Author: Olivia Cunning

“She’s probably burned it to the ground by now. I try not to think about it. No sense in worrying myself sick over things I have no control over.”

He really wished he could live life by her model. “True.”

“And I have great insurance, so I can just build a new house.”

“But we have great memories in that dungeon.”

She slid her fingers into his hair and kissed him. “We can make some new memories in this chair.”

“You do owe me a lap dance.”

He hadn’t expected her to take him seriously. The band had just begun to play their one and only ballad, “Good-bye Is Not Forever.” It had a deep, sultry beat. He loved playing this song live. Jon didn’t do it justice, but Jace was trying very hard to ignore every lost opportunity to enrich the bass line, add body to it, subtly support the guitars and the drums without drawing attention to the fill. Truth be told, Jace was trying very fucking hard to ignore Jon entirely. The lighting was always kept dim for this song, so the side of the stage was bathed in darkness. Jace wished he could see Aggie better as she used his body for her prop throughout her sensual dance. Her hands and body brushed over him as she moved around him, behind him, over him, on him. His eyes drifted closed, and he concentrated on the sensation. The woman. He knew he had to get his shit together, or she’d get tired of him shutting her out. He hadn’t been afraid of being alone for a long time—not since he’d been a kid. But now? He couldn’t imagine a day spent without Aggie. He didn’t want to.

When she slid into his lap backwards, he wrapped both arms around her waist and held her close. She tried to get up, but he tightened his hold.

She hesitated briefly and then relaxed. He pressed his face against her shoulder and inhaled her scent.

“You okay?” she asked after a moment.

He knew he was trembling, but he couldn’t stop. “Yeah,” he whispered.

She covered his hand with hers and squeezed reassuringly.

“Why are you so good to me?” he asked. “All I do is push you away.”

“You’re not pushing me away now.”

That was true. Even though he knew he should, he couldn’t let go. And though her body was pressed against his from shoulder to shin, he wanted her closer. Physically. And emotionally. Did that mean he loved her? His heart rate picked up. “Are you going to leave me after you fix me?”

Why had he asked her that? He didn’t want to know. He needed to hang on to the moment. Stop worrying about the past. Stop fretting over the future. That’s what she gave him. She gave him now. That’s all that should be important to him, but it wasn’t.

“Why would I do that?”

“Sometimes I think I’m your current pet project, and as soon as it’s over, we’ll be over.”

“That’s hurtful, Jace.”

Hurtful? His brow crinkled with confusion. “Why?”

“Because you think I have some ulterior motive. It’s not enough for me to let you know I care. You question it. Cheapen it.”

“I don’t mean to. I just…” He took a deep breath.

“Just what?”

“I just don’t want you to leave.” After he said it, he felt so blatantly exposed, he wished he could take it back.

She lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles. “No chance. You are stuck with this crazy bitch whether you like it or not.”

He laughed, the tension draining from his body, and squeezed her tightly. “I like it.”

She relaxed against him and let him hold her while they watched the concert. Halfway through the set, Brian was left alone onstage to entertain the crowd with his guitar solos. The rest of the band filtered offstage and surrounded Jace’s chair.

“Did you see that super-fine chick in the front row?” Jon said excitedly. “She couldn’t take her eyes off me. I’ve got to get me some of that tonight.”

“I’m sure she was looking at Sed,” Trey said, lifting the neck strap of his guitar over his head and handing the instrument to a roadie. He chugged half a beer and chased it with a bottle of water.

“Yeah, she was looking at me, Jon-boy,” Sed said, chomping on red licorice to keep his vocal cords lubricated, “but I’m on the wagon. No pussy for me until we get back to LA.”

“Five weeks with no pussy?” Jon burst out laughing. “You? Sure, Sed. That’s possible.”

Sed crossed his arms over his chest resolutely. “That’s right. Three more weeks. It’s already been almost two.”

Trey laughed and pounded Sed on the back. “Jessica will never walk again.” Trey sat on Aggie’s lap, squirming to crush her into Jace. “This chair is so fuckin’ lumpy.”

Aggie chuckled and wrapped her arms around Trey’s waist.

He glanced over his shoulder. “Oh, sorry, Aggie. Didn’t see you there.” Trey leaned back and crossed his legs at the ankle.

Crushed beneath them, Jace couldn’t draw a decent breath. “Damn, Aggie, have you gained weight?” His quip earned him an elbow in the ribs.

Eric came to stand with the group. He pulled his sweat-drenched shirt off and tossed it in Trey’s face.

Trey swatted it to the floor. “For that, I suggest you don’t go to sleep tonight, Sticks.”

Eric took a long drink of water and then upended the bottle over his head. He shook his head like a wet dog, sending droplets of water and sweat flying in all directions. “What? You gonna hurt me?”

“You should be so lucky,” Trey said.

Eric continued his public shower and then patted himself dry with a hand towel before donning a clean shirt.

Trey was now watching Brian onstage. “He gets better and better, doesn’t he?”

“Dude, my legs are falling asleep,” Jace complained, trying to dislodge Trey from the top of the pile by squirming. “Get off.”

“You hear something, Aggie?” Trey asked.

“Nope. I’m too fat to hear anything.”

