I tilted my cheek. The faintly red and bruised skin along my temple and the corner of my mouth were barely noticeable. Whatever the Healer had rubbed onto the skin had greatly sped up the healing process.

It had to be the same mixture I’d used to heal the welts that too often marked my back.

I pushed that thought from my head as I looked at my left cheek. That too had healed but had left a mark behind.

I didn’t look at the scars often, but I did now. I studied the jagged streak of skin, a pink paler than my skin tone, that started below the hairline and sliced across my temple, narrowly missing my left eye. The healed injury ended by my nose. Another shorter wound was higher up, cutting across my forehead and through my eyebrow.

I lifted my damp fingers, pressing them to the longer scar. I’d always thought that my eyes and mouth seemed too large for my face, but the Queen had said that my mother had been considered a great beauty.

Whenever Queen Ileana spoke of my mother, she did so with pained fondness. They’d been close, and I knew she regretted granting my mother the one thing she’d ever asked her for.

Permission to refuse the Ascension.

My mother had been a Lady in Wait, given to the Court during her Rite, but my father had not been a Lord. She had chosen my father over the Blessing of the gods, and that kind of love…it was, well, I didn’t have any experience with that. Probably never would, and I doubted most people did, no matter what their futures held. What my mom had done was unheard of. She’d been the first and the last to ever do so.

Queen Ileana had said more than once that if my mother had Ascended, she might’ve survived that night, but that night may have never come. I wouldn’t be standing here. Neither would Ian. She wouldn’t have married our father, and if she had Ascended, she would bear no children.

The Queen’s beliefs were irrelevant.

But when the mist had come for us that night, if my parents had known how to defend themselves, both might still be alive. It was why I was standing here instead of the captive of a man determined to take down the Ascended and more than willing to shed blood to do so. If Malessa had known how to defend herself, her outcome may have still been the same, but she would’ve at least had a chance.

My gaze once more met my reflection’s. The Dark One would not take me. That was a vow I would kill for and die to uphold.

I lowered my hand and then slowly turned from the mirror. I changed into a gown, leaving a lamp burning beside the door and crawled into bed. It couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes before a soft knock sounded on the adjoining door, and Tawny’s voice called out.

I rolled toward the entrance. “I’m awake.”

Tawny eased inside, shutting the door behind her. “I…I couldn’t sleep.”

“I haven’t even tried yet,” I admitted.

“I can go back to my room if you’re tired,” she offered.

“You know I won’t be falling asleep anytime soon.” I patted the spot beside me.

Hurrying across the short distance, she snatched the edge of the blanket and slipped under it. Shifting onto her side, she faced me. “I keep thinking about everything, and I wasn’t even there. I can’t imagine what’s going on in your head.” She paused. “Actually, probably something that involves bloody vengeance.”

I grinned despite all that had happened. “That’s not entirely untrue.”

“This is my shocked face,” she replied, and then her smile faded. “I keep thinking about how unreal all of this feels. First with Malessa, and now Rylan. I saw him just after supper. He was alive and well. I’d passed Malessa yesterday morning. She was smiling and looked happy, carrying a bouquet of flowers. It’s like…I can’t process that they’re gone. There one moment and not the next, without any warning.”

Tawny was one of the few who hadn’t been intimately touched by death. Her parents and her older brother and sister were alive. Other than Hannes, no one she knew well or saw often had died.

But even though I was too familiar with it, the death was still a shock, and like Hawke had also said, no less harsh or unforgiving.

I swallowed. “I don’t know what it was like for Malessa.” What I did know was that it had to be terrifying, though saying that wouldn’t help matters. “But for Rylan, it was quick. Twenty or thirty seconds,” I said. “And then he was gone. There wasn’t a lot of pain, and what he did feel, it was over quickly.”

She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. “I liked him. He wasn’t as stern as Vikter or as standoffish as Hannes and the rest. You could talk to him.”

“I know,” I whispered around the burn in my throat.

Tawny was silent for several moments and then said, “The Dark One.” Her eyes opened. “He seemed more like a…”

“A myth?”

She nodded. “It’s not like I didn’t believe he was real. It’s just that he’s talked about like he’s the bogeyman.” She snuggled down, tucking the blanket to her chin. “What if that was the Dark One in the garden, and you managed to wound him?”

“That would be…pretty amazing, and I would brag until the end of time to you and Vikter. But, like I said, I don’t think it was.”

“Thank the gods you knew what to do.” She reached across the bed, finding my hand and squeezing it. “If not…”

“I know.” In moments like this, it was hard to remember that duty bound us together, created our bond. I squeezed her hand back. “I’m just glad you weren’t with me.”

“I would like to say I wished I was there so you didn’t have to face that alone, but in truth, I’m glad I wasn’t,” she admitted. “I would’ve been nothing more than a shrieking distraction.”

“Not true. I’ve shown you how to use a dagger—”

“Being shown the basics of how to use a blade and then using it on another living, breathing person are two very different things.” She pulled her hand back. “I would’ve definitely stood there and screamed. I’m not ashamed to admit that, and my screams probably would’ve brought the guards’ attention sooner.”

“You would’ve defended yourself.” I totally believed that. “I’ve seen how vicious you get when there is only one sweet cake left.”