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Hmm, how would I describe that? I obviously cared about Daniel despite our little arrangement. He put that extra smile on my face, and when we slept together he wasn’t selfish about it. There was a lustful passion between us. We clicked well, even outside of the bed we got along like a house on fire.

Maybe that’s why I felt so out of it. I hadn’t had my needs met last night. Was I growing clingy to him? I had the urge to call him up and ask him how he was doing, maybe even take him up on that offer to come down. He would be the best company right about now. Only I couldn’t bring myself to do it. We’d been playing this song and dance for two years, and he hadn’t once brought up wanting anything more. Why would I think that would suddenly change? Then again, I told myself, I’d never brought it up either.

I was in a haze of thoughts, and my legs were on auto-pilot. I was out of the toilets and walking steadily past the many shops inside the centre, ignoring people’s happy smiles as they carried on with their lives. I idly wondered if any of them had a shitty upbringing like me. Did they get beaten by their alcoholic father while their mother watched on, intoxicated herself, and unwilling to intervene? How would they take the news of the passing of a parent they barely knew who had suddenly made all these life altering changes and never once reached out to their kid in the process?

I was trying to delay the trip to my mother’s house, so I walked endlessly up and down the shopping centre, pretending to look interested at the clothes on mannequins that were way out of my price range. I killed an hour this way before my legs grew weak and decided to get back to my car. I stepped out into the autumn air, head down, watching my feet move in the direction of my car when I heard a familiar voice call out from behind me. It didn’t hit me until the third time my name had been heard. I stopped, confused, assuming there was probably another Sara around. The name is pretty common after all.

“Sara! Behind you!”

I whipped around and all breath escaped my lungs in a hurry as I stared at Lucinda hurriedly walking down the parking lot to me.

No fucking way!

Everything in my body screamed to run away, but I couldn’t help the excitement roaring inside of me at seeing her for the first time in five years. My memory of her hadn’t done any justice. She was radiating with a beauty that was so remarkably preserved, it was like she hadn’t aged at all. Her blonde hair with chestnut brown highlights was pulled back into a neat bun. She wore a pair of jeans that hugged her motherly hips, and a pink and white striped thin sweater under a green stylish jacket. Of course she pulled it all off with her high, brown leather boots.

“I can’t believe it!” She wrapped her arms around my frame and pulled me tightly to her chest as she laughed joyously. “I saw you leave a clothing store and I thought to myself, ‘No, that can’t be Sara, not my Sara.’ I followed you out, and when I saw those brown eyes and those big pouty lips, I just knew! Oh, I just knew it was you! My Sara!” She was still hugging me tightly to her, half her face into my hair as she rocked us from side to side. Then she pulled back, hands resting on my each shoulder and looked me up and down with a smile that went from ear to ear. “How are you?”

“It’s really good to see you!” I choked out, gulping down the lump in my throat. “Wow! You look amazing!”

“As do you! Now answer my question, darling. How are you?”

I shrugged. “Yeah, fine. I can’t believe how good you look.”

She pursed her lips and frowned at my answer. Displeasure at my change in subject, most likely.

“Mom’s passed away,” I breathed out.

She didn’t look surprised. She just nodded. “I know. Car crash and all. I went to the funeral. I thought I’d see you there for sure. Was hoping so, anyway.”

My eyebrows shot up. “You went to her funeral?” I couldn’t contain my disbelief.

“Of course. It was all over the news. Poor thing. Glad the other driver made it out okay. It’d been raining like mad that night. I could barely get around myself. It was a beautiful memorial service at the Church. You know me, not the religious kind of gal, but I was touched deeply by those that were there for her. Which is why I’m surprised you weren’t.”

“They’d tried contacting me, but I had no phone at the time.”

“No address for them to get a hold of you?”

“Not listed, either. Moved into a different apartment a couple weeks back. Didn’t think to tell her.” Didn’t think she’d give a shit, really.

Both hands ran down my arms and held each hand. Her skin was warm and gentle, much like how I always remembered her to be.

“Let’s not talk in the middle of the parking lot. We’d be here all day. How about you come to my house and we’ll do some catching up?” Her eyes looked hopeful, but she was hesitant all the same, as if I’d reject this offer.

“Okay.”

“Great. It’s not that far at all. Did you drive here?” When I gestured to the SUV behind me, she smiled. “Oh, lovely ride, Sara. You must be doing well for yourself.”

“No, that’s not my car. I borrowed it to get here.”

“Oh, right. Well, I’m in that white Mercedes over there.” She pointed to the brand new Mercedes-Benz behind her. It was my turn to gawk and raise my brows, but I didn’t say the same line back to her. “I’ll get into that and you can follow me, okay?”

“Sure.” We parted ways. I went into my car and waited for her to start the way. My legs were restless, one knee constantly bouncing up and down as I started following her out of the lot. My mind was racing. How did she afford a brand new car like that? Either she was doing exceptionally well in her career, or she’d found someone wealthy to settle down with. I was excited at the prospect of her being with someone she loved. She deserved all the happiness in the world.

I bit the inside of my lips as I tried to rehearse the answers to the questions she was inevitably going to ask.

Why did you fall off the face of the earth and leave me broken hearted? Well, Lucinda, I’m a bitch and don’t deserve your love.

How could you leave Jaxon high and dry without so much as a goodbye? Again, Lucinda, refer to answer one. I’m a horrible bitch.

Why did you leave Jaxon, anyway? Well, I hit your son. A lot. And I had the worst anger problem in the world. Did I mention I’m a bitch?