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Page 54
Page 54
“A little. Standing on the boat makes it seem more substantial.”
It’s a clear day, though. Not a rain cloud in sight. Storms are a different story.
He was making such a sweet effort to allay her fears that she kept silent.
“What else do you worry about?” Brendan asked against her ear.
Piper shrugged but didn’t answer. One wrong move, and they could veer into dangerous territory. Maybe she should make another Little Mermaid reference—
“Piper.”
“Oh yes?”
“What else do you worry about?”
Her sigh allowed the truth to sneak up her throat, but she played it off like her concern was minor. When it was definitely not. In fact, she was starting to think it was the kernel center of the whole piece of popcorn. “I’m not, um . . . built for this whole worrying business, Brendan. Keeping the home fires burning. Wrapping a cardigan around my shoulders and pacing the docks, clutching a locket or something? Does that sound like me? No. You know I’m too high maintenance for that. I’m . . .”
He stayed quiet, just held her.
Which was bad, because she started to ramble.
“You know. Just hypothetically speaking. Once a year, you go out to catch crab, sure. But all the time? Going to bed thinking you might not come back, night after night? Uh-uh. I’m not . . .” She squeezed her eyes closed. “I’m not strong enough for that.”
“Yes, you are. I know it asks a lot, but yes, you are.”
“No. I’m not. Not every woman can do this. She—” Ugh. Piper rolled her eyes at herself. How truly pathetic she was being, bringing up another woman. But as soon as the words started to flow, a pressure in her chest started to lessen, like a brick had been sitting on top of it. “You had a fisherman’s wife. She was born here, and this was normal to her. You can’t really expect me to live up to that. I will . . .” Disappoint you. Disappoint myself. Disappoint Henry. “A little less than a month ago, I had no responsibilities. No worries. And now, now . . . this huge one. It’s huge. This guy I care about a lot, like, a lot, has the most dangerous job in the universe. And I don’t have a job at all. I don’t even live here. Not permanently. Like, we are not a fit, Brendan. It won’t work, so stop—”
“Stop what, Piper? Thinking about you every second of the day? Missing you so much I climb the fucking walls? Stop being hungry for you? I can’t turn any of that off and I don’t want to.” When he turned Piper around, she saw he was visibly concerned by what she’d revealed. Well, welcome to the party, bucko. “Okay, let’s start from the beginning. We’re going to talk about my marriage. Not how she died, but what it was like.”
She took a breath. “I don’t know if I want to.”
“Can you trust me, honey? I’m just trying to get to the light. Get to you.” He waited for her nod, then did that wide-stance, settling-in thing and crossed his arms. As if letting her know he was immovable. “I knew Desiree my whole life, but not well. She was a girl a year above me in school. Quiet. I didn’t really get to know her until I started working for Mick. Right around the time my parents moved out of town, he took me under his wing and became kind of a . . . guide. He showed me this thing I love. Fishing. How to do it well. And over time, I guess she became family, too. I never felt . . .” He lowered his voice. “There wasn’t an attraction like I have for you. I’m not just talking about sex. We were friends, in a way. She was always trying to meet her father’s expectations, and so was I, after he gave me the Della Ray. He obviously thought we’d make a good match, so I asked her out, and I think . . . both of us just wanted to make Mick happy. That’s what we had in common. So we just went through the motions, even when it didn’t feel right. When she died, I kept the ring on, kept my vows, to keep him healed as much as possible. Then you showed up, Piper. Then you. And it felt wrong having ever given those vows to anyone else.
“Was she strong? Was she comfortable waving off me and Mick every time we left the harbor? Yeah. I guess she was. But she had decades to get there. It’s been a month for you, Piper. Less, if you count the time we spent pretending we didn’t want each other. So that comparison is unfair. You’re unfair to yourself.”
There was no doubt Brendan believed everything he was saying. And it was hard not to believe him, too, when he stood a foot above her, a sea captain in his domain with a voice full of conviction. He was huge in that moment. So intense she had to remind herself to breath. Was she happy his marriage hadn’t been full of passion? No. This man deserved that. So had Desiree. But that part of his life had been a shadowy corner, and it helped to have the mysterious aspects of it gone. “Thank you for telling me.”
“I’m not done.”
“Wow. Once you get going, there’s no slowing you down.”
Brendan stepped closer, seized her by the elbows. “Last night, you said a couple of things that bothered me, and now we’re going to work through those.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead, her nose, her mouth. “Don’t ever tell me again there are a thousand others like you, because that’s the biggest pile of bullshit I’ve ever heard. And someday, trust me, I hope I meet the person who told you that. A person doesn’t rebuild a legacy for a dead man unless they have character and can accept responsibilities.” He kissed her temple hard. “Last night, I watched you in the bar, how you immediately made everyone your best friend. Made them count. And do you know what it meant to me having you show up at the hospital?” He didn’t speak for a moment. “You have perseverance, character, and a huge heart. I think you might still be finding your way, but so am I. Me and my stupid routines. I thought I had it all figured out until you made me start breaking them. I want to keep breaking them with you.”
As he’d been speaking, Piper had turned into a limp linguini noodle in his arms. The tip of her nose was red, and she had to blink up at the sky to keep from tearing up. Warmth and a sense of belonging reached all the way down to her toes, curling them in her ballet flats. “This is a lot to process,” she whispered.
“I understand—”
“I mean, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend now. I guess you got what you wanted.”
A rush of his breath passed over the crown of her head. His arms were crushing her to that burly chest now. “Damn right I did.” A beat passed. “About you going back to LA . . .”
“Can we put that one part off?” She pressed her nose to the collar of his shirt and inhaled his centering scent. “Just for now?”
He sighed, but she felt him nod. “Yeah. For now.”
They stayed like that for a little while, Piper locked in the safety of his embrace while the boat carried high and low on the ocean, sunbeams warming her back.
He’d given her a lot to think about. Maybe it was time to examine herself. Or, more importantly, how she viewed herself. But one thing she didn’t have to overthink was making these moments with Brendan count.
She kissed his chin and eased back, lacing their fingers together and enjoying the way his gaze meandered down the front of her body. “Do I get the rest of the tour?”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat and pulled her back in the direction of the wheelhouse. “Come on.”