Jace’s heart stuttered. Had he hurt her feelings? She was perfect. How could she possibly think he had been serious when he’d asked her if she’d gained weight? He slid his hands between Trey’s back and Aggie’s stomach, pulling her securely against his chest.

“You’re not fat,” he whispered into her ear. “I meant Trey was heavy.”

“That’s not what you said.”

“But that’s what I meant. It was a joke.”

“Since when do you joke around, Jace?”

Since I started to believe that I can be myself when I’m with you. But he couldn’t say that. Not with Trey sitting right there. His jaw clenched as emotion threatened to bubble to the surface. “Whatever.”

“If you two are gonna argue, I’m going to join Brian onstage.” Trey removed himself from Aggie’s lap and settled his red electric guitar in place. He was crossing the stage before Jace could take a decent breath.

Aggie didn’t try to remove herself from his lap, but her body was stiff and unyielding.

He kissed her shoulder, not knowing what to do to make her forgive him for his offhand comment. He thought she was perfect. And even if she were fat, he wouldn’t have cared. He would love her no matter what she looked like. Should he tell her things like that? That he loved her no matter what? His throat closed off. He was panting again. He couldn’t get a grip on himself. Not since he’d told her about his mother. Told her things he’d never told anyone. Things he’d never admitted even to himself.

“I love you,” he whispered.

He figured he’d said it too quietly for her to hear over Brian and Trey’s guitar duel, but her body relaxed into his, and she squeezed his hand. “I’m glad,” she said.

They watched in silence as the band returned to the stage and continued the concert. She must have sensed his turmoil at expressing his feelings aloud. She was supportive, but didn’t push him. He knew if she had, he would have slipped back into denial. He’d never figure out how she could understand him so completely. No one understood him. He didn’t even understand himself. He gently rubbed his left hand over her forearm, needing the tactile sensation of her bare flesh against his fingertips.

When it came time for the band’s encore, Aggie climbed off his lap and offered him a hand. He looked at her and found her cheeks wet with tears. His heart stumbled over several beats.

He climbed to his feet and took her shoulder in his free hand. “Aggie. What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, closed her eyes, and swallowed. “I’m glad.” She hugged him unexpectedly, rubbing her tear-damp face against his neck.

“I’m glad,” she whispered.

A roadie, Jake, poked Jace in the back. “You’d better get ready to go onstage.”

Jace released Aggie, and his favorite, solid black bass was pushed into his good hand. He settled the familiar strap around his shoulder, wincing slightly when the full weight of the instrument settled over his trapezius muscle and collarbone. Maybe he had overestimated his ability to play. He slid his arm out of its sling and tested the mobility of his fingers. A bit stiff, but he could play. He was sure.

The crowd was chanting. “Sinners, Sinners, Sinners.” The arena’s overhead lights were still off, so even though the stage was dark and empty, they knew the show wasn’t over.

“Break a leg,” Jon growled into Jace’s ear as he handed him his earpiece. “Or better yet, your fucking neck.”

With no time to tell Jon to fuck off, Jace stuck the earpiece in his ear so he could hear the music and directions given by Dave. He then trotted after Brian and Trey onto the stage. There was a soft glow of blue lights at the level of their feet, and when their shadows crossed the stage, the crowd cheered. Jace’s heart rate kicked up a few notches. He really hoped he didn’t screw up.

Eric tapped a cymbal, starting the intro to “Twisted,” and Jace entered with his bass progression. There was stiffness in his knuckles, and the pain in his right shoulder was agonizingly sharp as he strummed, but the thick strings between his fingertips and the solid fret board were comforting. He’d missed this. Standing next to the drums, he closed his eyes and let the rhythm carry him, head-banging in time with Eric’s bass drum.

Sed entered the song with a long note on his violin. The lights flashed so bright Jace could see them through his closed eyelids. A heavy arm wrapped around his shoulders and urged him forward. Sed apparently didn’t want him hiding by the drum kit this evening. Jace hoped he didn’t expect him to writhe around on the floor the way Jon did. Sed grinned between lyrics and gave him a little wink. He nodded toward the crowd.

Yeah, Jace got it. He should play this up. Make his brief stage appearance special for the fans. He wandered out of Sed’s hold toward the front of the stage. He drew to a halt at its edge and leaned forward to play the steady bass riff at shin level. He head-banged while he played, adrenaline flowing through his body, his shoulder protesting each movement of his fingers. Brian moved to stand beside him, placing one foot on a speaker at the front of the stage while he played the insanely fast guitar riff. Jace stood upright and leaned against the guitarist. Brian beamed and pressed his arm firmly against Jace’s shoulder. Sed paced the front of the stage now, lifting his hand up and down to get the crowd to participate, and thrusting the microphone toward the audience during the chorus so they’d sing along. They especially loved to sing the part that went, “Twisted, crazy hell-born bitch.” Probably because that was the only part they could easily understand. Sed screamed the rest of the chorus in his signature baritone growl, which was fucking awesome.

Trey moved to Brian’s other side during his guitar solo. Jace had to concentrate on the sound of Eric’s drums to continue his low, repetitive bass riff. It was admittedly hard to maintain with Brian wailing away beside him. The man was fucking gifted on that guitar. Jace wanted to stand there and gawk at him in awe. The fans screamed their appreciation of Brian’s skill when he lifted his guitar over his head to carry the final note of his solo.