“Look at him,” she continued, hopelessly. “Bad attitude, barely smiles, keeping secrets from me… He comes home with blood on his shirt, and that’s not the first time either.”

“It wasn’t his fault tonight. He saved me,” I blurted out. “I got attacked at the motel by some drunk.”

She looked at me horrified. “I told you that part of town is unsafe–”

“I didn’t think anything would happen to me.”

“That’s always the way, isn’t it? No one ever does, and then they die and wind up dumped in some back alley.” Clearly irritated at me, she shook her head. “Did he kill him?”

The words sent a shock through my system. “I-I don’t know. He sent a guy over.”

She nodded, fully aware and undisturbed by this news. “Well, then, we might as well just assume so.” With a heavy exhale, she stood up and wrapped her arms around me. “As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters.” She pulled back and gave me a light kiss on the forehead. “I love you, Sara. Get some rest, okay?”

Too speechless to open my mouth, I just nodded.

Seventeen

After Lucinda left me, I had a long, hot shower. I sat on the tiled ground, letting the water flow endlessly down my body. You’d have thought I’d boycott water altogether after tonight, but having a shower was different. It was a time of reflection for me. I looked fresh when I stepped out even though it was the last thing I felt.

I changed back into my bum clothes, grabbed my phone and crawled into bed, setting it down on the night table. My lids ached from exhaustion, and for once I didn’t have to force myself to stop thinking a million different things before I drifted off into sleep.

*****

The sound of the door creaking open woke me up. I hated being such a light sleeper. I looked at the large figure in the doorway, and blinked again to clear the fogginess. With the light streaming through the doorway, I watched Jaxon set my suitcase down beside my bed. Still inside, he shut the door and walked to the bathroom paying absolutely no attention to me.

He disappeared inside and then I heard the shower start. I rubbed my eyes, waking myself up as I lay there for five minutes wondering why the hell he was showering in what was meant to be my room for the night. The shower went off and a moment later the door swung open. He walked out naked and soaking wet and dived straight into my bed. I jumped to the side, caught off guard by his close proximity.

“What are you doing?” I asked in an unusually high voice.

“Going to sleep,” he answered as he sorted through the covers, yanking some off of me so that he had an equal share of them.

“But… But I’m sleeping in here.”

“You sure are.”

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked over at him. My eyes adjusted in the darkness and I was able to see his face well. His eyes were closed, and he was wriggling a bit, trying to find a comfortable position against the pillow, resting finally with his back against the mattress and an arm over his face.

“Why are you in here?”

“I’m trying to sleep, Sara. It’s late.”

“I’m aware that you’re trying to sleep, Jaxon, but why are you sleeping here with me?”

“I have a preference for this room. It…soothes me.” I didn’t have to see the grin on his face to know what a crock of bullshit that was.

“Fine. I’ll go sleep somewhere else.” I barely made it an inch before his hand gripped my arm tightly. I looked over at him, and his eyes were opened and trained on me. There was a look that even in the darkness made my heart beat faster. Where did he learn to be so intimidating?

“No,” he said firmly, “you’ll stay here.”

I didn’t reply. I looked away from him, removed – quite forcefully –my arm from his grip and turned to my side, back against him. I grabbed the cell phone from the night table and looked at the time. I’d been asleep for two hours and it felt like two seconds, and though I was still tired, I was extremely aware of his presence and it filled me with a mixture of feelings: excited at being so close to him; confused as to why he wanted to sleep with me literally; angry that he could be so demanding and that I so willingly obeyed; and fear because there were new parts of him that were dark and unpredictable.

I could hear his steady breathing, and every slight movement he made on the bed. I couldn’t sleep now that he was so close. This is what I dreamed about, wasn’t it? Only reality was a whole other thing, high lighting what a naïve person I’d been to think that the world had somehow frozen in Jaxon’s life and that he hadn’t changed. I mean, I had changed completely. Why didn’t I think he might have, too?

Lucinda’s words chilled me to the bone. How could she be so casual about it, asking me if her son had killed a man? I mean… had he killed others? Was I sleeping next to a murderer? Fuck, this was too freaky for me. I wished I was in the safety of Winthrop, in bed with Daniel instead, only caring about the food I’d eat the next day and what flick I wanted to see at the movies. Those used to be my pathetically simple dilemmas in life.

Exhaling unsteadily, I opened my mouth and whispered, “Did you kill him?” I regretted saying it right away, mainly for what it would mean if he answered yes.

I felt a little movement from his side, and I imagined him looking at me. Or maybe he was glaring, who the hell knew with this Jaxon nowadays? The glare seemed to be his look.

“Why do you want to know?” His voice was surprisingly soft.

“Because I want to know.”

“What would you get out of knowing, Sara?”

“I’d understand a little bit about you.” How badly you’ve changed. What you’re capable of. But I didn’t say those things out loud.

This made him quiet for a moment. Then he said, “What would you have done to a guy who was about to rape and murder a defenceless person?”

“Call the cops.”

He chuckled louder this time. “You don’t know the good ol’ law system in Gosnells. Cops are as crooked as the criminals on the street, babe.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Yeah, okay…babe.”

I turned my body around to face him. Yep, he was wearing his glare, and I half expected him to shoot venom at me out of those sexy ass lips of his.