.

His voice came back to me and I opened them.

“Do my best to get this shit done early so I can get back to my girl.”

“That’d be good.”

“Hang on,” he said, suddenly distracted. I hung on and half a minute later, he told me, “Gotta go, babe. Sorry. In the middle of something. Thought I had time. I don’t.”

“Okay, honey.”

“I’ll call tomorrow.”

“Right.”

“Have a good night, sleep well, baby.”

“You too, Jacob. Later.”

“Later, babe.”

He disconnected.

I put my phone on the desk, stared at it and lost sight of it when the image of Jacob holding little Jake filled my head.

I shook my head to clear it and looked at the computer. I logged in and pulled up Outlook.

Then I sent a message to Harvey.

It had been a while since we had a visit, and with Jacob gone, it was a golden opportunity.

But more, Harvey had lived a tough life. He’d made mistakes. He’d paid for them. He knew me. And he was wise.

So I wanted to talk to him about Jacob, about where we were, get his thoughts, see if they matched Krystal and Lauren’s. Then I was going to do what the girls advised I do.

Think very hard about a decision that would affect my future with Jacob.

My email to Harvey included me asking if he was free for a visit the next day. After it was sent, I wandered around doing normal things. Setting up the coffeemaker to make coffee for the morning. Putting away the clean dishes in my dishwasher. Going back to the computer to sort through emails that had come in.

While I was doing that, Harvey emailed back.

Always have time for you, Emme. How about noon? I’ll give you lunch. Drive safely.

I replied that I’d bring dessert, finished with my other emails and shut down my machine.

* * *

Fifteen hours later…

I parked on Broadway in Denver.

I was early.

I was early because I hadn’t slept great, thus was wide awake and ready to face the day at a God-awful hour. With nothing to occupy my mind except things I didn’t want occupying it, I decided to hit the road.

Harvey was expecting me at noon, which meant I had time to stop at Fortnum’s Used Books to get a coffee. When I lived in Denver, I went there all the time because the coffee was sublime. But also because it was just a cool place where you just wanted to hang. And the staff were hilarious.

I jumped down from the Bronco, cleared the door, my hand to it to slam it shut, my eyes moving the quarter of a block to the door to Fortnum’s that opened at a diagonal to the street corner.

I stopped dead.

And I stopped breathing.

But my heart started bleeding.

This was because Jacob was coming out of Fortnum’s, white paper coffee cup in his hand.

And with him was Elsbeth.

My hand clutched the edge of my door so hard it bit into my flesh as I stared, shocked, disbelieving, eviscerated, as they stopped on the corner.

Jacob looked down at her and gave her a small grin.

Already shredded, more pieces of me were torn away.

Elsbeth looked up at Jacob and returned his grin with a radiant smile.