Like my father.

“He’d taken off on her again right before she checked into rehab, but six months after she had left rehab and was on the sober wagon, he returned and tempted her back to the drink. She relapsed and instantly knew he was the toxic influence in her life. She filed for divorce and retained a restraining order. He didn’t go down without a fight and had constantly found a way to get to her, but I stopped hearing about him about two summers ago, so I assumed she’d been done with him once and for all.”

When I didn’t respond to this explanation, the Father continued. “She had come so far and was loved by many, but there was one woman who was affected the worst by her passing. Rita Martinez had been the significant change in Joanne’s life. They were very close. Rita did everything for her. Bought her things, furniture and the like, and took care of the funeral costs. She had actually intended to clear out the house, but we knew the responsibility was owed to you. You’re her daughter after all. Perhaps you should meet with Rita yourself. I can call her and arrange that for you if you like. She can give you much more information than me about your mother and the changes she had made in her life the previous four years.”

“Okay,” was my one worded reply. Nothing else could be said. This news hadn’t entirely sunk in at all. Actually, it was still on the surface trying to find a way to penetrate into my brain, but it was like digging into an ice block.

“I hope I’ve been some help. I’ll leave you to it, then. God bless, Sara.”

I hung up before he did. What.The.Fuck.

When I had somehow found the use of my legs, I decided I wasn’t going to stick around this place any longer. I needed time to think, maybe even consider pushing the responsibility onto this Rita who was apparently significant to my mother.

Why wasn’t I significant? What made this woman more special than her own daughter? Ugh, no, I needed not to think about this.

I plugged the name of the motel into the GPS when I got back to the car, and then I took the route down the opposite street to Lucinda’s house. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I slowed down in front of it. The place looked the same, and the blinds were pulled up, broadcasting to whoever walked by the living room and its occupants.

When I saw a toddler waddling from a coffee table to a couch, my heart leaped out of my chest in shock and confusion. A lightning bolt of thoughts ran through me. Was this Lucinda’s grand child? Oh, God, did he have a child? But then I saw a couple walk into a living room to join the baby and settle on the couch. It then dawned on me that Lucinda no longer lived there.

*****

So much change. Too much change. I just wanted to sleep this whole day off.

I got to the motel without a hitch, and checked myself in. On my way to my room, I passed a bearded man who ogled my chest. Any other day I might have said something bitchy, but not today.

The room was nice and clean, but the quiet wasn’t helping to distract me from what I’d learned. I lay on the twin bed and pulled out my phone and called Daniel. I’d promised I would today out of obligation because he’d asked, but now I just wanted to hear his voice.

“Sorry, but the booty call business is closed tonight,” was the first thing he said when he picked up.

I reluctantly giggled. “Have you found someone else already?”

“Couldn’t trust someone else. They might get all clingy and feely, and start talking about wanting more. Fuck, if that happened, I’d run for the hills, and how bad would that make me look?”

“Glad you care about your image rather the feelings of the poor victimized woman who wanted more.”

“I’m a lawyer, it’s kind of important to keep up a good reputation. Which is why hooking up with my secretary is fool proof.”  My next giggle had him chuckling. “How are you, Sara? I didn’t really think you’d call.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re such a fucking liar, it’s disgusting. Literally, the lie is making me sick; you’re that bad at it.”

I rolled my eyes, unable to suppress my goofy grin. “You know me too well, huh?”

“I don’t know your personal shit so much, but when it comes to you, as a person, I know you damn well, and you’re not fine. You wouldn’t have called me otherwise. You’d have texted me some piss poor excuse of why you couldn’t call and then gone to bed. So, tell me what’s up.”

“It’s not really something I want to talk about right now.”

“Then why’d you call?”

“Because I needed to hear your voice.” When he was quiet, I sighed. “Was that too feely for you?”

“No,” he responded in the gentlest tone. “You know I care about you, Sara. Did you want me to come to you and help you out? I can take a day off and see you.”

“No, I’ll be fine. Just… talk. About anything. I need a distraction right now.”

“Want me to tell you how shit the replacement secretary is?”

I laughed. “Yes, that’ll do.” I slid under the covers, brought them up to my chin, and hugged the pillow to me as I listened to him talk. He relaxed me, made me laugh, and, most importantly, he distracted me from my thoughts.

Twelve

I slept in the next morning. When I eventually managed to get my ass up, I took an abnormally long shower, and then an equally abnormally long time getting ready. I threw on a thin black knit sweater with a v neck, and then a pair of faded jeans. I looked plain with my dark hair thrown down in a wavy mess. I decided I didn’t give a fuck how I looked today. All those days at the office in tight pencil skirts and silk blouses had me longing for the lounge wear I had on now.

When I hopped behind the wheel of Daniel’s sexy ass ride, it was half past one and the last thing I wanted to do was walk through that house again. I found an excuse to deter from that route the second I drove past a second hand furniture shop. I had a light chuckle when I saw that it was parked next to the second hand clothing shop Lucinda used to take me to. It was good to know that business had survived and was actually thriving judging by the crowd of people inside.

Before I entered the shop, I texted Lexi with a: Call me on your next break, bitch.

Unlike me, Lexi accomplished her law degree and was now a law advisor at a large firm in the city. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous, but that part of me was small, quiet and unprovoked. I felt overall happy for her. She was the sister I never had, and the last seven years our inseparability had not lessened at all. It’s pretty impressive when you’ve spent five years living with someone and not felt the desire to choke the life out of them...most of the time.