‘Édouard!’

And then I spied Monsieur Arnault in the corner by the piano. ‘Oh, Monsieur Arnault!’ I yelled, as I fought my way over to him, holding up my skirts as I trod over the bodies and the upturned chairs. He was sliding along a banquette, evidently hoping to make his way to the door. ‘Two charcoal sketches! The women in the park? You remember?’ He glanced at me and I mouthed the words: ‘You owe Édouard for two charcoal sketches.’ I crouched, one hand raised to protect my head and used the other to pull the IOUs from my pocket, flicking through them and ducking to avoid a shoe. ‘Five francs for the two, it says here. Yes?’

Behind us, someone screamed as a tankard hit a window, smashing it.

Monsieur Arnault’s eyes were wide with fear. He peered swiftly behind me, then scrabbled in his pocket for his wallet. He peeled off the notes with such haste that I discovered later he had given me two francs too many. ‘Take it!’ he hissed, then bolted for the door, his hat pressed to his head.

And there we had it. Eleven – no, twelve francs. Enough to keep us going.

‘Édouard,’ I called again, scanning the room. I could just make him out in the corner, where a man with a ginger moustache, like a fox’s brush, was swinging vainly at him, as Édouard held him by the shoulders. I put my hand on his arm. My husband looked at me blankly, as if he had forgotten I was there. ‘I have the money. We should go.’

He didn’t seem to hear me.

‘Really,’ I said. ‘We should go now.’ He dropped the man, who slid down the wall and felt in his mouth with a finger, muttering something about a chipped tooth. I had hold of Édouard’s sleeve now, pulling him towards the doors, my ears ringing with the din, fighting my way through the men who had come in from outside. I cannot believe they had any idea what the fight was about.

‘Sophie!’ Édouard pulled me backwards sharply as a chair swung in a great arc before my face, close enough for me to feel the disturbance it created in the air. I cursed with fright, and blushed that my husband had heard me.

And then we were outside in the evening air, onlookers gazing in at the windows, through cupped hands, the distant sound of shouting and breaking glass in our ears. I stopped by the empty tables and brushed my skirts down, dislodging splinters of glass. Beside us a bloodied man sat on a chair, holding his ear with one hand, and smoking contemplatively with the other.

‘Shall we go and eat, then?’ I said, smoothing my coat and glancing up at the sky. ‘I think it may rain again.’

My husband pulled at his collar, then ran his hands through his hair, letting out a short breath. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Yes. I’m ready for some food now.’

‘I must apologise for cursing. It was not very ladylike.’

He patted my hand. ‘I did not hear a thing.’

I reached up to pull a wooden splinter from the shoulder of his coat, and flicked it away. I kissed him. And arm in arm we walked briskly towards the Panthéon, the sound of the gendarmes’ clanging bell echoing over the Paris rooftops.

I had moved to Paris two years previously, and had lived in lodgings behind the rue Beaumarchais, as did all shop girls who worked at La Femme Marché. The day I had left to be married, all the girls lined up on my corridor and cheered and banged saucepans with wooden spoons.

We were married in St Peronne, and in the absence of my father I was given away by Jean-Michel, my sister’s husband. Édouard was charming and generous, and behaved like the perfect groom for the three days’ celebrations, but I knew how relieved he was to escape the provincial confines of northern France and make his way swiftly back to Paris.

I cannot tell you how happy I was. I had never expected to love, let alone marry. And I would never have admitted as much in public but I loved him with such a passion that I would have stayed with Édouard Lefèvre even if he had not wanted to marry me. In fact, he had so little time for convention that I had assumed it would be the last thing he wanted.

But it was he who had suggested marriage.

We had been together a little under three months when Hans Lippmann visited his studio one afternoon (I was washing our clothes, as Édouard had forgotten to put by any money to pay his laundress). Monsieur Lippmann was something of a dandy and I had been a little embarrassed that he saw me in my house garments. He walked around the studio, admiring Édouard’s latest works, then paused in front the painting he had done of me on the evening of Bastille Day, when he and I had first revealed our feelings for each other. I remained in the bathroom, scrubbing away at Édouard’s collars, trying not to be embarrassed that I knew Lippmann was looking at a picture of me in my underclothes. Their voices dropped for a few minutes and I couldn’t hear what they were saying. Eventually curiosity overcame me. I dried my hands and walked out into the studio to find them gazing at a series of sketches Édouard had done of me sitting by the large window. Monsieur Lippmann turned and, after the briefest of greetings, asked if I would I model for him too. Fully dressed, of course. There was something fascinating about the angles of my face, something about my pale skin, he said. Didn’t Édouard agree? Why he must do – he had seen it himself. He laughed.

Édouard didn’t.

I was about to say yes (I liked Lippmann: he was one of the few artists who treated me as an equal), but I saw Édouard’s smile tighten.

‘No. I’m afraid Mademoiselle Bessette is far too busy.’

There was a brief, awkward silence. Lippmann gave us an amused glance.

‘Why, Édouard, we have shared models before. I merely thought that –’

‘No.’

Lippmann looked at his feet. ‘If you say so, Édouard. A pleasure to meet you again, Mademoiselle.’ He tipped his hat to me and left. Édouard did not wish him goodbye.

‘You funny thing,’ I said to him later. He was in the tub, and I was kneeling on a cushion behind him, washing his hair. He had been quiet all afternoon. ‘You know I have eyes only for you. I would have worn a nun’s habit for Monsieur Lippmann if it meant keeping you happy.’ I poured a jug of water slowly over the back of his head, watching the suds slide away. ‘Besides, he’s married. Contentedly so. And he’s a gentleman.’

Édouard was still silent. Then he turned his whole body abruptly, so that a slew of water went over the side of the tub. ‘I need to know you are mine,’ he said, and his face was so anxious, so miserable, that it took me a moment to speak.