The dreams hadn’t stopped. If anything they’d become even more intense now. One of the most intense being the night they got back from dinner at Noah’s. They were so intense she was beginning to get nervous. She’d been known to talk in her sleep in the past. Although her grandmother had teased her once that it was more aggravating than anything because it was impossible to make out any real phrases. She said mostly it was just a word here or there that wasn’t even all that intelligible. Too often the only word she remembered crying out in her dreams was Gio.

Bianca felt her face fire up as she pulled her car into the dairy parking lot. She wasn’t buying anything but she needed to talk to someone about this already and she didn’t want to have this conversation while she was supposed to be concentrating on driving in the snow.

“Toni?”

“Yeah?”

Biting her lip, she tried to think of where best to start. “Have you ever been in a relationship where you were happy but still found yourself attracted to someone else?”

“Oh, honey this sounds juicy. Hold on. Let me turn my sign over to closed and lock this door.”

Bianca heard her giggle and she smiled trying to shake the anxiety she’d been feeling for days. She turned the key, shutting off the ignition to her car.

“Okay, so who is it and how come you hadn’t told me?”

“First, you answer my question,” Bianca drummed her fingers on her thigh. “Have you?”

“Of course I have. It’s perfectly normal. Even married women can be attracted to other men. Nothin’ wrong with that unless you act on it.” Bianca thought about that last sentence for a moment without responding. “Oh, Bianca. You’re too cute. So you have a crush on someone else and you’re worried about it? I think it’s especially normal for you since Felix is gone so much.”

“But it’s not just someone else. It’s his friend. His friend like from way back. They’re real close.”

“Ooh!” Bianca could tell by Toni’s excitement she didn’t get the magnitude of this and how could she? “What friend?” Then in a much less excited tone, she scolded again, “And I can’t believe you hadn’t told me!”

Bianca took a deep breath and started from the beginning—way back in high school beginning. She filled her in on the important details feeling like she was slowly building a case against herself and why she was guilty of something only she hadn’t done anything.

Toni listened intently, responding with “uh-huhs” in all the appropriate pauses. When she got to the part of the first dream, the night Felix arrived, Toni was quiet for a moment then she burst into laughter. As nervous as she still was about all this Bianca couldn’t help laughing with her. “It’s not funny, Toni!” she said but continued laughing. “Can you imagine if I would have said Gio’s name as I came?”

Toni cackled even louder now and as funny as Bianca knew this wasn’t she continued to laugh, too, barely able to catch her breath. Bianca was grateful she hadn’t squeaked or this conversation would’ve gone nowhere. As the laughter calmed, she wondered if she should even go on. The dreams were even worse but somehow she knew Toni would find them more humorous than inappropriate. This was not the outcome Bianca had hoped for when she pulled over. “Toni!” she tried to sound firm as Toni continued to giggle. “I need clarity. Get it together, woman!”

“Okay, okay.” Toni cleared her voice. “So the guy is beautiful, crazy sexy and he’s obviously attracted to you too but you did say he’s respectful, right? And he was mindful of making sure that you were not offended by his playfulness. If that’s all it is then I wouldn’t worry. You’re very attractive Bianca, of course, the two of you are gonna flirt.”

“There’s more.”

“Oh?”

Now that Bianca had her full attention again, she told her about the night they’d gone out and the ride home with Gio—what Evelyn had said to him. “Oh, what a slut! And pshaw! The men’s restroom? That is so nineties!”

“That’s not the point, Toni.” Bianca wasn’t feeling humorous anymore; the incredible unease was back and she was beginning to feel choked up. She needed someone to understand and tell her she wasn’t crazy for feeling so incredibly guilty and selfish. “The point is there is this… I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like there’s something bigger than the both of us when we’re alone. I’m left completely breathless sometimes—I’m utterly mesmerized by him and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it—felt it in him. We both know it’s wrong but it’s beyond any comprehension. If we can’t even understand it, how can we control it? And I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit. A huge cop-out.” Her voice broke and she stopped unable to go on.

“Bianca,” Toni’s voice was full of remorse. “Sweetie, don’t cry. I didn’t know this was bothering you that much.”

Bianca sucked it up and took another deep breath feeling like a blubbering idiot. “It’s just that I keep having these dreams, Toni. In the last one I got out of bed with Felix, tip-toed over to Gio’s room, took off my clothes and climbed in his bed. And the thing is it’s always so real yet it’s so easy for me to do it. I know it’s only a dream but even in dreams I usually think the way I would in real life. And in the dreams I want him so desperately.” She breathed in, thankful that she was completely in control of her emotions now and continued. “I can barely look at him for fear that he’ll know. He’ll see it in my eyes. And the worst part is, I talk in my sleep.”